Because She Would Ask Me Why I Love Her
by BeyondXtreme
Summary: Not every battle can be won with might and wit. Some of the most terrifying and dangerous battles occur in the mind, dragging you deep down into the depths of a black hole. After witnessing the frightening future at Redcliffe, Cecilia Trevelyan battles not to lose her mind with the help of her companions. She finds love and comfort in an unlikely place. One she questions often.
1. Because She Asks Me

Lost alone in a cave with Sera. How did this even happen again? Oh right, Sera decided to-

"Piss."

Cecilia Trevelyan always had patience made of steel. Her life back at home demanded it, constant parties and "The Game" built and refined her. All those years of fake smiles, careful words, intricate planning have all been for naught, no amount of training could prepare her for this.

"Shite. I got a wedge up something fierce. Friggin' Bull ain't friggin' here. Friggin' Arse. Friggin' Mayhem."

The headache was mounting, and Trevelyan's eye wouldn't stop twitching. Trying to keep herself sane was taking every ounce of willpower she had.

"Oi! _Laaaady Herald_! Ya listenin'?! I said I-"

"Got a wedge up something fierce. Yes. I heard." She wish she hadn't.

"And?! Do somethin' 'bout it!"

"Like what?!"

Sera simply grinned, her eyes flashing dangerously like that of a predator that promised all sorts of dangerous things.

"Fix it for me."

"_Fuck. _No." Her manners always seemed to escape her in Sera's presence.

"I like the first part."

"And the second?"

"Ignored."

Trevelyan chuckled, "Sera! Come on march march arro-"

Sera shoves Cecilia against the cave's wall and leaned in, her breath puffing and teasing Trevelyan's lips. "March-fuck-arrow-kick. Better innit?" her voice husky and low, razor sharp eyes staring intensely. What color are her eyes, brown? Green? Trevelyan can't tell. The heat was rising in her cheeks and fast, and Sera's grin was getting larger.

"Getting hot and bothered, oh _Touched One?_ What's wrong, first time gettin' some honeysuckle or something? Let's play already!"

Trevelyan is most definitely not experienced in these matters... Her whole life has been politics and sword-play. Her brows furrow together, and she starts to worry "_would I even be able to give her what she wants...? I don't know what to do!" _thoughts kept racing in her mind, stressing and panicking her.

"Frig," Sera sighed, eased back on her heels and ran a hand through her blonde locks, "it's not hard innit? What you need your war table to plan out where and how long to-"

"It's not that Sera!"

"Then what issit? Everytime I make a move you look like you're about to shite a new bloody hole in the sky! One shites out enough demons!"

"I don't..." Trevelyan pauses, wondering how to word this, but Sera always flusters her, always takes away her ability to speak, always leaves this uncomfortable feeling in her stomach when they meet eyes. Sera folds her arms defensively, turns around and starts walking down the cave.

"Let's go _Lady Herald,_" Sera spits out, "yer big talky ones gonna tear 'part Haven if we don't find our way back soon." Trevelyan scratches her head and sighs, frustration slowly building. She doesn't know what to do, what to say, nobody ever taught her about relationships, about romance, or love. It took her an incredibly long time and the Spymaster to get it through Trevelyan's dense skull that Sera is _more_ than a friend and partner to her.

"I can't stand it when you're around." Trevelyan grounds out. Immediately her mind panicks, goes into overdrive, overanalytical mode. Chastising herself for the poor choice of words, she plunges in head long when she sees Sera turn around with a hurt look in her eyes.

"I can't think, I can't talk, I can't breathe. You drive me bloody mad. I mean-" she sighs, clenches and unclenches her fist before running a gloved hand through her hair and pushing the bangs back. "I mean... I don't know what I mean! I like you so much it hurts, I want to toss up my guts and I break out into cold sweat. I _shake_, Sera, I've faced countless demons and I didn't shake with them, so why you? I don't understand any of this! I'm scared of messing it up and making you unhappy, and-"

"Shut it." Trevelyan snapped her head up, the anxiety and nausea increasing tenfold. Sera walked towards her glaring, and she didn't know what to expect anymore. Each step Sera took made her want to run, hide, and die alone with all these revelations she's spilled out in an ungraceful manner. Sera stopped in front of her, and raised her hand. Trevelyan flinched, preparing herself for the blow, but instead Sera slid her hand across Trevelyan's cheek, to the back of her neck, and then up into her hair.

Trevelyan let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, and subconsciously leaned into the touch, eyes shuttering closed. "Better innit? Less talk, more action." Trevelyan glanced up, and grinned "yeah, it reall-" no room for talk. Sera crashed her lips into Trevelyan, bringing her other hand into Cecilia's hair, pulling her into the kiss more. Her demanding mouth slid and nipped at the jawline, earning a soft mewl. Who knew a tough battle-hardened warrior could make such enticing sounds?

"Follow my lead," Sera's voice rough from want and desire, she licked her lips and her predator eyes were back "time to live up to your name, oh _Touched One_". Trevelyan grinned, her competitive spirit kicking in in full force and she decides to catch Sera off guard. She pulled Sera close, earning a yelp from the archer and lightly nipped on her ear. "Marry me," she breathed. "You're a loony. Honey-tongue loony... share some of that honey with me already" Trevelyan laughed, "eager are w-"

Voices echoed somewhere deep in the cave "Herald?!" Both Trevelyan and Sera jumped in surprise, until Trevelyan called out. "Here! Wherever here is... Is that you Seeker?"

"Yes! You must get out quickly! The Chargers used explosives to open up-"

Rumbling, and a crack. Trevelyan's head snapped up. "Piss," Sera managed to say, Trevelyan pushed Sera forward before her previously intense headache came back, and the world gone black.


	2. Because She Haunts Me

Trevelyan woke up groggily, sitting up slowly and gripping her head. "Ugh..." The pounding headache is back in full force. She looks around, "Where... Ugh Maker... Where am I...?" dark stone walls surround her, eerily quiet save for the mice skittering around wherever they are, too dark to tell. Trevelyan braces her sore ribs with her left arm and slides her other arm up to grip the stone wall, slowly pushing her burning and aching body up.

_Move._ _Walk, just walk. Got to be a way out somewhere... Wait... Stone walls?_ Trevelyan squinted at the darkness to try and make out her surroundings. _Not in the cave anymore, am I in the Deep Roads? No, this architecture looks... familiar. _Bracing herself against the wall, she kept walking, trudging along one foot then the other. Pain kept shooting up her ribs and the pounding headache was starting to feel like explosives going off in her head. Her breathing ragged, she pushed past the pain.

"Got to... Fuck!" a sharp white hot pain tore through her skull, and tears started to form at her eyes. _I will not cry. Never again._ She cringed at the immense throbbing, tried to relax the tightening in her throat, and will the pain away. _Move. Got to find the others..._ She tensed. Others? Another sharp pain shot through her skull as she cried out. She remembers now! "Sera? Cassandra? Where are you?!" she winced and regretted it when she whipped her head around to see into the darkness. All she can do now is walk forward and hope she will find them.

A dull red emanated down the hallway, with a gentle thrumming sound. Is that... red lyrium? A familiar voice shouted behind her, startling her, "Lady Trevelyan! I'm so glad I caught up with you, are you... alright? You look quite unwell." Trevelyan cringed and slowly turned around.

"Tch... You could say that, Dorian, but I'm well enough to hold my own. What are you doing here? Where is Cassandra and Sera?"

"Did you forget? Alexius, mwuah ha ha evil villanous act, displacing us, sound familiar yes? We have yet to find your companions."

Wait... What? _I'm back in the past, or well, future... With Dorian? Alexius... Was already dealt with..._

"We must find a way back, Milady... You are looking awfully pale, are you-" Feeling of dread hit Trevelyan, and her legs lost all strength as she fell to the ground. _No, oh no. I can't do this again, please... This can't be real!_ Dorian helped her up to her feet, saying something, but she couldn't hear it, her own thoughts drowned him out. Her feet started moving on their own, her body leaning on Dorian for support. She shut her eyes tight, constantly repeating this isn't real, this isn't happening.

"We walked and waked where willows..." But it was. It was happening, and now Trevelyan was softly reciting the moment, preparing herself for the blow.

"No. Where willows wail, we waited... No. Where willows...? Ugh! Remember, stupid! They can't take that."

Trevelyan was in front of the cage now, her mind numb, her body screaming, her emotions clawing and struggling for an ounce of control. She blearily looked up at Sera, who flinched and recoiled back instantly.

"No, no, NO! You can't be here! You're dead, and they don't come back!"

"Sera it's... it's me, it's really me." The warrior's voice was devoid of emotion. She wasn't sure how much more she could handle. Dorian was explaining it to Sera, but Trevelyan honed in on Sera's features. She's far more pale, chapped lips, dry skin with red glowing veins, eyes that have permanent fear etched into them. They're supposed to be a mystery, a sea of brown or green, not this... dead red. The archer was deathly frail and thin, this was not Sera. This couldn't possibly be Sera.

"The day you died?" Trevelyan's head shot up, "I ran out of arrows making them pay, then it didn't matter anymore... The Elder One killed the Empress. And then invaded. With a demon army." Sera's voice chokes, sobs threatening to take her, "Demons everywhere. Everything is gone. Or Red. And I just..." she looked up, fury flashed in her eyes. "I want them to hurt!"

Trevelyan stepped cautiously towards Sera, who recoiled back in fear again. "Sera..." she softly whispers, and reaches out to grab her shoulders, gently bringing in Sera close and hugging her. She didn't want Sera to see, she suffered enough. Trevelyan lowered her head, resting her chin on top of Sera's head, "we'll get through this... we'll get through this," she murmured.

She stroked Sera's hair "we'll get through this..." soon it was becoming a chant. Who was she trying to convince, herself, or Sera? She didn't know how much more she could handle anymore. Quiet sobs wracked her body, "Oi... Hug me any tighter and you'll crush me under you. Not that I would mind. Being under you. Crushed. But not like this." Trevelyan chuckled, until pain shot through her ribs. She pulled back and quickly wiped the tears before Sera could notice.

"If you're really here, I'll frigging die just to spit in their faces."

"Then let's go kick Alexius in what do you call it again? The dangle-bag!" Her practiced fake smiles and cheer had a use after all.

Sera giggled, and her impish grin returned to her face "Right, yeah! Lemme kick 'im where it hurts!"

When Trevelyan turned around, she noticed Dorian's sympathetic look, but then his face... changed? He looked horrified, and then suddenly, the scene changed around her. She was in the throne room with Dorian. Sera and Cassandra walked away, and Leliana was preparing herself for battle. Trevelyan panicked, whipped her head from the portal Dorian made and Sera's fleeting posture.

"Sera!" She called out, she tried to move, but she couldn't. Sera only waved the back of her hand, tilted her head sideways and showed her trademark grin, but it looked... Hollow. It wasn't the usual radiance that promised mischief anymore. It was the final farewell. Trevelyan could see a streak of dried tears clinging to the archer's cracked skin, the red veins glowing more intensely now. "Please! I can't let you sacrifice yourselves! I won't! I refuse!" she tried to move again but Dorian's hold on her arm tightened, and her ribs howled in pain from the twist.

"If you move, we all die!" Dorian shouted. No, not again, she can't see this again, please... _It's not real. It's not real, this isn't real!_ She chanted in her mind. Her throat constricted, her body shaking, tears constantly forming at her eyes even when she kept blinking and wiping them away. The world was getting misty, and then it changed again. _The battle... I can... I can help, I can prevent it all!_

"Sera!" She choked out, trying to warn her of the Terror coming up from behind. "Watc-" It was too late. _Not again..._ Too damned late. _Please, Maker, not again!_ Sera looked back, wide eyes filled with fear. She tried to leap back, but her leg gave out, and she fell on one knee. _Sera!_ The Terror's arm swung down, claws grasping the archer's head, her lithe body frantically kicking about. The demon chuckled, mocking her.

"Sera!" She tried to move despite the pain, yet Dorian still held her back. She glared heatedly at him, all he had was an apologetic look in his eyes as he focused on the spell. When she looked back, her legs lost all strength, her stomach tossed, and she clenched a hand over her mouth. The Terror dug it's claws into Sera's neck, and her screams and cries for help filled the air. Her frightful eyes landed on Trevelyan. "Please... Save me." Leliana had been shooting at its arm the entire time and it wouldn't let go, and finally, with a swift motion, the Terror snapped Sera's neck before it had lost it's arm. When Sera's limp body hit the ground, Trevelyan snapped and screamed. All went black again.

_"Please... Save me."_


	3. Because She Suffocates Me

"Sera... no it's not real... Sera, please Maker, this can't be real... Sera...!" Trevelyan was tossing around in her cot, pale and sweating.

"Oi! Wake up! Snap out of it! What are you on about ya daft tit. I'm here. I'm real! Stupid! Shite, wake up!" _What is she doing?_ Sera panicked, _bloody idiot is going to injure herself more. Shite!_

Footsteps could be heard outside the tent, and by the ominous aura Sera sensed it must be-

"What is going on here?!" the Spymaster. Sera blanched at the sight of her, lady could be real scary without doing it on purpose. One glare meant you're dead in the evening. But right now that glare is enough to kill on the spot.

"Red. Please. I want to live." Sera choked out, legitimately believing her life is in danger. Leliana dismissed the plea and kneeled beside her while observing the Herald's condition, who's calmed down at the moment. Sera, unsure, stole glances to her side to try and determine the Spymaster's mood. "Does this mean...?"

Leliana sighed. "Yes. I had no intention of harming you, Sera, or the Herald." _The Herald...? How would she-_ "She's having a nightmare" Leliana quietly observed the Herald, and Sera's reaction carefully.

"Shite, yeah? I could tell. But she won't wake up. Fuck... She's kept shouting my name and that it's not real. Thrashin' like an idiot. Gon' hurt herself more. Idiot... Fuck..." Sera ran a hand through her hair, her breath shaky. "My fault. She pushed me. Saved me. Daft tit. Selfish idiot, bet she gon' be all happy she almost died for me to live. Don't realize I'll kill her if she dies."

Leliana raised an eyebrow, _how would that work...?_ She shook her head, laid a reassuring hand on Sera's shoulder and smiled. "She'll be alright, Sera. She's in good hands. The healers said it won't be long before she wakes up, but she'll still be in pain. Watch over her, be good to her."

"Always, yeah? Just on edge. Any more tossing or shouting and I'm going to join her. Wish it was the good tossing." Leliana shook her head and smirked, standing slowly and exitting the tent. Sera could hear the Spymaster handing off orders all buisness like, like nothing's happened. Her curious eyes went back and studied Trevelyan's face. Eyebrows furrowed, sweat clinging to her skin, shallow and ragged breathing. Sera slid her hand on the warrior's cheek, "Shite!" she yanked her hand back, "bloody freezing, ya daft tit! No wonder ya tossin' and shakin'! Wait here, I'll be back with some more blankets." _Why am I talking to her? Not like she can hear me. Not like she's s'posto._

Sera exited the tent, and raced back to her room in the tavern. She stole a clean wet cloth from Flissa as she muttered something about "that kind of love" to a soldier, and then fetched her warm traveling cloak. _The_ _cloak she made me... When I talked her ear off about how bloody cold itt'is here._ The metal pin attaching the hood to the cloak was sloppily made, likely Trevelyan's first and only attempt with welding. _What was it s'posto be again? A kite shield?_ Stubborn idiot always wanted to do everything herself, instead of asking Harritt. Sera smiled, the tips of her ears turning slightly red. _Loony. My Loony. _An impish grin promising mischief spread across Sera's face. Her eyes turning into a sharp green filled with glee. _My turn to take care of you._

Sera ran back to the tent until she picked up on voices inside. "That imp is always endangering the Herald. This cannot go any further, we need the Herald alive, at least until she closes the breach." Sera would recognize that voice anywhere. Madam Snottienne. How dare she! Until the breach is closed, then Cecilia's life is worthless to her huh? Sera snaps at this thought and stomps inside the tent, throwing the cloak and cloth on Trevelyan's chest. Vivienne was with Leliana, both of whom were taken aback by the steaming elf. Fuming, eyes wild Sera walks straight to the calm mage, then shoves her. "Not enough. Never enough. Noble pricks, motherfriggin pissants. Bloody shites. Bloody users, all you. Breach closed, and that's it? Her life's useless? Thank you, now go die? Fuck that!"

"You're the one treating her like her life is useless, dear." Vivienne calmly retorted. Leliana is more concerned that the archer is going to end up hurting herself, not the mage.

"What?! What the shite are you on about?! She means **everything** to me. More than me! You nobles who think you shite high from the sky wouldn't know something like that, you use everyone! Everything! Then toss them when you're done, like it's shite!" Sera forcefully shoved Vivienne again, who still kept her composure. She smirked.

"Forgive me if I am mistaken, my dear, but aren't **you** the one using and playing with our innocent Herald? A vulgar thief like you who knows nothing beyond arrows and sex could not even begin to understand what the Herald is going through. And you never will, dear. So just give up now, if you truly care for her, then save her and leave. You'll only wind up killing her by staying. Besides, she and you ought to know better. Someone of her high status could never be seen with someone like-"

"An elf. A thief, a nobody?" Sera's fists were clenched, her head down and her hair bangs covering her eyes. Her shoulders were shaking and her voice sounded drained. Leliana felt sorry for the archer, but Vivienne had a point. The Herald's life was constantly endangered, and her social status as well. This in turn could hurt the Inquisition, with how closely the family has been helping out. Trevelyan worked tirelessly with the Ambassador to set up all the connections, many had gone through sleepless nights preparing for negotiations and trade routes. Leliana understood how Sera felt, but her job was to protect the inquisition. She stood quietly, eyes trained on weapons to prevent a bloodbath, but apologetically looked at Sera, as if trying to explain why she wasn't intervening.

"Precisely, my dear. It seems you are capable of cognitive processing after all. Now, scurry off. Go play with your friends, dear." Vivienne continued, satisfied with her victory. Sera looked up, glaring dangerously at Vivienne. Leliana slowly reached behind her and put her hand on the hilt of her dagger, ready to stop the fight before it starts. What she saw, however, pained her. The elf was still shaking, and trying desperately not to cry. She stood there continuing to glare, with no intention of budging.

"Tsk. Such a child dear. Going to cry for-"

"Madam de Fer." Leliana snapped, and clicked her tongue. "That is enough. There is no need to be cruel."

"Whatever could you mea-"

"I am well versed in The Game, Madam de Fer. Your tongue is thick and heavy, weaving lies. Do not try it on me. You have made your point, and I will consider the options you suggested. You are excused. Sera, may I speak with you for a moment?"

Vivienne nodded, and walked out without sparing a glance at the elf who tensed as they brushed shoulders. Leliana was saying a silent prayer to the Maker for all of this to end without any blood shed. She watched Sera as she silently bent down and picked up the cloth, and then draped the cloak on top of the Herald's blanket. She began to wipe the cold sweat off the Herald's face, neck, and collarbones. She dared not go lower. "I'm not leaving" she said as sternly as she could, shaking still evident in her voice.

"I know." Leliana closed the tent flaps tighter, signalling the eavesdropping soldiers to continue with their duties.

"You really think... I mean I... Do I- Shite. Fuck, piss. I'm not playing, Red. I always play. But the Herald? No playing. She's too serious. And weird." Leliana smirks and nods at this. "But I like it... I want to be there for her. By her side, teasing her, playing pranks, march march arrow kick. I don't want to leave. You can't make me leave. Don't mean I don't care for her. I won't kill her, that snotty bitch-"

"Sera. I am not going to run you out of the camp. I also do not believe a single thing Madam De Fer offered. I am not listening to any of her suggestions, she'd like to think she rules and orders those around her, but she doesn't. I am her authority. Remember Sera?" Leliana leaned down, resting her hand on Sera's shoulder. "I said I will not harm you, or the Herald," she smirked, when Sera whipped her head around.

"I don't bloody understand that still! Say what you mean Red. I don't play with words!"

Leliana chuckled, "If you left, Sera, I believe the Herald would be in far more danger than if you stayed."

"Of broody serious big talky people? Boredom gon' kill her before demons do."

"That too, but that's not quite what I'm aiming at," Leliana sighed, Cecilia may be dense and innocent when it comes to love, but Sera is difficult to explain serious matters to. "She cares for you deeply, Sera. If you were to leave, that wound would cut deeper than any injury she's ever suffered."

"What wound?"

"Like... an arrow. It'd pierce her if you left."

"EW! Bloody shite! I don't want my arrows to penetrate her, Red. _**I**_ want to. With fingers. Or tongue. But not-"

"Sera! The Herald is clearly **in love** with you. She'd lose her mind if you left!"

"Ohhhh..." Sera mumbled thoughtfully. "Why didn't you just say that? Gon' make me think weird things when I shoot arrows now."

"Maker help me... I wonder that myself. In any case, I will give you privacy with the Herald. Try not to do indecent things to her Sera."

"Oi! How low d'ya think I go?!"

"Hopefully not that kind of low." Leliana smirked, "when she wakes, please tell me immediately. Take care of her, good day." She bowed her head, and exited the tent.

Leliana's word echoed in Sera's head. _She's clearly in love with me? Ain't nothin' clear was made. Well I guess the cave but..._ She sighed, and glanced at the Herald's now peaceful face. "Wake up already, ya daft tit. I miss your voice, and makin' ya blush. You drive me bloody mad too yeah? Loony..."

"_Marry me..."_ Sera shivered. _Was she serious? Couldn't have been. That's bloody nuts. With an elf, a thief? A nobody...? _She sighed, and raked a hand through her hair. _Plenty of things 'bout you I like. _She stroked Trevelyan's hair bangs out of her face, and tucked it behind her ear. _But what do you see in me?_

"Sera..." her ears perked, and she listened to the change of breathing. _Oh no, not again..._ The breathing was getting shallow, and ragged. Light shaking. Another nightmare.

"Not real... Can't be real... Sera...!"

"Shhh, luv. It's alright. I'm here. I'm real. Just got'to open your eyes luv. Wake up," she choked, sobs threatening her, "**please**..." The shaking wouldn't stop, the chanting, and occasional shouts. Sera lifted the blankets and snuggled in tightly on the cot. She wrapped her arms around Trevelyan's head and pushed it towards her chest, softly stroking the trembling warrior's hair.

"Shaking like a leaf, luv. Not like you. Big, tough, serious. Scary when you're angry for the little people. Sexy when you beat the crap outta arseholes for the little people. I mean... Woof. I won't ever leave ya, daft tit. Not when you've made me like you too much..." She plants a gentle kiss on Trevelyan's forehead, noticing the stroking and hugging has calmed her down immensely. "Look at you, turnin' rubbish into butter" she grinned, "makin' me all mushy. Wake up so I can make you mushy too..."

She felt the breathing on her chest still, and then a quick puff. _What?_

"Mmpf?" _Oh shite!_ Sera released Trevelyan's head, and stared at her in disbelief. She seemed slightly dazed. _Did I wake her up by suffocating her with my tits?!_

"...Soft? Where..." her voice cracked. Throat dry. "Am I?" Trevelyan looked up, and met a pair of shining brown eyes, excitement and pride dancing in them. The radiant grin with sharp canines relieved Trevelyan, and immediately she relaxed in the hold.

"Sera..." she mumbled happily, her eyes shuttering closed, drifting back off to sleep.

"**HELL** **NO!**" Sera shrieked, and quickly jumped out of the cot, Trevelyan unfortunately tumbling along and on top of her. Pain radiates along her ribs and head. "Get up daft tit! Y'know how long I waited for you to wake up?! Tried damn hard too. I had to suffocate you with my tits! You can't be all mmm Sera, make kissy face, and back to sleep, without kissing me! What the shite!"

Trevelyan was utterly confused, and as the pain dulled she started processing some things Sera said. _Suffocate with tits...?_ She felt the heat rising in her cheeks as she propped herself up, arms at either side of Sera's head. _Does that mean..._ Before her eyes wandered dangerously, Sera's hands gently slid to the back of Trevelyan's head.

"I'm waiting for my prize, _Your Worship_." her voice lilts teasingly, and her radiant grin was back.

Trevelyan's arms almost buckled. Sera, she's real, she's here. She's back. Trevelyan mirrored Sera, sheepishly grinning back, and slowly leaned down. Suddenly, white hot pain tore through her skull again. "Ugnh!" She gritted her teeth and slammed her eyes shut, trying to will the pain away.

_"Not that I would mind. Being under you. Crushed. But not like this."_

She gasped and opened her eyes, Sera was still under her, a concerned and panicked look on her face. Her mouth was moving, but Trevelyan couldn't hear her. All she could see was the chapped lips, the dry skin with glowing red veins, and the dead red eyes. She screamed.


	4. Because She Watches Me

Sera's never ran faster in her entire life. She barrelled through the doors of the war room, the advisors glaring and scrutinizing her for her rude entrance. Frankly? Sera didn't care. She's frightened to death. Not stopping to catch her breath, she blurts out "Oi! **Red**! She's... She's freakin' lost her shite!"

"Who?"

"The Herald! Screamin' oh fuck... She's fuckin' tryin' to scream an avalanche down!"

Leliana exchanged worried glances with Cullen and Josephine. She nodded to them and advanced towards the shaken archer.

"Why?"

"Piss! I d'know! We were about to kiss and then-"

"**What.**"

"Listen! She grunted, her face scrunched like she was tryin' real hard to hold a shite. Opened her eyes. Wide eyes..." Sera stopped and took a quick gulp of air, "startin' screamin' bloody murder. Sisters tryna calm her down, soldiers too. Everyone's trippin' on their pricks!"

"Sera, I told you to tell me immediately she woke up, not after you try to molest her!"

"Moles-**WHAT**?! I wasn't touchin' her! Not like that. On purpose yes! Well she was on top. She was awake! We were-"

"Enough, we must go calm her down. I will find out the rest after."

Leliana and Sera exited the chantry and went to the tent, soldiers and sisters with concern etched on their faces gathered around, but it was silent inside the tent.

"This does not bode well."

"Right, yeah? At least no avalanche is comin' for us."

"Stay out here. Do **not** come in Sera. You caused this in the first place."

"What I-!"

Leliana ignored her and entered the tent, and saw how Seeker Cassandra cradled Cecilia in her arms. "I... She wouldn't stop yelling, told me to get away, that I wasn't real. I-"

"You knocked her out?" her eyes narrowed disapprovingly. _What's done is done_.

"Yes..." Cassandra quietly admitted, ashamed. "I've never seen her look so afraid. And why would she insist I wasn't real? She was pacing far too much, and risking even more injury. I knocked her out when I had the chance. I don't understand..."

"She had a recurring nightmare during the time she was recovering. She would shout out Sera's name, and saying 'it's not real'. It seems she is reliving something that involved both you and Sera. What that is, however is what we do not yet know."

"Perhaps Solas will know? Maybe he can enter her dream and see what is troubling her."

"It is worth a try. In the mean time try to keep Sera from touching the Herald. She will make it difficult, she cares for the Herald a great deal."

Cassandra scoffs. _That's putting it mildly._ "No guarantees. I am sure she will find a way."

"We cannot afford to have the both of them mentally scarred and incapable of fighting, Cassandra, else even this breach will be the least of our concerns. I suggest you put the Herald back in the cot before Sera starts screaming as well. I will go find Solas and request him to take a look."

"Alright, please hurry. I do not want to be alone with that hysterical thief." Cassandra states as she gently lifts and carries Trevelyan back to the cot.

"Of course." Leliana nods her head and exits the tent. She sees the strained and fidgeting elf sitting on the ground, shivering. Immediately Sera jumps up, hope in her eyes.

"Well?! I can go in now yeah?"

"Yes. Do **not** tou-" Sera had already passed Leliana and entered the tent. She then heard the elf shout inside.

"What the shite?! Punchin' bears ain't enough for ya, ya had to go and clobber her too?!"

Leliana sighed and pinched her nose. She looked at the remaining Sisters and soldiers until they got the hint and scattered to the winds. She began walking over to Solas's cabin.

* * *

Sera paced back and forth, a buzz on her nerves, feeling light headed. A sick feeling in her gut, she hated this. What is wrong with her? Or with Cecilia? It's her damn fault. _Cecilia. Got to do somethin' with that name. Too fancy. Too rich tit. She's a daft tit. My loony. Cecilia... Sosilly...a. Right! Don't need the so or a, just Silly. Suits her. Silly._ Sera glances at Trevelyan and chuckles nervously, before resuming her pacing back and forth the tent.

"Sera, **please**, calm down and sit down. Your pacing is making even me nervous."

"Shut it, bear puncher." she spat vehemously.

Cassandra raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "Bear puncher. Really."

"Bloody right, yeah! Punch bears, punch dragons, punch mighty heralds! _My Herald!_" Sera seethed, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Look I'm... Just calm down! I had to, she was going to injure herself!"

"So you bloody fuckin' **punch** her lights out. Makes sense! Hey ya gonna hurt yerself, here lemme help ya! **PUNCH**. Oh yer losin' yer mind too? **PUNCH.** Oh shite! You friggin' bleedin'! **ARROW.**"

Cassandra groans, and buries her face in her hands. "Alright, I get it. It was not the best decision I've ever made-"

"Bloody fuckin' right for once."

"What's done is done! Arguing about it will not change a thing. We must stay calm and-"

"Shut it."

"Sera, please see reason."

"**Shut. It.** You want to be calm and mighty? Fine. Ain't friggin' work for me. Dunno what this daft tit is doin', screamin' her lungs out instead of kissin'. What weird tit screams instead of kisses? Well if it were me I could make her scream. For the right reason. But this-"

Cassandra scoffs again. "Really? Is sex all you think about? She deserves better."

Fury raced through Sera's features, but just before she was going to open her mouth, Leliana and Solas entered the tent.

"What is her present condition?" Solas inquired.

"Who, the Herald or," Cassandra asked, jerking her thumb towards Sera "the one also about to lose her mind?"

"Shut it, bear puncher!"

Leliana raised an eyebrow and looked at Cassandra, who merely shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "Solas, we will let you work, please report whatever you are able to find, or when the Herald wakes up. As **soon** as she wakes up this time..." Leliana glanced at Sera, who seemed more interested in staring at Trevelyan than listening, now. Solas nodded, and Leliana left.

"She's starting." Sera quipped. "The shallow breathing. She's havin' another nightmare. Baldy help her, _please,_" she pleaded. Her voice was shaky, and even Solas sympathized with her.

"Come Sera," Cassandra gently laid her hand on Sera's shoulder, "Solas must-"

Sera flinched, and recoiled. "_Don't touch me,_" she seethed, "I am staying. I need to stay. I'll sit quietly, I swear. I need to watch her. I need to be the one by her side. She shouts for me in her sleep. Any demon comes out I blast 'em with arrows. She needs me," her voice cracked, and quietly she continued, "I need her, too..."

Cassandra exchanged looks with Solas, until he spoke up. "That is alright, Sera, I do not have any issues with that so long as you do remain quiet. I must have utter silence to focus. Allow me to reassure you, these are simply dreams, not demons."

"Bloody demons in her dreams. Same shite. Somethin' makin' her scream. Got to be demons. Just get rid of them Baldy. Won't hear a peep from me, and my bow's here and ready." Sera fidgeted, then sat down on the ground, and stared intently at Trevelyan again.

"I will be outside the tent if you need me. Shout and I'll come running." Cassandra said, turning to leave the tent.

"Better not bloody punch **my** lights out." Sera grumbled. Cassandra smirked slightly, "You don't need to shout for me to want to punch you Sera." And with that, she left, with Sera sticking out her tongue "pppfffhhtt".

Solas sighs, _again with the fart sounds, so immature. What does the Herald see in her?_ He shook his head, and assumed a comfortable meditative pose, back straight, legs folded, arms resting on his lap with palms facing up. He let his thoughts wander, his mind drift, and imagined his spirit floating away from his body.

* * *

The Fade. But now the hard task is trying to find Trevelyan in all of this mess. Her mind can be anywhere and haunted by anything. To try and pinpoint the source of the chaos before she wakes up will be difficult. Solas had no idea how much time he had, so he started walking forward quickly. He repeated the clues he had thus far, which were only Sera, Cassandra, and the phrase 'it's not real'. Why would the Herald scream when she awoke and saw Sera? She must have seen something happened and...

Solas mentally kicked himself. _Of course._ Redcliffe castle, the future she saw! _I should have deduced as much without needing to come here._ Now he knows the location, so he focuses on the image of what he had seen of Redcliffe castle. It should be enough, and he can explore inside it in Trevelyan's dream now. He walked up the steps, when he looked up, the breach was everywhere in the sky, eerily fascinating and beautiful. He steeled himself as he placed his hands on the handles of the doors. _Can she truly survive this mental shock? Even if I pull her out from the nightmare, she'll still feel the effects of it..._

He opened the doors and stepped inside, footsteps echoing in the hollow halls. Bodies of demons and venatori littered the floor, and red lyrium was absolutely everywhere, a sea of red thrumming and humming. _Can red lyrium affect the mind in dreams, or does it merely take shape based on the dreamer's mental state?_ Solas made a point to ask Varric about it later if he had further insight on the strange lyrium.

A muffled cry caught Solas's attention. His ears perked up, and his head shot forward. He squinted into the darkness, cautiously walked forward in the shadows, until he saw Trevelyan gingerly holding Sera's corpse. Cassandra and Leliana's corpses also lay littered among the rest of the bodies, a truly gruesome sight indeed. Solas has seen much during his travels in the fade, but this was gut-wrenchingly abhorrent. Limbs... Everywhere, just lumps of meat now.

"I know somebody is there. I'll kill you too. Kill you all for hurting her." She spat, venom lacing every word. Solas stepped out slowly, "it is me, Herald. Solas."

She laughed bitterly, "everybody is dead. You aren't real."

"Look at me. Do I look corrupted by red lyrium like the others?"

Trevelyan hesitantly looked up, and studied Solas with a confused look on her face. "Why? Others have come. All of them looked corrupted but... Not you. Why?"

"You're experiencing a recurring nightmare. I have travelled here willingly and because of that I have temporarily broken the chain. You must pick yourself up, Herald. You must learn to let go and move on."

She gripped Sera's body tighter, her knuckles turning white. "Move on?" she says vengefully. "Move on? How! Sera is dead!" her throat constricts, "Nothing matters anymore, if I couldn't save her, what good am I? I-"

"She is alive, Herald. Remember? This is your nightmare. She is alive and well, and eagerly awaiting your presence. She is incredibly bored -which may I add is also an incredibly dangerous state for her- as she has not shot anything with arrows or played any childish jokes for a week now. The breach is still in the sky, you still have purpose. You are not helpless, Herald. Fight it. If you believe in nothing else, believe in that. **Fight.** That was the reason you experienced this horrendous future. To fight and prevent it."

Trevelyan looked down at the broken and corrupted body. "I can protect her?"

Solas smiled, and walked closer. He leaned down and extended his hand. "You can protect her, and save us all from our nightmares." _Will she survive?_ "Come, I will help you wake up, but it will not be an easy battle Herald. Steel yourself. You may still see lingering effects of your nightmare in reality, for your sake and Sera's, try not to scream and get punched by Cassandra."

Trevelyan looked at Solas increduously, "Cassandra punched me? Maker, does she think I'm made of steel now? She probably reset my ribs."

"Sera has taken a liking to calling her bear puncher because of it. Quite a headache indeed."

Trevelyan chuckled, "sorry for the whole losing my mind thing Solas. And thanks for coming here, and dealing with those two, and-"

"It is of no trouble Herald. I came to assist, and I fear it is not yet over. As I said, this will not be an easy battle, in fact the hardest, and ongoing. The mind is your worst enemy. Just remember that you have people around you fighting by your side, supporting you, even if they are insufferable, immature, vulgar-"

"Devilish imps. I quite understand Solas. And I need her. She's always watched out for me." her eyes unyielding, unbending. It is clear nothing would ever change her mind on this.

Solas sighed, "I cannot say I approve, as I believe she will break your mind into pieces but..." he looked at Trevelyan, and was confused to see her smiling. "What?"

"It's the opposite. She's my glue, she holds me together. Always did. Though I suspect she wishes to be glued to something else."

"She's rubbing off on you. Before you start to recite less-than-appropriate-love poems let's wake up shall we? Prepare yourself Herald." _Please... Herald._

_Survive this._


	5. Because She Rides Me

Firstly, I apologize if there are people who are avid horse riders. This is simply my understanding and what little I remember as a child when my neighbor tried to teach me (which, like Sera, went tits up.)

I'm not entirely sure on the terms, and without internet I cannot thoroughly research as much as I'd like to (1 GB on the phone doesn't get me far haha). I can read your reviews through the emails I get on my phone though, so if someone doesn't mind correcting my terms for the horse riding I'd appreciate it, and I'll get down to editing the section immediately.

Though my original intent was just to write whatever came to mind (which I'll be honest, I don't have actual direction for this story), I was actually really surprised with the reviews and followers. I was just gonna post and be all "yes! Now it's out of my mind, and I can go back to work." But now writing is the only thing on my mind :P This is my first time writing (besides formal essays that is) and I greatly appreciate the feedback. I love to improve too though, so any tips or suggestions you've got I'll gladly listen to.

Also, as another favor, I work with wordpad without any spell check. Though I re-read in wordpad before posting, then in preview mode, and then when posted, I still find mistakes when I just happen to skim a paragraph 10 minutes later. If you spot anything that gives you pause and makes you say "wait... That doesn't make sense or look right", and it **really** irks you (I'm not sure what the community is like here in terms of grammar), please lemme know! Whew, what a long note. On to the story!

* * *

Tossing and turning, consciousness slipping in and out. Trevelyan was half-awake yet sleep was still pulling heavily on her mind; she can make out a few words that were being yelled amongst... Whoever.

"...is inappropriate!"

"I was just-"

_Inappropriate? _That sounded like Solas. Who was he arguing with? Sleep tugged on her mind, and her consciousness drifted again. Her whole being felt heavy, flashes of Redcliffe came and went, along with nicer memories. _Stupid memories._ Trevelyan is tired of the emotional burden, and tries to dream of the nicer, stupid memories. A slight smirk tugs on her lips.

Teaching Sera how to ride on the horse. _Never again. I thought she was going to kill me in the end. How did it even start again...?_ Her mind drifted. Something about traveling to the Storm Coast when they were going to meet Iron Bull and his Chargers. _Cold... It was cold. Sera was clinging to my back. Her breath was tickling the back of my neck. Fingers and toes numb, the only thing warm is the heat sitting below my neck. How is she so warm? The armor plates surely must be cold to the touch for her as well._

"How d'ya do that?" the sudden inquiry caught Trevelyan off guard, and snapped her out of her thoughts immediately.

Trevelyan's head kept facing forward and glanced sideways to try to look at Sera, careful not to give the horse mixed signals and keeping her hands still on the reins. "Huh? Do what?" Sera scooted closer and rested her chin on Trevelyan's shoulder. _So close..._

"That. Horse ridin'. Make it look so easy. Tried to learn a bit at Haven. Went tits up though... Asked others but I don't get it. What's stirrups?"

"Ah, the straps for the legs. Did you adjust them, and the girth on the saddle? You want it so-"

"Spittin' out fancy words again, still don't get it. What, ridin' for rich tits only?"

"What? No, sorry, I didn't mean to offend you Sera. How about you sit in the front, I can teach you how to ride. We can worry about getting on the horse later. You never want to be too tense and-"

"I know how to _ride_, Lady Herald," Sera teased, "prefer women though. Not horses."

Trevelyan coughed and choked on air, the heat sitting comfortably at her neck now rose up and inflamed her cheeks. She corrected herself and eased the tension in her heels, noticing the horse was trotting faster. _Canter and lose Sera. Not a good idea, Cecilia._ "Tha-That's uh... Uh..."

"Relax! Don't get your underpants in a bunch. That'd be real nice to see too. Cute when ya blush. Easy too." Sera's eyes darted from the scar on Trevelyan's neck, to her red cheeks. _She's still stuttering. _She grinned. She knew the tough warrior's weakness now. Flirting. She leaned a bit more on Trevelyan's shoulder, breathing directly on her neck. Sera's left hand slid lower to Trevelyan's thigh, and her right hand dipped lower to clutch at the warrior's lower abdomen. She tensed immediately. "Careful Herald. Don't want to be too tense right?" her voice tilted and lilted teasingly again.

Trevelyan lets out a shaky breath, trying to relax and regain her composure. The horse was changing speed constantly due to her body language, _poor guy is getting real confused. Maker, so am I. What is this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach?_ She croaks out, her tongue feeling suddenly swollen and her throat dry, "S-Sera... Ah, did you... So did you want to learn how to ride?" _Need to change the topic. Anything but this. I feel like I'm going to lose it._

Sera sighs, "yeah, fine. Let's switch, just hoist me back up there big lion lady."

Trevelyan raised her eyebrow, _lion lady?_ "Alright, lean back slightly first." She pulled lightly on the reins, and relaxed her legs. The horse slowed down and stopped. Sera used her to stay steady as she hopped down, and then Trevelyan followed. She adjusted the stirrups, then grabbed Sera's waist, _so small, so warm..._ She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. She lifted Sera up, and guided her feet into the stirrups. Trevelyan hoists herself up, and scoots closer to Sera. Good thing her bow was already strapped to the horse's pack, though that took a long time of convincing the archer to let go of her bow for the duration of the trip.

She slides her gloved hands over Sera's, "Don't grab the reins too tightly." Sera snickered, _must be another dirty joke, Maker there is nothing else on her mind_. "Squeeze your legs into the horse, just behind the girth-"

"What's that?"

"The belt, keeping the saddle in place. Here. See where my legs are? Squeeze there. Harder" Another snicker. _Maker..._ The heat was coming back to Trevelyan's cheeks. _It's bad enough that I can already assume what dirty joke has taken hold of her mind._ The horse started walking slowly, _okay good, now-_

"Bloody slow." Sera dug her heels in harder, and the horse started trotting. This caught them both off guard, and in an attempt not to fall off, Trevelyan grabbed on to Sera. _Huh? Was she always this soft?_ Sera giggles, desperately trying to hold in her laugh. Carefree and playful, her voice echoed in Trevelyan's mind, and she couldn't help the smile tugging on her lips.

"Didn't know you wanted to cop up a feel that badly, luv. Coulda asked. Horse 'n' you workin' together?"

"W-what?" Trevelyan leaned forward and looked over Sera's shoulder. Of course, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Both of her gloved hands were squeezing Sera's breasts. She stammered, her eyes wide as saucers. "I-I... I'm so sorry, I, oh Maker, shit. Fuck. I'm so sorry!" She let go immediately, her mind buzzing, her whole body now on fire. The feeling in her stomach came back in full force, she panicked, and lost her balance off the horse. Thankfully there was a lot of snow around to soften the blow.

Her mind was still reeling, until it registered the fact Sera was full out laughing. _That rich sound..._ she mentally kicked herself, _I can't stop thinking about her!_ Blearily she looked up, and saw that Sera was able to stop the horse and hopped off by herself, with precise skill. _What? I thought she didn't know how to ride..._

"_I know how to ride, Lady Herald..."_ the heat pooling at the pit of her stomach increased tenfold, her nerves humming. _Why? What is wrong with me? What is this aching burn..._ Sera sauntered towards Trevelyan, a touch bit more swaying in her hips, her radiant grin showing her sharp canines, bright brown eyes dancing in the light. Trevelyan was completely mesmerized. The image was burned directly in her mind.

Sera extended a hand, "so good, can't keep your balance? Flatterer, Lady Herald. White all around you. Looks nice. Would like it on my fingers," mischief spreads across her features, her warm brown eyes now sparkling with green in them. _They always change. Hazel eyes... Suits her personality._ A smirk tugs on Trevelyan's lips as she took Sera's hand. She quickly pulled Sera down, a yelp escaping the archer's lips as she crashed down.

Trevelyan laughed, and circled her arms around Sera in a crushing hold to make sure she can't escape. "Never thought I'd hear something like that, that sounded way too cute." Instantly she regretted her words, and her body was suddenly aware of the weight on top of her. Hypersensitive nerves hummed stronger, sparks traveling up and down her spine. She didn't realize her grip loosened, that Sera turned over and was now comfortably sitting on her hips with red ears.

"You _never_ heard that," she whispered vehemently, her hands resting on the leather covering Trevelyan's stomach. "Bloody arrow up your arse if you tell anyone. Got it?"Trevelyan nodded, her mind still buzzing from how Sera looked, it was taking every ounce of her to stay sane right now. She noticed Sera's cheeks looked slightly flushed, her nose a bright pink. A shiver traveled up her spine, _Maker. I'm stupid. Of course there's shivers and sparks, we're both bloody cold. We have to keep moving._

"Sera," she propped herself up on her elbows, and noticed the archer leaned in slightly with eyes closed. _Huh?_ "Sera...? We have to keep moving before this cold takes the both of us." Sera snapped her eyes open, was there... a flash of pain in them? She huffed, got up, and walked back to the horse. Her shoulders looked slightly slumped, _what did I do?_

"Sera? What's wrong? What did I do? Are you okay?"

"You left me to die."

_**What.**__ What is she talking about?! This isn't what happened... What is this memory? Didn't she say something about me being daft or something?_

"Sera, I don't understand, what are you on abou-"

As Sera turned around, Trevelyan felt sick to the stomach. _Not again. No!_ The red glowing veins and dead eyes returned to haunt her again.


	6. Because She Possesses Me

Trevelyan woke and sat up, startled and starved for air. She gasped, swallowed, her lungs burned. _Calm... Calm down. Breathe._ She stilled, inhaling slowly until her lungs felt full.

"Look who's up!" Trevelyan snapped her head to the side, squinted as her eyes adjusted to the lighting. Sera was at the entrance of the tent, smile beaming. She raced over to Trevelyan, kneeled and hugged her tightly.

"Daft tit. Mumbling or shouting all the time. Good that it's my name on your tongue. Wrong reason though... Missed ya, idiot. Worried me to death. Solas was s'posto wake ya up, but you were just half-awake, kinda there, kinda not. Spaced out look in your eyes. Scary." She kept rambling on, her hands stroking and raking through Trevelyan's hair. Trevelyan's heart constricted painfully, anxiety welling in her chest. Sera's smell smothered her, panicked and relieved her at the same time. _Is that even possible?_ She reeks of alcohol, and her hands smell like pine. _She must've been holding her bow the entire time..._

"Don't be screamin' again. Can't stand you lookin' like that. Scared me half to death. Everythin' ya did was killin' me, ya shaved ton'o years off me..."

_Death. Killing. "You left me to die."_ Trevelyan trembled, anxiety and nausea mounting. _No. She's here, and alive... Right?_

"Sera..." she mumbles hesitantly, "are you... real? I'm awake? This is real righ-"

Sera silenced her, pressing her lips forcefully against Trevelyan's mouth. Warm, wet lips. Trevelyan looked at Sera, her eyes are closed, the edges shining, threatening to spill tears. Her skin looks healthy, no red veins. _Warm, wet lips, not chapped._ _She tastes bitter._ Trevelyan's eyes shutter closed, and softly kisses back, afraid to break. _Her... or me?_ Longing desire courses her veins, her eyes squeeze tighter. Her hand slides into Sera's hair, lightly raking along her scalp and earning a soft mewl from the archer.

Sera pulls back, and Trevelyan instantly misses her warmth. She licks her lips in anticipation, body softly thrumming with excitement.

"Real enough luv?" she whispers. Trevelyan nods, her throat constricting, tears threatening her eyes. Happy beyond belief that she's staring into warm brown eyes instead of the dead red ones.

"Shhh," Sera presses her lips once more. "Won't leave ya. Ever," her voice chokes, "but you can't leave me again like that. Promise me. Made me go nuts. Red wanted to kill me all the time. Scary. I'm here, always will be," she grips Trevelyan's face between her hands. "I'm real. Dunno what these feelings are. Makin' me all itchy and warm, always squirmin'. You do that with everyone?" She paused, Trevelyan was confused. It's hard to make sense of the archer's ramblings sometimes. She has yet to promise her, and before she opens her mouth to do so Sera plunges on.

"Need you. Need you so bad it hurts," her breath is ragged, voice shaking. "_Touch_ me already. Make me go nuts in a good way." Her eyes flash dangerously, predator eyes again. Trevelyan gulps at the intensity, anxiety coming back again. She stammered, forcing the words out, "I... I don't know what to do though..."

"Grabbed my tits before didn't ya?" Trevelyan's cheeks flamed with this, she just relived most of the memory, there was no way she could forget. Sera grinned at this.

"Too easy to get ya hot and bothered Silly. _Love it_, though."

"Silly?" _And she loves it?_

"Yeah! Thought Cecilia's too fancy. Sosillya sounds shite. So... Silly. Suits ya!" she beamed.

Trevelyan raised her eyebrow, "Sera, I think I am the farthest thing from being silly, and-"

"Nah. You're weird. Loony. Silly. _My silly loony,_" she added. "I don't share. Can I mark ya? Want everyone to know you're **mine**." she whispered possessively.

"Mark... Me? Uhh Sera..." _she doesn't mean like how tigers or bears mark, right?_ Trevelyan's face visibly paled, and Sera chuckled.

"Why ya look like I'm 'bout to piss on ya? That's weird. Some like it, don't get it. Just want to nip ya."

"Nip me? Sera I'm confus-_aah.._" Sera leaned down, licking and kissing Trevelyan's neck.

"Lay down, relax." Sera pushed Trevelyan back on the cot, then climbed and settled on her hips. She leaned down, supporting herself with her arms on Trevelyan's shoulders, noticing the warrior's slight trembling. She pulled down the collar of Trevelyan's damp shirt, lightly bit and licked her collarbone, then trailed up her neck to her ear.

"Gettin' hot and stuffy in here. Ya burnin' up like crazy," she whispered, then nipped Trevelyan's earlobe.

_Hot is an understatement. Bon-fucking-fire. _Trevelyan's mind was fuzzy, it was too hard to think, it was a chore to breathe. Her hands wandered, slid up her thighs and gripped Sera's hips, unconsciously lifting her own. She earned a soft mewl from the archer, and felt the damp spot between Sera's legs. _Thought she wasn't gonna mark me like that..._ she grumbled. _Whatever..._ all she was concerned about now was exploring Sera. She could feel the archer's darting tongue play with her earlobe, and grunted when Sera pulled gently. The ember in the pit of her stomach now grew into a wild fire. She was frantic, desperate, trying to soothe the aching need without knowing how.

Sera trailed down to Trevelyan's neck again, wondering where to mark. She hummed thoughtfully, and the vibration made the warrior shiver. _What to do, what to do..._ She kissed to the right side. _Her scar... Asked. She seemed pissed. Bad memory, bad scar... Diagonal, from her collarbone to the back of her ear. Nuts. How do you survive a cut like that?_ She trailed light kisses along the scar, and heard Trevelyan's sharp intake of air. She stopped.

"What's wrong luv? It hurt?"

"No," her voice cracked, hoarse. "Opposite. Feels too _fucking_ good. Losing my mind."

Sera grinned. _Jackpot._ She licked to the middle of her neck, feeling Trevelyan shift uncomfortably below her. _Bein' an elf ain't so bad. This'll make her scream._ She suckled, pulled at the skin, earning a louder gasp and drawn out moan. _Music to my ears._ She bit down and sank her sharp canines in.

"Aah! _Fuck, _Sera!" her hands squeezed Sera's hips harder, fingers digging in, and the archer winced at this.

_Gon' leave a bruise. __**Mine**__._ Sera licked the wound gently, kissing with even pressure to slow the blood trickling down Trevelyan's neck. _Tastes like metal. Tastes weird. My weird, my Loony._ She smirked, buried her nose in and inhaled. _Smells so fucking good. Shite. She gon' make me lose my mind too._

Trevelyan squirmed again, gasping and swallowing as much air as she can. The sharp pain mixed with white hot pleasure sparked and hummed along her nerves. She relaxed her grip on Sera's hips, her hands wandered and trailed to the back, cupping and squeezing. The burning ache intensified, she unconsciously lifted her hips, grinding against Sera again.

"Shite..." Sera breathed, "Can't stop. Need you **now**, want to taste all'you." She tugged desperately at Trevelyan's shirt. _Piss. Frig'. Bloody fuck. Crap. Humans always wearing complicated shite_. She pulled out her dagger from the sheathe strapped to the back of her hips. Trevelyan's eyes widened, and momentarily panicked, until she heard ripping sounds and looked down.

Sera was actually cutting her shirt off. _Damn,_ she thought, _Josephine won't be pleased. That looked kind of expensive..._ Sera threw the dagger beside the cot, quickly and hungrily leaning down, taking Trevelyan's breast in her mouth. She was skilled, and careful not to nip with her sharp canines, at least not accidentally. Her heightened senses always made things easier. The musky smell coming from below invigorating her, the taste exciting her, the sound of gasps and moans enticing and further spurring her on.

"Sera!" Trevelyan gritted her teeth, lifted her hips again. Sera growled, the heat at her core intensified and sparked. _Fuck. Need her so friggin' badly. Losin' my mind._

A loud booming voice. "What the **fuck** is going on here?!" Sera stilled, her breathing stopped. She was too scared to look. She didn't want to die.

Trevelyan coughed, face on fire, redder than red lyrium. "Ah... Spymaster..." Sera's stomach felt like it was going to fly away, her confirmed fear taking hold of her. She visibily paled. She could hear tapping, this was also the problem with her heightened senses. She could smell fury, hear killing intent, and when she slowly looked at Leliana, saw her future. _I'm gon' die._ Her eyes wide, and she spat out as quickly as she could "Red. **I swear** it's not what it looks like!"

"Really. So if it is not what it **clearly** looks and sounded like, what is it?"

"I was, uh," she glanced at Trevelyan, who had a sympathetic look in her eyes. _Piss! She's leavin' me on my own with this!?_ "Uh, massaging her, yeah. Said her breasts felt stiff."

"_What?!" _Trevelyan whispered, _what kind of excuse is that?!_ Sera looked at her, eyes screaming "_shut it_!"

"I see." Leliana closed the tent flaps tightly, dispersing the onlookers outside. Sera let out a sigh of relief _wow, didn't think she'd fall-_

"So you cut off her shirt. Emergency massage? Life threatening stiffening of breasts certainly does sound dangerous. So painful it made the Herald scream and alert the entire camp," she ground out, arms folding and shining eyes narrowing disapprovingly.

Sera started sweating, the ominous aura intensified. Her gut was twisting and wrenching, her body slightly shaking.

"Well... When you put it like that..."

"**Sera**," Leliana said sternly, and said archer flinched. "Outside the tent, **now**."

"Can I give a farewell kiss?"

"**Now!**" Leliana pivoted on her heel and left. Sera hastily climbed off Trevelyan, who gave her a worried and sympathetic look. Trevelyan grabbed her wrist, propped herself up on her elbow, and gave Sera a brief but passionate kiss.

"Come back to me, alive" she breathed.

Sera beamed "always, yeah luv? Don't worry 'bout nothin'. Be back soon, one more kiss for the road." she leaned in and gave a quick peck. Despite the impending doom, she jogged off happily.

_Don't matter. My Loony. They can't take her away from me anymore, got my arrows._ Sera exited the tent, a furious Spymaster waiting and impatiently tapping her foot. _Shite. She is really pissed. Can't exactly stuff her with arrows and run away. Piss. I'm screwed. Not the good kind. _Her nostrils flared, remembering that her amazing moment and promise of more was utterly ruined and destroyed.

"What did I say, Sera. Do you even remember? Does anything stay in that head of yours? I told you countless times. As **soon** as the Herald wakes up. See that hole in the sky? We don't have time for **fucking** games!" Leliana seethed, fists clenched, face slightly red from the yelling. She glared at those who dared to eavesdrop, and they scattered quickly. Drama and the chance to gossip was not worth dying over.

Sera looked down, shuffled her feet. "I know, yeah? Shite. Was just excited. Happy she's alive, awake. She didn't scream. Asked if I was real, so I kissed her. Didn't mean for nothin' more, just-" Leliana's exhale stopped the archer. She hesitantly looked up, trying to figure out if she'll be dead by the evening, or by the night. _Got'to screw once before I die._ _Got'to tell her..._

"Sera. Please, control yourself until the breach is sealed. The Herald is in a delicate situation, her mental state is extremely fragile. You **can** break her permanently if you are not careful."

"But she's awake! She knows I'm real! I was careful with her. I made sure not to touch where it'd hurt, she's fine!"

"For now. But the trauma and atrocities she witnessed have affected her deeply. It's a wound that takes time and care to heal. Those memories will surface, she will likely still have trouble sleeping, and maybe she'll even relive those memories while she's awake. Please, Sera. Do not toy with the Herald."

Sera's temper flared, she snapped. She stomped closer to Leliana and slapped her, uncaring of the consequences and shocked onlookers. Leliana touched her stinging cheek, bewildered, and taken aback from the furious elf.

"I am **not** playing with her Red," she spat venomously, "she is **mine**. You can't keep her from me. I can take care of her better than all you big talky arseholes. Ever stop to think you drive her nuts? Callin' her Chosen One, Maker's Prophet, all that shite. It fuckin' scares her, knowin' she's got the world on her shoulders. Maybe **you** shites broke her. I keep her together. She keeps me together. No matter what, I am staying with her. Don't give a bloody shite if you order a hit on me."

Sera turned on her heels and stomped back to the tent. She tilted her head sideways, eyes glaring with fury, "I'll stuff you with arrows if you hurt her, Red."


	7. Because She's Lost Me

intheinkpot, I hope you catch this quick edit. I have to say unlocking my phone and reading the email of your review made me laugh my ass off. I didn't intend it in that manner but you certainly raised a great point. Slapping Leliana is like writing your will. Scratch that, don't even have time to write a will!

* * *

Sera entered the tent, and Trevelyan was already up, closing clasps and fastening buckles to secure the armor plates. _ Buckles. So many of 'em._

"Piss." to say she was disappointed was an understatement. She was really hoping to toss around and cheer up after the deadly spat with the Spymaster.

Trevelyan chuckled, "Sorry, Sera. I'm sure I've missed a lot, I need to get back to work. Hole in the sky won't close by itself." She started to turn around, "I'm glad you made it ba-" and stopped, eyes wide.

Sera tilted her head, curious. "What? Don't got somethin' on my lips? Can fix that." she walked towards Trevelyan, who seemed to be getting paler each step she took. The warrior closed her eyes and breathed deep, _what is she doing?_ She reached up and touched Trevelyan's cheek, who flinched and stepped back.

"Buckles? What's wrong?"

Trevelyan pushed her hair bangs back with her gloved hand. She took another deep, shaky breath, willing herself control and forcing the lump down her constricted throat. She couldn't bring herself to open her eyes, she was terrified of what she might see.

"Open yer eyes, daft tit. Tell me what's wrong. Can't help if I d'know."

"I _can't_." Her hands were getting cold and clammy inside the gloves, her gut twisted, and her breathing was shallow. Her chest felt heavy, fear welling up and seizing her. She was losing control.

"Whad'ya mean ya can't? Course ya can. Move yer mouth and make some sound. Yer real good at that. C'mon now luv."

_Can't do this. Can't stay here. Going to die. I'm going to die if I stay here. Got to get out._ Trevelyan opened her eyes, but ignored Sera and quickly pushed past her. She exited the tent, her head felt light, but her feet heavy. She was shaking uncontrollably, she clenched her fists until they painfully cracked. Her eyes darted around, some soldiers saluted, others looked concerned. Her eyes met the Spymaster. _Fuck!_ She gritted her teeth. _Her too! _An intense wave of nausea hit her. Something gripped her wrist suddenly, she looked back, and regretted it. The one person she can't afford to see right now. She felt dizzy, the whole world was spinning.

"Slow down, daft tit! What the friggin' shite is wrong?!" Fear. Fear in her red dead eyes. Her voice sounded different, it echoed, but it was dead. Everything about her was dead, and wrong.

Trevelyan yanked her wrist and pulled herself free, and tried to walk, where she didn't know and it didn't matter. She stumbled, her legs gave out, her gut wrenched again, and she covered her mouth with both hands. _Oh Maker... Maker I'm going to die._ Feelings of dread, desperation, depression, absolute fear took hold of her, she thought her chest was going to explode. Her vision clouded, it was turning red. Images flashed in her mind.

_"Demons everywhere. Everything is gone. Or Red. And I just..." _

Dead red eyes. Dead skin, dead voice. Her quiet choked sobs, the tight hug from the frail archer. Guarding the throne door, waiting for Dorian, Leliana and Cassandra to come back with the shards. She pushed Sera in and hugged her tighter. Uncontrollable tears when Sera reached up and touched her face, comforting her, whispering sweet nothings. _I should have comforted her. Not the other way around._ Another image flashed.

_"Please... Save me."_

Sera lying limp, gashes in her face and neck from the claws. Her neck bent awkwardly, when it snapped. Fear apparent in her eyes, mouth contorted from pain. Another Terror came, stepped on Sera, uncaring, unfeeling. The claws in it's feet slashed and ripped open Sera's stomach, blood spurting out and pooling around her. The Terror kept walking towards Leliana, but Trevelyan's eyes were fixated on the archer's corpse. Her mouth was dry, lungs heaving.

Cassandra fell next, her shield arm cracked under the weight of a rage demon's blow. It snapped the radial bone, penetrated the skin, and Cassandra howled in pain. The bone jutted out and she dropped her sword without thinking, only trying to stabilize her arm. The rage demon struck, it's arm tearing through Cassandra's gut, the fire consuming and burning her from the inside. Leliana kept firing, but it was hopeless. She was shot in the chest, but pushed past the pain and kept fighting.

Another image. Leliana in a choke hold, gasping. Trevelyan couldn't hold it in anymore, her tears flowed freely, her ribs howling and cracking under the pressure of powerful sobs. Dorian started dragging her back into the portal, and all she could see was Leliana smile before the black took hold of her.

"You'll have to do better than that!" Dorian smirked, but then looked down at Trevelyan. There was no life in her eyes, her expression was blank. She stood slowly, bracing her ribs, and walked towards Alexius despite the pain radiating throughout her body. She loomed over Alexius, hollow eyes boring into him.

Alexius's eyes downcast, and muttered "You win. There is no point extending this charade..."

Trevelyan kneeled. "Look at me," she said sternly. "Tell me, what do you see?"

Alexius looked, studied her, and he was confused. "I see nothing." Nothing but hollow, dead, red eyes.

More images flashed within her mind. She was spiraling out of control, she felt her body being held, and then moved. Somebody was moving her. She didn't feel like she was in her body anymore, like she was watching from afar instead. She heard curses shouted, they sounded familiar, belonged to someone she felt she knew. She opened her eyes, realized she was lying down. An elf was looming over her, looking straight into her eyes, her mouth was moving, tears sliding down her cheeks. She looked beside the elf, and a hooded figure was standing there, also looking worried and panicked.

She tried to move her mouth, mumbled, the words came tumbling out.

"... Who are you? And where am I?"

The elf and hooded figure exchanged glances before the elf stood up and she walked away. Screaming could be heard soon after, when Trevelyan turned her head to follow the elf's fleeting figure, she saw her punch a wooden post, a choked and rage-filled cry echoed in the camp. The post cracked under the weight of the punch, but the elf seemed unconcerned. She continued walking away, leaving a trail of blood dripping from her hand.

She looked back at the hooded figure, her eyes looked heavy, and filled with sadness, empathy. "Is she okay, can I help her? What's wrong with her?" Trevelyan asked, slowly sitting up. The hooded figure looked back, a sad smile tugged on the corners of her lips.

"She just lost something very close and precious to her heart. She will need time to calm down before you try to help her. In the meantime, come, you need rest."


	8. Because She Knows Me

"Talk."

Solas was reasonably... uncomfortable. Staring down a furious elf with knuckles split open you can see the bone, and an arrow still aimed right for your head, is sure to unnerve anyone. Her hand is unsteady because of the injury, she could let go by accident at any time.

"Sera, please. Calm down. I will-"

"**Talk!** What did you do to her?!"

"To who?"

Sera nocked the arrow back further, to her ear. Her right injured hand is starting to tremble from the strain.

"Don't think I won't stuff you with arrows, Baldy. The Herald. She doesn't know me or Red. She doesn't remember me..." she lowered the bow slightly, eyes downcast. She snapped up, with her bow, and Solas flinched.

"You did something to her in her head! You did it on purpose!"

"Sera, I assure you, I did nothing except pull her from her nightmare. She is suffering from a concussion still, these symptoms are normal. Pulling her from the nightmare placed both her mind and body under strain. It's possible she is going through mental shock right now. She-"

"Talk sense Baldy. Will she remember me?"

Solas paused. The mind is complex, and memories fickle. He's healed as much as he could, but you can only grow new cells, not repair old ones. There's a chance she may or may not regain her memories, and which ones. Is that something he's willing to say with an arrow pointed at-

"**Tell** **me**." Sera let go of the arrow and it grazed Solas's ear, imbedding itself into his door behind him. She chambered another arrow.

Well, it's clear she does not care much for his life, she'll kill him with or without an answer. He sighed, and as gently as he could, he explained, "I don't know. There's a chance she will or will not."

Sera lowered the bow. "She might forget me forever?" Solas nodded. "This shite hurts, Baldy. Fix it." He sighed, "Sera, one cannot fix another individual's mind, it-"

"My hand, stupid." _Oh._ He walked over, astonished she was actually letting **him** heal her. Letting magic near her. A soft glow emanated around his hands, and as he hovered over hers, she yanked it back quickly.

"Shite! Forget magic. Frig' that! Don't ya got bandages? Y'know, normal fixing. I don't need you messin' with my head too."

"Sera, look at your hand. I'm surprised you can even move it. Whatever you did, it's down to the bone, there's no nerves left. It'll take a long-"

"Blah blah blah. Yeah shite hurts. Don't care. No magic. No messin' with my head. Ain't gon' do nothin' without the Herald. She lost her mind, think she gon' be goin' out fightin' demons and closin' arseholes in the sky? Fuck no."

"She must. It is her duty regardless of her state." That was the wrong thing to say. Before Solas could register anything he suddenly found himself pinned to the cabin wall, beside the imbedded arrow. The bow lie abandoned at their feet. Tiny hands gripping tightly around his fur collar, seething eyes like a rabid dog, ready to tear at his throat. Her canines flashed, grinning dangerously.

"Duty? Says who, you? She gon' be completely broken if she goes out now. Don't give a shite do ya? Just like the other fuckin' pissants pretending they care for her." She stared him down, "go on. Use yer fancy magic on me, and I'll stuff your arse with arrows. Wanna see," she licked her lips, "who's faster?" Solas simply stared at her with pity, further enraging the archer.

She slammed him against the wall again, earning a grunt from the mage, "**Answer me**, Baldy," then threw him on the ground, her fury escalating and clouding her mind. "Let's see who's fuckin' faster!" She reached for her bow, and nocked her arrow. Her fingers were itching and shaking to release, but she couldn't. She was frightened deep down, though wouldn't admit it even to herself, and Solas made no attempt to defend himself. She shut her eyes, _Bloody fuck shite! Mother friggin' bitchbucket, fuck it all!_ Her fingers started to slack, until a hand laid on her elbow and gently pushed it down. She opened her eyes, and looked beside her to see Trevelyan, weary but still with a soft reassuring smile.

"I don't know the full story yet, but I am truly sorry for whatever happened here ma'am." Sera blinked, _ma'am_? She lowered her arm until Trevelyan caught it. "We need to treat your hand and disinfect it before it gets even worse. For some reason I feel that not being able to shoot arrows would be worse than death for you." She smirked, then grabbed Sera's arrow and placed it back in her quiver. She extended her hand, "may I escort you back to the tent with the surgeon? I will stay by your side the entire time, this I swear."

Sera was still confused, she didn't know Cecilia like this, _she's 3 times more uptight, shite. That is one big stick in her arse_... She carried herself differently, yet her eyes seemed glassy, almost like they're hiding something. "Ma'am?"

"Oh, uhh yeah sure right whatever. Let's go then. This shite does hurt..." _It's not so bad, I s'pose. Could just make new memories. _Trevelyan smiled, _fake smile. She's hiding something._ _Know her tricks._

Solas stood up and brushed off the snow from him, then coughed. "Well then, since this seems to be temporarily resolved, I will excuse myself to my quarters. Good day." He walked over to his door, glanced at the imbedded arrow and sighed before retreating inside.

Sera looked at Trevelyan, who seemed to be waiting for the elf to take the lead. She finally noticed the blood trail in the snow that she had left earlier. _Did this daft tit rush after me and forget where the damn tents are?_ She shook her head. _Still a loony._ She grinned, briefly examining the bruise on Trevelyan's neck, _still my loony, no matter what happens._

Trevelyan raised an eyebrow, completely confused by the elf's sudden change in demeanor and wide grin. The light was greatly irritating her, her head was pounding, and it was difficult to think. Something looked very familiar in the archer's eyes, whatever it was it made her uncomfortable. She swallowed, her throat tightened. "Uh... So..." she chastised herself. _Very smooth, Cecilia. Truly an expert with words._

She forgot what she was supposed to be doing. The dull pain radiating in her skull was not helping the matter, but putting on a mask has always been easy for her. She looked down at Sera's injured hand, _ah right, the surgeon. _"Let's go then, shall we milady?" She briskly walked back, following what was left of the blood trail before it was covered with fresh snow.

Sera followed behind, studying Trevelyan, oddly remaining quiet. Then her curiosity took over, "whad'ya hidin'?" she blurted. Trevelyan stopped, and turned around with her practiced smile, "Not hiding anything, milady."

"Sack of nug shite."

_Well, that was certainly eloquent of her._ The words oddly comforted her though. Sera walked closer, and leaned up to Trevelyan's ear. _"I know yer moves," _she whispered, eliciting a shiver from the warrior. Sera rocked back on her heels, satisfied she still had an effect and smirking at Trevelyan struggling to remain composed.

"Don't bite. Well I do. Yer neck," she grinned, then chuckled nervously, "ya can tell me the truth. Won't hurt ya. Ya too important to me, y'know? Care for you lots, luv." Trevelyan felt guilty at these revelations but wasn't sure why. She didn't know what to say or if she should trust the archer. Her life had taught her, forced her to always be wary and to never get too close to others. Regardless, she knew she was caught and her act was up. She couldn't hold out for much longer, so she sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry. I was lying all along."


	9. Because She Comes for Me

Warning: kinda sorta sex scene. First attempt, have patience and tolerate me please. Never had sex with a woman (for a few years at all, anyways), don't know how it'd work, so don't sue me if it's not accurate D: And no, this is one I do not want tips or suggestions with :P, my face is burning enough as it is. Sometimes I worry the things my mind comes up with...

* * *

Her stomach sunk as soon as she heard those words.

"What?" her mouth dry, frantic thoughts passing her mind. "Lyin' 'bout what?" _Us?_

Trevelyan pinched her nose, rubbed her forehead. The dull ache turned into sudden sharp pangs. Something about the fear in Sera's eyes was bringing up odd images in her mind. _Memories?_ She groaned. "I'm sorry-"

"Tell me what the bloody shite you mean already!" _Was she pretending she forgot? No. Don't make sense._ Fear was taking a hold of her, she clenched her fist and grunted at the pain shooting up her injured hand. She stared at Trevelyan, anxiety mounting in her as she watched her groaning and clutching her head. _What the fuck is wrong with her? She gon' drive me nuts!_

Trevelyan was disoriented, images flashed across her mind again, odd words echoed loudly. "Lying," she breathed, "my head really fucking hurts. Everything hurts," she grunted, "didn't want to worry you, you're hurt enough."

Realization dawned on her, and relief washed away all doubts. Bloody_ idiot. Thinkin' 'bout me instead of herself. _

"Hate to break it to ya luv, that plan's mighty shite."

Trevelyan chuckled then groaned, clutching her head tighter.

"C'mon luv. Ya need rest, it'll fix ya right up. Then after we play, and march march arrow kick. Good innit?"

"Your hand-"

"Is fine. Bed first, bandages after."

"But I swore I'd be at your side when-"

"Sleep beside me then. Daft tit, quit makin' this difficult."

Sera hooked her good arm around Trevelyan's waist, ushering her along to the tents. She noticed the Spymaster staring at them, _is she... smiling? Andraste's plump tits! Red is smiling!_ Sera's head shot up to the sky, _no no, it's already the end of the world. But if a hole rips open above our tent, it's Red's fault._

Sera guided Trevelyan into her tent instead, hoping the familiar environment will do _something_, anything. _She's gettin' bloody heavy. Feet's just shuffling now._

"Don't..." Trevelyan mumbled, Sera looked up at her confused.

"Don't what, luv?" Silence. Sera shrugged it off and walked the warrior over to her makeshift bed, then plopped her down on it. She grabbed the fur blanket and tossed it on, silently cursing at the throbbing in her hand. She looked at Cecilia again, and tucked her hair bangs behind her ear. _Lookin' peaceful,_ she grinned and leaned down to her ear "Better dream of me, luv."

She was about to stand up, until Trevelyan caught her wrist, eyes unfocused. "Name..." _what?_ "Your name. Sera?"

She felt giddy and proud. "Damn right, it'tis. What made ya remember, did I make ya scream it?"

"No..." she mumbled. "You died."

_Oh. Well shite._ _Wait what?_ "But I'm alive."

"Yeah..." she drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.

"Bloody weirdo. Ya never make sense do ya?" Sera stood up and exited the tent, the throbbing in her hand intensified now that she's focused on it. She rushed over to the surgeon, who was already tending to injured soldiers. He dismissed her and told her to try the healers.

"Fuck. Shite." She'd rather lop off her hand then trust magic. _But then no arrows._ She sighed, and accidentally ran her injured hand through her hair. "_Fuck!_" She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked back. Dorian... Smirking. _Not good._

"My favorite devilish imp. I was wondering if you knew any words beyond curses."

"_Shut it, _tit. I like ya, don't ruin it."

"Anyways, I can help you."

"Really?!"

"With magic."

"**No.**" Sera started walking away until Dorian blocked her path.

"The Herald will be upset if you lose a hand."

"I'll throw arrows instead then and-"

"Sera, think of how little you can do with just _one_ hand. _In bed._"

"Right. Get on with it, use your creepy tool." Dorian groaned, _again with the tool_, and started healing as Sera was distracted with her rambling. "Gimme a magical hand. One that can make her scream. Well I can already do that. Make her scream as soon as I touch her then. Wait do that too... Shite I dunno. Do it already!"

"I'm already done, imp." Dorian smirked, satisfied with his work. "Fast and perfect. I do good work, naturally."

"What.. when...?"

"While you were describing about the Herald screaming. I dare say it's better than a magical hand now, Sera. It's a _miracle hand_. When you touch her, she will succumb to your touch, writhing uncontrollably, and her bosom will bloom as the moon-"

Sera was already gone, rushing back to Trevelyan's tent.

"That didn't take long. Can't believe sex changed her mind about magic," he chuckled, "I wonder if she even understood what I was saying?"

Sera saw the Spymaster waiting outside Trevelyan's tent._ Shite._ She blanched, _she's gon' kill me. Get rid of the witnesses for seeing her smile._ It was too late to hide, she felt the Spymaster's hand on her shoulder as she turned. _What the fuck?_ _Did she fly here?!_

"Where do you think you're going, Sera?" she could hear the smirk in Leliana's voice.

"Place called 'wanna live'." Leliana laughed. Sera's head shot back up at the hole in the sky. _No demons being shat._

"I already checked on the Herald. She's sleeping peacefully. I just wanted to let you know I've stationed a couple soldiers on routine guard duty. They'll check on her from time to time, so do not be alarmed and please try not to shoot them."

"Got it, Red. Can I go see her now?" her loyalty to the Herald always surprised Leliana, but then again she was not one to judge, with her past. She nodded to Sera, and headed back to the Chantry. There was much work to be done, the longer the breach stayed the more danger the mage allies were in. She sighed, _I hope she gets better, and soon. _She gave a quick and brief explanation to Trevelyan about the rifts and the mark on her hand, before she heard the archer shouting and rushed off to find her. Even though she's lost her memories, her heart hasn't forgotten. _Just like the Warden..._ Leliana touched her lips, smiling fondly. _In any case, the world is in Sera's hands now._ She groaned,_ Maker help us._

* * *

Sera tread silently, careful not to stir the Herald too early. She raised the fur blanket, and snuggled in tightly, wrapping her arms around Trevelyan's waist and crossing her leg over. She buried her face in Trevelyan's neck where her bruise was, and gently licked. Trevelyan hummed in approval, and this spurred Sera on.

_Right, miracle hand. Sack of nug shite, stupid mage. But maybe..._ She snuck her hand under Trevelyan's shirt, and smoothed her palm on the toned abs. She shivered, _woof..._ her hand explored, and she closed her eyes to focus on the feeling. _I'll make you remember... Screw the past. I'll just make you scream my name over and over again._ She slid her hand down lower, dipping inside Trevelyan's pants. _So soft..._ she gently circled the clit with her fingers, and stilled when Trevelyan moaned.

_Shite, what am I doing?_ She looked at Trevelyan's face, her brows furrowed together, face still contorted in pleasure, and her breaths shallow and fast. _Fuckin' sexy._ She licked the bruise on the neck again. _Need her so bad. Need to taste, need to-_ she buried her nose in, inhaled and groaned. Lust was clouding her mind. _Wrong. This is wrong but..._ She noticed Trevelyan's wet core, and gently circled again. Trevelyan's chest heaves, tosses her head to the side. _Can't believe she's still asleep. Loony. Fuckin' sexy..._ She dips one finger in, and Trevelyan bucks, her hips lift up for more.

"_Fuck._" Sera breathes, "I'm losin' it just watchin' ya."

"S-Sera..." she stills and holds her breath. _Still asleep. She does remember me,_ she grins mischievously. She inserts a second finger, plunges deeper, and grinds her palm in. Trevelyan bucks, head tossing again, a choked gasp slips her lips. Sera spreads her fingers apart inside, circles them, pulls out and plunges roughly back in. She rubs along the top wall, and feels for the rough spot. She curls and hooks her fingers and gently pulls, enjoying the sight of Trevelyan unraveling before her, chanting her name like a mantra. _Mine. All mine. Only mine._ The scent is driving her crazy, she pulls her fingers out and rams them in roughly and rapidly. She leans down and nips the bruise on the neck, then sucks on it.

"Touched Herald," she chuckles, her voice husky and low, "not as innocent as you play," she hooks and pulls again, her fingers are being sucked in. She nips Trevelyan's ear, and whispers, "Come for me, luv. Scream so the whole camp can hear yer mine." She circled, then raked her fingers along the rough spot, licking her lips and watching Trevelyan come undone. She finally woke, startled, moaning loudly with her unexpected release. Disoriented, dazed, and gasping for air, she gazes down at Sera. Impish glee danced in her razor sharp eyes and a proud grin sweeped across her features.

"Sleep well, luv?"

* * *

The world in Sera's hands indeed ;)


	10. Because She Means the World to Me

Quick note:

I probably should have explained this in the beginning (after Chapter 1 anyways), but just as a procrastinated note, italicized words/sentences are generally the character's conscious/mental thoughts. I may slip up and use it even when they speak for emphasis (e.g. "_Idiot_" vs "**Idiot**"), but that is due to a personal reading preference since I find bold words distract me and hold my attention when I wish to keep reading. However, I can't make up my mind as I write because I don't want people to think the character is only thinking the words as opposed to saying it out loud, which may cause confusion. I apologize for the inconsistencies in my writing, but I hope they aren't too hard to figure out when I make these mistakes.

I also apologize for any frustration caused by Trevelyan's timid character despite being a blunt/direct warrior, I'm trying to capture what it might be like to a) have symptoms from a concussion and b) have recent traumatic experience on top of that. I must warn you, (and *spoiler* as well), her mental state will still shift between stable and unstable due to what happens with the destruction of Haven as well. If you're here for more happy fluffy stuff and less dark stuff, you may wish to pick another story, until I write happier stuff in the future anyways :P

Anyways, hope you still enjoy the story regardless!

* * *

Trevelyan pinched the bridge of her nose, and groaned. She could **not** focus on this meeting for the life of her. Cullen and Josephine were arguing... _something about routes. Damn headache, wish it went away._ They already blew out a couple candles so the light in the room wouldn't irritate the Herald as much, though it took extra time reading the reports.

She looked at the Spymaster, who was observing her carefully. The Spymaster gave a brief summary of the green mark on her hand, what happened, and what needs to happen. There was precious little time, and a lot weighing down on the young warrior's shoulders. _So much depends on me..._ Her mind kept reeling back at what happened in the tent with Sera, coughing to try and keep the heat down at her neck instead of her cheeks. Leliana, still watching like a hawk, picked up on this naturally and mentally noted each change in Trevelyan's features.

"**Enough.** The arguing is getting us nowhere, and it is making it harder for the Herald to concentrate." Cullen and Josephine looked at Leliana, then apologetically nodded their heads before silenced.

"Herald," Leliana began, eyes still trained for minor changes, "There is little time left. We must attempt to seal the breach as soon as possible. I understand you are under a lot of strain, and I will ask the healers or Solas if they have any sleeping aids to offer in order to-" the blush crept up Trevelyan's neck, this does not go unnoticed, "help you feel your best tomorrow."

Cullen spoke up, "I recommend we assign a couple the templars who have joined us to be the Herald's personal guard throughout this whole process." He looked at the Herald directly, "you may not remember much of your family, but given their history you may feel more comfortable with templars by your side."

_Family..._ An image flashed in her mind. Kneeling in the chantry, a slightly older boy beside her. _Brother...?_ Pain rang across her skull, and she pinched her nose and groaned. The advisers exchanged uncomfortable glances, guilt riding on them for forcing the Herald to fight in her current state.

"It must be done," the advisers looked at Trevelyan, who gritted her teeth and continued, "duty first," she smirked despite another sudden pang, "modest in temper. Bold in deed. Got to live up to it or I'm not a...a..."

"Trevelyan." Josephine finished, a smile sweeping her features. Cecilia looked down, concern filling her. She hardly remembered who she was, but many things came to her naturally and this frightened her. _What sort of person am I? _She felt wrong each time she had a fake smile, or said something that masked what she meant, but it still happened regardless. Her mind and heart could never agree, they were on opposite ends of the spectrum.

"I will remember, eventually right? I mean the memories and images flash here and there. I want to remember, I need to remember-" she paused, her knees feeling slightly weak when a certain elf came to mind, "her..." she quietly mumbled. The advisers looked confused, 'her' could mean anyone, though they suspected it was most likely Sera. The archer had been damn near attached to the hip ever since the accident in the cave. Trevelyan shook her head and looked up, another fake smile. "I'm sorry for troubling you like this. I will be ready for tomorrow, count on it."

"It is no trouble, Herald. It is us who are at fault for pushing you like this." Josephine walked over, and laid a reassuring hand on Trevelyan's shoulder. "We are here for you, always. Whatever you need. Sleep well tonight, Herald. Good day." Josephine and Cullen politely excused themselves, and Trevelyan looked down, uncomfortably shuffling her feet under the gaze of Leliana.

"I, uh, think I'll go now too..."

"What did she do?" the Spymaster sternly inquired.

"Huh, what? Nothing. Sera did nothing. At all, yeah."

"I didn't ask about Sera, but this is certainly an interesting development, no?" Leliana smiled, and for some reason unknown to Trevelyan, fear took hold of her and she was frozen in place. Even her damn body remembered things her mind couldn't. Her hands feel clammy, and she felt a drop of sweat trickle down the side of her face as Leliana walked closer.

"My guards reported to me there were some... Peculiar noises coming from the tent. They felt uncomfortable to check and judged it was inappropriate to," her eyes flashed dangerously, "intrude."

Trevelyan gulped, her throat constricted, and Leliana continued, "I noticed you also seemed uncomfortable about the prospect of me asking the healers for sleeping aids. Care to enlighten me on what happened between you and Sera in the tent?"

"She massaged me, that's all." _What a total lie. Please believe it. Please believe it!_ She swallowed the lump in her throat, _she's scary. Innocent looking but a deadly viper._

Leliana nodded thoughtfully, "Emergency massage hmm? I see she couldn't control herself once again."

_Ugh, she definitely doesn't believe it. Wait... Again? She did that before?! _The hungry look in Sera's eyes flashed in her mind. Her stomach stirred uncomfortably, a dull ache settled between her legs.

Leliana smirked, she loved to tease, "So. Am I to take it you do not need sleeping aids then, Herald?"

"No! I mean yes! I need sleeping aids, something to knock me out. **Permanently**." she blurted out, _Maker,_ _what am I saying?! My mouth keeps running off without my damn mind!_ "I mean-" Leliana chuckled, "relax, you're so cute when you're flustered." Suddenly, an arrow imbedded itself into the door, the crisp sound echoing loudly. Trevelyan jumped, but Leliana remained calm and sighed.

"Calm down Sera," another arrow, "you have nothing to worry about," another arrow, Leliana's temple started twitching, her temper slowly getting the best of her. Trevelyan looked bewildered, and Leliana continued, "you have nothing to fear," another arrow, "for **fuck's** sake Sera! I only said she's cute!" Leliana seethed, and Sera opened the door, stomped inside, and slammed it shut. She aimed at the Spymaster again.

"Gon' stuff ya with arrows _Sister_ Nightingale. Told ya, she's **mine**. Can't take her away from me. Won't let ya."

"Ah... Uh... Let's all calm down?" Cecilia sighed, _right, very reassuring and confident. Need to distract her,_ "Sera-"

"Not now, Buckles. Busy." _Buckles?_

"Sera," the heat was rising in her cheeks, she knew her suggestion was going to be taken wrong. "let's go back... to my tent," Sera lowered her bow, her grin wide, "ah, to uh... talk, of course!"

"Talk, or scream?" Trevelyan choked on the air and coughed. She cleared her throat before weakly continuing, "T-talk... Let's go." As they both walked out, Sera looked behind her and flipped her middle finger, "Remember Red. It's **my** name on her tongue, not yours."

* * *

Each step Trevelyan took increased the uneasy feeling in her stomach, she was getting frustrated. _Why,_ she gritted her teeth, _why does she make me feel this way? Who is she? What is she?_ She looked back at the carefree elf, mischievous glee shining bright in her eyes. She stopped in front of the tent, clenching and then relaxing her hands. Her heart was beating abnormally fast, she felt incredibly hot despite the crisp cold air filling her lungs. She turned around, "Sera, I-" Sera shoved her inside.

Trevelyan stumbled and lost her balance, falling ungracefully on her butt. Sera climbed on top of her, pushing her down by the shoulders and settling comfortably on her hips. She leaned in, eyes narrowed, "Shut it. Don't like it." _Huh? Don't like what...?_ Trevelyan studied her, hoping to find answers in the archer's eyes. Something looked and felt familiar, but she couldn't quite figure out what that was.

"_Punishment,_" Sera whispered, and Trevelyan panicked instantly. _For what?!_ "Not nice innit? This morning." _Oh... Right... _The questions poured out of Sera's mouth, "What happened?" _I ran away. _"Why did you leave me?" _Because I was scared half to death._ "What did I do?" _You made me remember._ Trevelyan opened and closed her mouth, but she couldn't answer. Guilt overwhelmed her when she saw the glassy hurt look in Sera's eyes. Sera leaned back, she looked doubtful, unsure. She raked a hand through her hair and blurted out, "What do you see, when you look at me?" _What?_ _I don't get it._

Trevelyan held her breath, Sera asked again. "Answer me, Buckles." Many things come to mind. _Elf. Toned shoulders, evidence of a skilled marksman._ _Razor sharp eyes, like a reptile, or feline. Those eyes, _she gulped, _Maker. They look scary, but I feel comfortable with them._ She looks down, studies whatever is exposed, _smooth calves,_ her mouth is starting to feel dry. _I still don't understand what she's asking me, surely she knows all this?_ Her body was starting to become painfully aware of their positions, and this morning was creeping back into her mind. _Focus! I trust my heart more, and if it feels opposite to what I think then... The first word that comes to mind, what do I see when I look at her? Past._

"Future," Trevelyan croaks out, and is puzzled by her own answer. Sera tilts her head, curiosity washing over her features. Trevelyan tries again, "My future. I see my future when I look at you."

Sera hesitantly asks, "good future innit? Not the bad one?"

_What? I don't know._ _The bad one?_ "Good future." She smiles, and reaches out to touch Sera. _I don't know what I'm doing, my body is moving on it's own._ She props herself up with one elbow, and her other hand slides to the back of Sera's neck, gently tugging her down.

"So you see somebody? Not nobody?" she could hear Sera's voice quiver, doubt was filling it. In a tiny voice threatening to break she continues hesitantly, "What am I to you?"

Trevelyan paused, their faces inches apart. Her eyes focused on Sera's lips, and the feel of her breath. Her chest constricted, her mind panicked. _This isn't her. Wait, what? Failure, nothing, death. I'm dead._ A painful image of Sera bloody and broken passed her mind. _Nothing, death._

"Everything. Life." Sera licks her lips, "Really? That big?"

"Even bigger," she gently pressed her lips to Sera's, then parted. "Life in me is what you give. Love in me is what you breathe." The intensity in Sera's eyes flared, _hunger_, Trevelyan thought, _she's always hungry for more_.

"**Idiot**_._ Luvin' ya s'what I do, not breathe."

_And it means the world to me._


	11. Because She Frees Me

Warning: This chapter may unsettle you. It implies rape, personally one of my deepest fears and experiences. Writing about it sucked, I couldn't get too far before I gave up and changed directions. If this thought conjures unpleasant feelings, let me reassure you that it does not get as bad as reality unfortunately does.

* * *

_She's in the Chantry, kneeling. The older boy looked at her, his face smeared and his clothing was soaked in blood. He dropped the stained dagger and hugged her._

_"Come, you have nothing left to fear. It's all over. From now on, I will protect you."_

_"...Brother?"_

* * *

Trevelyan groaned and tossed her head to the side. Sweat clung everywhere on her skin, her shirt damp. Her chest and left arm felt heavy, her marked hand tingling. She opened her eyes and squinted in the darkness. A smile tugged on her lips, _no wonder,_ her eyes softened, figuring out the reason for her current dilemma. Sera's arms were wrapped around Trevelyan's waist possessively, leg thrown over her thighs. _Heavier than you look, though that's not something I'd say out loud,_ she mentally chuckled, studying Sera's peaceful face. _Never thought she could look like this,_ _almost doesn't suit her. _Sera suddenly snored loudly, and woke up startled.

"Whozzit? Wha-" her eyes unfocused, she looked at Trevelyan, _what's Silly smilin' for? _Trevelyan chuckled, and lifted her right hand, swiping across Sera's lips. She could feel something wet move off her chin.

"Drool," Trevelyan explained, her smirk turning into a loving grin, "suits you perfectly."

"Whad'ya wipe it for then?"

"Good question, I should've left it on you so you could parade around camp. That would've boosted morale significantly."

"Hey!" Sera shot up, eyes glaring. With the weight gone, and tingling feeling coming back, Trevelyan rolled on top of Sera. "I'd be unhappy, however," she smoothed Sera's uneven hair bangs back, and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. She started trailing kisses down, "If they laughed at you, you'd end up stuffing them with-"

"Arrows." Sera whispered, and Trevelyan smirked in her kiss. She moved to the ears, felt the heat radiating off of them as she whispered sweet nothings. Sera squirmed lightly beneath her, and the assault continued. Trevelyan gently bit down the tip of Sera's ear, earning a growl. She planted another kiss along the curve of her jaw, then sucked on her neck.

"Not that I'm complainin'. Don't stop. But why?" Trevelyan stilled, and let out a shaky breath against Sera's neck. The heat made her melt, and she rubbed her legs together in hope of easing the growing ache. She growled, "Said don't stop."

"I don't want to lose you."

"Won't lose me. Kiss me,"

"What if I fail?"

"Fail at lots of things. Nothin' new. Kiss me," Sera looked down, hoping she could forcefully capture Trevelyan's lips. _What the bloody shite's wrong with her? Gets broody every time I want to fuck. _She slides one hand behind Trevelyan's neck, until suddenly both of her wrists are pinned above her, a furious look in Trevelyan's eyes.

"Ow! Too rough Buckles, what-"

"**Shut up!**" Sera's lips pressed together, she was starting to get really scared. _What the frig'? I've seen her get angry before, but not like this._

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Trevelyan's eyes squeezed shut, "you have no hold over me. I am **free**." She grabbed her dagger she hid under her makeshift pillow, and pressed it in Sera's throat until blood was drawn. She winced, _shite that really fuckin' stings_.

"Luv, snap out of it. Open yer eyes luv, look at me," fear laced every word, for her own safety and Trevelyan's fragile sanity.

"Shut up-"

"Open yer friggin' eyes ya daft tit! Quit fuckin' with me!"

Pain shot through the back of her head, she howled in agony and all went black.

* * *

"You're always such a disappointment. Trevelyan blood courses your veins. Why can't you stop such a simple sword blow?"

Trevelyan tried to stand up, stabilizing herself and leaning on her wooden sword. Her lungs burned, ragged weak breaths struggling for air.

"This is their legacy? Hailed as geniuses for their indomitable faith and flawless swordsmanship since House Trevelyan's beginning. Pathetic! Your mother is embarrassed to have given birth to such a failure. That's why you're here instead of with your sisters. At least your brother shows promise. There is no need for those unsuited for the Templar Order to live."

The words stung deeply. _I'm no failure._ _I belong here, I'll prove it! _"I'm getting up now." Her legs shook, threatening to give way as she hauled and pushed herself up with her wooden sword. The man smirked, walked over and planted a kick to Trevelyan's gut. She yelled out and fell back down on her knees, bracing herself. The man bent down and grabbed her collar, then pushed her down. He unbuckled his pants and climbed on top of her, "if you are doomed for failure, at least be a proper girl for House Trevelyan."

Trevelyan choked, sobs wracking her, "Please, no," she begged, "why?"

The man replied smugly, "it is the Maker's will."

"This is... the Maker's will?"

"'Then the Voice of the Maker rang out, the first Word, and His Word became all that might be: Dream and idea, hope and fear, endless possibilities. And from it made his firstborn. And he said to them: In My image I forge you, to you I give dominion, over all that exists. By your will, may all things be done.' So you see, my dear, the Maker gave us choice, the choice to do whatever we wish. It is His will."

_No, that's wrong!_ She struggled but he pinned her arms above her, he leaned down and licked the side of her face. She shivered in disgust, tears flowing freely. Her entire body repulsed under his touch. _Maker, please, no. Save me, what have I done wrong?_ Words echoed in her mind, "_Failure. You deserve this if you cannot protect yourself."_ The grip on her hands suddenly felt slack, and the man grunted as his body fell beside her, blood pooling beneath him. A familiar voice rang in her ears, and she looked up.

"My dear younger sister is not meant to be soiled by your filthy hands." Her brother. He took her hand and pulled her, guided her outside. She stumbled, the pain in her body made it difficult to keep up.

"Where are we going?"

"To the Chantry."

She thought about praying for forgiveness, for repentance. She was frightened, _I sinned, the man was going to hand out my punishment for my sins, and now I forced Brother to sin, too._ They reached the Chantry, and her brother shoved the doors open angrily. He let go of her hand, and the Sisters looked terrified at the sight of the bloody teenagers. Trevelyan kneeled and closed her eyes. She was fully prepared to ask for her rightful punishment, and started to quietly recite the Canticle of Andraste:

"Let the blade pass through the flesh, let my blood touch the ground, let my cries touch their hearts. Let mine be the last sacrifice."

She heard a pained gasp, and her head snapped up. Her eyes grew wide, and her hands flew in front of her mouth. Her gut wrenched, _the Sisters_, tears blocked her vision. Red was all she could see, blood and salty tears was all she could smell. She'll never forget the day she's lost everything precious to her.

The older boy looked at her, his face smeared and his clothing was soaked in blood. He dropped the stained dagger and hugged her.

"Come, you have nothing left to fear. It's all over. From now on, I will protect you."

"...Brother?"

He slumped forward, dead weight pushing Cecilia down.

_"You are free."_

* * *

"Asshole Sera. Look what you triggered!"

Don't be mad at her, she's not a mind reader :P Not like intheinkpot anyways. Now I hafta think of new ideas so your review doesn't spoil the rest of some of the things I wished to include ;P Thank you for your insight though, perspective is what I lack even if I try, so I will certainly keep your review in mind!

To those struggling with memories like these, I hope I do not offend you with this. I will be honest and admit (though it took countless years) that I had a similar experience that ended differently, so I understand where you are coming from. Not completely, since everyone obviously feels different, but I hope you find comfort that you aren't alone. And remember the most important thing:

_**It wasn't your fault.**_


	12. Because She Kills Me

"Dunno what to tell you Chuckles. I asked my contacts and researched as much as I could since you last asked me, but nobody knows if red lyrium can affect your mind in your dreams. All they know is that if that shit starts singing, shit's gone bad. Very bad. Run away and never look back type bad. But if it changes how it looks based on the dream... the memory..." Varric sighed, and scratched his head. "You're saying it looked different in whatever dream of hers you saw now?"

Solas shifted uncomfortably, what he witnessed was definitely personal, and clearly something the Herald wanted to keep private if she's never mentioned or hinted it to any of her companions, even Sera. He had to be extra careful, there was a slight buzz in his system at the moment. He explained what he observed, "in Redcliffe, red lyrium was absolutely everywhere, the walls and floor. Here..." he didn't want to give too much away, "there was much less of it, but it glowed far more intensely, and the vibrations were incredibly strong. It was as if it meant to say it was the root of all problems."

"What problems?"

Solas shook his head, "I do not yet know. I..." he sighed, "do not know if I want to know."

"That bad, huh?" Varric hummed thoughtfully. "All we can do is be there, try to make her laugh and distract her. Life's hard enough without a bullshit past dragging you down. How's Buttercup?"

"She's shaken and surprisingly quiet. Despite all that's happened, she's still sitting beside the Herald and waiting for her to wake up. I can't tell if she wants to kill her or... _kill_ her."

"Sparkler's healed the wound on her throat though right? Surprised she let magic near her."

"She didn't seem to be mentally there, she shut down shortly after the Seeker had knocked out the Herald to save her. Didn't even scream bear puncher."

Varric sighed, "shit... This shit's too messed up."

Guilt rose within Solas, and he nodded. "Everyone's on edge." He waved for Flissa to come refill their drinks.

* * *

Trevelyan was floating, and frankly put, this scared the shit out of her. _I'm no mage,_ she grumbled and looked around, yet all she found was nothing but pitch-black darkness that cloaked her. _What happened? Where am I now?_ She heard whispers and mumbling, but she couldn't determine what was said or who it belonged to. She tried calling out in the darkness, "Sera?"

Suddenly, the smell of salt enveloped her senses, and she felt drops on her face. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt, and though technically she shouldn't see anything in this pitch-black darkness, she could somehow see her shirt wasn't damp. Now she was utterly confused. _I shouldn't see, and I'm feeling things that aren't actually happening to me, but my face still feels wet? This doesn't make any sense!_ She tried again, "Sera!" Suddenly images flooded her mind, and the feelings of her outside of her body, watching herself, came tumbling back.

_"Who are you? Where am I?" _Sera walked off, punching the post.

"I'd never forget her! What the fuck, this can't be real!"

"_Let's go then, shall we milady?"_ Sera looked confused, but followed anyways.

"This isn't me, that isn't Sera. She would've personally shoved an arrow up my ass for addressing her as 'milady'."

"_Not hiding anything, milady." "Sack of nug shite."_

"Glad she knew. Fucking imposter."

"_What happened? Why did you leave me? What did I do?" You made me remember._

"I didn't leave, I'm right here!"

_"Fail at lots of things, nothin' new."_

She saw herself holding a blade at Sera's throat, and Trevelyan panicked.

"_...you'll crush me under you."_

"No, this isn't real, this isn't happening. I'd **never** hurt Sera."

"_You left me to die._"

Trevelyan clutched her head and screamed, "shut up, shut up, shut up!"

She saw the man looming over her. _I vowed to myself I'd never cry. Never again._ _I am not that weak little girl anymore._

_"It is the Maker's Will."_

"You have no hold over me. I am **free**."

"_What do you see, when you look at me?"_

The red clouded her mind. The blade sank in more, sinking into Sera's flesh and blood eased out. It reminded her of her brother's stained dagger.

"_Failure. You deserve this if you cannot protect yourself."_

"Shut up!"

_"Open yer friggin' eyes ya daft tit! Quit fuckin' with me!"_

"I'm fucking **trying**!"

* * *

_"What am I to you?"_

My world.

_"Really? That big?"_

Trevelyan chuckled, "Even bigger."

Everything. Life, love. The rich sound of Sera's laughter rang in the air, and Trevelyan whipped her head back. She saw Sera there, with her hands on her hips, her mischievous grin revealing the results of her latest prank.

"Oi! How long ya gon' stand there with yer mouth hangin' open? Ya look like I caught ya with yer pants down. Not that I'd mind. But yer pants aren't down! Anyways guess what. I stole Lady Nightingale's breeches!" she snickers. "I hid 'em in yer tent for now, hope ya don't mind!"

"Sera! She'll find them, I'm going to be executed for that!"

"Nah. Don't worry luv, I hid 'em good. Had to toss out some junk in yer trunk though, but I stuffed 'em in there!"

_Shit, that's such an obvious hiding place_. "Sera, did you at least hide the... junk you took out?"

"Nah, why? It's still lyin' beside the trunk."

**I'm so dead.**

* * *

An arrow whizzed past her ear, and she angrily looked back at Sera. "What was that for?!"

"What? Saved yer pretty arse. Weird bear in the bushes, and Cassie ain't here to punch it. Who knows, bear coulda molested ya. I'd hate that."

_Well no shit. I'd hate that too._

"Besides, ya mine. It didn't ask for my permission."

Trevelyan deflated instantly, "I'm your property now?"

Sera ignored her, and trotted up into the bushes. She pulled the arrow out and put it in her quiver after wiping the blood on her tunic. She looked at Trevelyan and answered as if it was the most natural, obvious thing in the world, "didn't ya know that already? Arrow up the arse for those who didn't."

**That... has been a lot of arrows.**

* * *

_What is with all these memories, I don't care for them! It's all meaningless if I'm not by her side anymore!_

_"She just lost something very close and precious to her heart."_

The frustration finally made Trevelyan snap.

"Then quit lecturing me!"

_"Open yer friggin' eyes ya daft tit!"_

Trevelyan opened her eyes, and shot up.

"Shut the **fuck** up Sera!"

_Wait a minute..._ She looked beside her and saw a very steamed elf sitting by her side, along with her bewildered advisers standing behind her.

"Oi." _Dried tear stains on her cheeks? Puffy red eyes and swollen lips... Need to kiss her. Wait, right. She's pissed, have to defuse this bomb fast._

Trevelyan paled, a nervous smile crossed her lips. "You look very lovely today, Sera. May I ask-"

"Wanna repeat what you just said?"

"You look lovely."

"Before that, friggin' tit. I need to hear it again."_  
_

"Uh, sorry Sera, I can't seem to remember..." Sera smiled dangerously at this. Tension and silence hung in the air. _I'm so dead. Scratch that. I'm so **fucking** dead. She's going to stuff me with arrows, one down my mouth, one up my ass, one in my-  
_

"That so? I'll refresh yer memory," Sera cleared her throat, and stood up. She loomed over Trevelyan and her face darkened, "shut the fuck up, Sera." _She'll kill me, and then ask Dorian to bring me back to life, and then kill me again._

Trevelyan coughed nervously, "oh, hah, that..." she scratched the back of her head. **I'm so dead.**

"Yeah. Hah. Funny, that." Sera bent down and grabbed Cecilia's collar. She lifted her up with all her strength, her face inches away. "What the bloody shite was that for?!"

Trevelyan's wasn't able to meet Sera's eyes, and she looked down. _Shit._ She saw a very faint yet fresh pink scar on Sera's neck. _It did happen..._ "I..." the hold on her collar tightened, and it was cutting off her air supply. She raised her arm and tapped on Sera's hands.

"...Can't... breathe." Sera let go, and Trevelyan fell back on the ground. She heard something whiz past her ear, _Maker, she's really going to kill me._ She looked up, the furious archer chambered another arrow, and the advisers behind her dared not intervene.

"Talk fast, or arrows." Another arrow.

"Sera-"

Chink.

**This... Is going to be a lot of arrows.**

* * *

Possible Reader WTF Comments and Likely Author WTF Explanations:

Solas drinking alcohol?! No way! What the hell? Animal cruelty!

"I wanted to capture the whole 'everyone's on edge' and didn't know what else Solas would do D:"

Your memory section is hard to read and understand...

"Yes, I tried splitting each one up with the horizontal line breaks, but when I previewed it, I went cross-eyed and deleted the chapter as soon as I could. That's how bad it was, I didn't want to make you suffer the same tragic fate if I didn't edit/update it fast enough."

Is Trevelyan dead, dying, la-la land, wtf?

"Judging by the constellations in the sky, the way the moon is waxus waning or whatever phase, and Sera's mood, I'm gonna hafta say she's probably dying right now. Or suffering massive blood loss. Maybe already dead? I'm a big fan of forgiveness and the idea of intense make-up sex though ;P."

Yaaaay sexy time!

"I know right?! 'Bout time!"


	13. Because She's There for Me

"Ya were watchin'?"

Trevelyan ran her hand through her hair and sighed, she knew this wasn't going to be taken well.

"But ya didn't do anythin' 'bout it."

"It wasn't as simple as that." The headache came creeping back, and she felt tiny under the archer's gaze. _At least she put her damn bow down._ She looked around, arrows littered her tent and surrounded her. The advisers bowed themselves out when Sera calmed down a little.

"Yea it was. Ya saw what ya were doin'."

She fisted her hair bangs, the accusatory tone in Sera was frustrating her. "It was random! Random memories, I didn't _always_ see myself dammit!"

"But still did nothin'."

She stood up, her muscles groaned and creaked but she didn't care. "Sera, what do you want me to do right now? I said I'm sorry," _fuck sake,_ her hands were slightly shaking, she was trying to bury the anger within her. Sera had been through enough but control was slipping fast away. "I can't do this anymore. Just tell me what you want."

"Look up 'n' at me, luv."

"I **am**." She was ready to comply with whatever wish Sera had, she just didn't care anymore. She was tired of this emotional rollercoaster. Her eyes briefly flicked over the faint scar, and guilt swallowed her. An image of the broken body flashed within her mind again, "_You left me to die."_

"At me, not past me, not ahead of me. At me."

_What?_ "Sera I don't understand." She tried to blink out the fresh tears forming. Trying to numb the pain and arguing with an archer who almost refuses to make sense was draining her.

"First ya flip out 'cause 'future'. Then ya flip out 'caaaause 'past'. Now ya gon' flip out 'cause present."

Her words were sinking in, and she sighed. _Of course,_ _even if I try to hide my feelings_, _Sera knows me_. _"I know yer moves." _A proud smirk tugged at the corners of her lips. She was never close to anyone ever since her brother died, and though it took an eternity to warm up to the annoying, immature, vulgar Red Jenny... _I need her. I can't imagine a single day without her._ Her eyes softened, and Sera grinned.

"There. Better innit?" She unfolded her arms and walked over to Trevelyan. She reached out gently to touch Trevelyan's scar on her neck. "Now we match."

Sigh, _Fuck_, "Sera I'm so fucking sorr-" suddenly hungry lips are on hers, and Sera pulled on her roughly. She nipped Trevelyan's upper lip and forced her tongue in, eliciting a low growl. She pulled away and both had used the time gasping, swallowing for air to ease their starved lungs.

"Shut it. I like it. Like ya. Need ya. Tried real hard to hate ya but couldn't. Then I thought 'bout how we both share somethin'. Ya always been weird, different. Liked it, but felt like ya were a world apart. Now we match, I'm closer to ya. Ya big 'n' special, and I'm just..." she looked down, her voice had gotten small and worried, "me." Trevelyan smiled. _That's what she's worried about?_

"I am nothing like you." Sera's head whipped up, fear and hurt flashed in her eyes, and her hands tensed. "My head's always somewhere else, my eyes are always looking everywhere but you. You bring me back to reality. You bring me back to what's truly important. You. My world. You're far more amazing compared to me. I think that's pretty damn big and special too, don't you think?"

Sera grinned, "honey tongue you. You plan on drivin' me crazy?"

"Aren't you, already?"

"Shut it!"

Trevelyan matched her grin, then lowered and placed her lips on the faint scar on Sera's neck. Thankfully it can't really be seen right away unless you know it's there, _got to thank whoever healed it. Amazing job._ She tenderly kisses up to Sera's jawline then her ears, feeling the vibrations of her moans and watching her tremble under her touch. Suddenly, they heard someone cough and clear their throat, and Trevelyan jumped back, fire spreading on her face. Sera groaned and mumbled "not again. Red's always gotta ruin the best moments..."

"I heard that, Sera. Though it's nice to see you two finally made up, we still have many matters to discuss, and the breach to deal with. Think of it incentive to finish all of this quickly in order to get back to..." she grinned at the uncomfortable Trevelyan and deflated Sera, "your passionate sessions."

_Maker help me,_ "I-uh, well... ah, I-" she took a deep breath, _how embarrassing, _"yes. The breach. On with it then. Sera can you help me fasten my armor on? It'll be faster if we both work together."

She grumbled, and nodded unenthusiastically, "would rather get ya out. Not on," she looked at the Spymaster, "and Red. After this s'all bloody done, don't wanna see your face anymore. Your face means no tossin' in the sheets." Trevelyan stuttered again, and Leliana simply laughed as she exited the tent.

* * *

_Here, finally here again..._ The tingling in her hand intensified and it softly glowed. She looked down at her hand, then at Cassandra and Solas. Both of them had reassuring smiles, _I can do this, I'm not alone_. She felt a tug on her arm and she looked back. Razor eyes unsteady flickering between confidence and concern, as if trying to bury emotion and reassure at the same time. _That never works._ She smiled and leaned in, uncaring of the onlookers. She slid her hand behind Sera's neck gently pulling on her, and tenderly kissed her. Cassandra coughed, reminding the two of their audience. Trevelyan looked over and grinned despite the heat threatening to spread from her neck. She looked back at Sera and tried to step back, but the iron grip from the tiny trembling hands prevented her. She reached down and smoothed her free hand over Sera's.

"I'll be okay, Sera. You've naught to worry."

"Promise?" Her tiny voice cut daggers into Trevelyan. _Need to finish this fast, need the loud Sera back._

"Promise, and I swear on my life."

"No choice, luv." Sera's grip relaxed, "I've got your back. Watchin' yer pretty arse too. Any demons come out I'll blast 'em away with arrows." Trevelyan nodded one last time, burying her fear and breathing to get her heart rate back under control. Before Sera let go, Trevelyan pulled her in for another quick kiss, and caressed her cheek. "I'll come back soon." Sera grinned, "sure will, luv. I'll make ya." Her voiced lilted teasingly, then she turned around and jogged off happily. Her nimble flexibility allowed her to climb the ledge with ease and she took her place. Bow ready, arrow chambered, an unyielding and focused gaze ready for anything. Trevelyan nodded to Cassandra and Solas again, and they went back to the mages.

"Mages!"

"Focus past the Herald. Let her will draw from you!"

She stepped forward, slowly making her way to the rift. Fear choked her throat, heart ready to burst, hands clammy beneath the gloves. She raised her hand, the glow and tingling intensified, and words echoed in the back of her mind. Thoughts raced and her legs felt heavy, the world thick with fog.

_"How must it feel to not be able to choose one's life?"_

_Terrible. Frightening. I hate it, hate how everyone depends on me. I just wanted to live peacefully._

_"Alone?"_

_Yes._ An image of Sera flashed in her mind, _no. Without this... I'd have never met her. She made me feel normal again, like I wasn't the monster that I am._

Something flashed again, it was incoherent, jumbled images in her mind. Her nerves were on fire. _What?_ Sitting with Sera in the tavern, she was staring intently at Trevelyan. _Alcohol, smells like scotch._ "People hate dying?" Sera laughs. "Ya worry 'bout weird things. 'Course they hate dying, but people die. They hate killing? If someone lives, it means another dies." _When was this? I don't remember drinking with her._

"But that doesn't mean I should stop working and drink, like this," I hear myself say, "I have to plan. I have to save them. I can stop this war between the mages and templars and-"

"Then tell them to sit down and stop fighting."

"It's not that simple."

"'Course it is. Don't know why ya got yer underpants in a bunch anyways. Ya can't save 'em all." Trevelyan's temper flared, her patience wearing thin. She slammed her mug down, the force of her getting up knocked the chair back, and she briskly walked out. She didn't care who watched or heard the display.

"Oi!" She didn't stop, and she heard Sera whistle, "Your Worship is maaaaaaad!" _So fucking immature! She knows nothing of pain or responsibility, I was stupid to confide in her!_

_"What about when family dies? Or when a loved one dies?" _Her brother came to mind, then Sera. Her hand now felt like it was on fire and a howl of pain tore from her lungs. The breach flickered, reacting to Trevelyan's emotions. Sera was starting to panick, the mages were becoming exhausted and she had nothing to shoot but something was still hurting Trevelyan. _You can do it, Loony. Ya hafta. Ya promised!_

_"You left me to die."_

_Shut up!_ _I will not listen to you anymore!_

_"It's the Maker's Will."_

_I don't give a fuck about His will! _Her legs buckled under the pressure, fire licked every nerve in her body. _I have my own will, and I swore I'd come back._ Fear and dread gripped her, but she pushed on and concentrated on closing the breach. Energy flowed through her, and she could see the Fade within her mind. At the beginning, she didn't know what to imagine to close the holes. More jumbled images in her mind.

"Sew and close the tear! Knitting is brilliant, it's like stabby-sewing!"

"But I've never knitted before. Well I've stabbed, but never knitted."

"It's fun, 'til ya stab yerself lots. I gots ton'o shirts with holes and tears, I'll teach ya!"

She smiled, Sera couldn't knit to save her life, and she pricked her fingers countless times until she threw her shirt down and stomped off, yelling something about playing pranks to cheer herself up. She heard Sera scream in the distance, "Piss! It's bloody fuckin' cold here!" And an idea hit her, she scrambled for material and started working on a cloak for Sera. It took a couple of weeks, and unfortunately the Hinterlands bear population dwindled drastically, but after she finished it Sera was happy. The rifts closed easily, and the tingling ceased to bother her. After all, it wasn't as bad as constantly stabbing yourself with a needle. It was all worth it.

_She's worth it._ Her mind was distracted from the pain, the breach was slowly closing, it almost seemed desperate somehow, and the doubts raced faster.

_"What if you lose her?"_

_I won't._

_"What if you fail her?"_

Trevelyan smiled, _fail at lots of things. Nothing new._

_"What if she leaves you?"_

_She won't. I'm hers, and she's mine._

_"She has no reason to stay."_

_She will, when I ask her to marry me again._

A blinding light, and white hot pain coursed through her. A powerful force knocked her off her feet. Her ears were ringing, and her muscles groaned as she tried to move. She opened her eyes, and saw Sera's face upside down, tears in her eyes and mouth moving. _I did it,_ she grinned, and lifted her hand to wipe the tears off Sera's face. She pulled her head down, and kissed her. _Hm, awkward to kiss upside down._ A giggle slipped through Sera's kiss, and she parted.

"I love you, Sera." She saw the bewildered look in the archer's eyes, and she still couldn't hear. She didn't need to, the lop-sided grin and joy in Sera's eyes answered her. Her mind drifted, her eyes shuttering closed, sleep taking her. Her body shivered, and she thought she could feel something warm hit her ear.

_"Better dream of me, luv."_

_Always._


	14. Because She 'Itches' Me

Trevelyan sneaked out and went to the edge of town. She whistled and bent down, taking out scraps of food from her pocket. A dog rushed out of the bushes and tackled her, licking her face before taking the offered food from her hand. She sat back up and rocked on her heels, lovingly petting the dog.

"Though the lands suffer a thousand wrongs, the Maker yet notices the smallest of deeds."

"Wah!" She lost her balance, and fell on her butt. Her eyes wide she frantically searched in the darkness, and tentatively asked, "who's there?" The dog, wary of strangers, hid behind her.

"And Eileen spoke unto the masses, 'My hearth is yours, my bread is yours, my life is yours. For all who walk in the sight of the Maker are one.'" The feminine voice was gentle, and Trevelyan felt comforted. Her transition into a life of service and training for the Templar Order was rough, the other children despised her and her brother since they were of noble blood. _Not like I get special treatment. Not like I want it._ She desperately and secretly sought out a friend, a companion. Her brother was distant as was expected of a Templar-to-be, he was wholeheartedly dedicated to his training.

"Though stung with a hundred arrows, though suffering from ailments both great and small, his heart was strong, and he moved on." The voice continued, reciting different canticles both known and unknown to Trevelyan. She snapped out of her reverie and tried again, "who's there? Who are you? Show yourself!" Getting caught for sneaking out at night was bad enough, she wished to at least know who was going to get her in trouble. Plus she was curious who the soothing voice belonged to, though she'd never admit that.

The woman ignored her, and Trevelyan still couldn't find the source of the voice. "The one who repents, who has faith, unshaken by the darkness of the world, she shall know true peace." _Transfigurations 10:1?_ She heard footsteps, but they started to become more distant. _She's walking away?_ "Wait!" She called out, "at least tell me who you are!" Silence. Every night when she came to feed the dog, the mysterious woman would come back, sometimes reciting different canticles, sometimes staying quiet, yet Trevelyan could always sense her presence.

Eventually, her suspicions and curiosity died down, and she found comfort in this odd company. She'd talk about things that troubled her, whether it be the kids or harsh training, and sometimes questioned her faith out loud. Any time the matter of faith was brought up, the woman would comfort her.

"Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light, and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost." _Trials 1:14!_ Trevelyan smirked, proud of herself that her hard work in trying to remember the _boring canticles_ was beginning to come naturally to her. The day she recited a canticle herself, the woman disappeared, though Trevelyan never knew why.

"Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What you have created, no one can tear asunder." Trials 1:10.

* * *

Trevelyan was floating, _again with the floating, ugh._ She felt something warm against her chest though, and something was squeezing her hamstrings. She inhaled, _sweat and... pine? _It felt like her eyes were glued shut but she could hear voices in the background.

"Piss off!"

"Sera, you need to take a break before you drop the Herald! Let me carry her!"

"Hell no! She'll wake up screamin' if she's touched by you. You'll friggin' punch her again!"

She mentally chuckled, _Sera. Of course. _She heard someone groan, _Cassandra._

"At least let Solas heal your sore muscles. Your muscles are fatigued, the Herald is heavy."

"I'm fine! But yer bloody right she's heavy. She's fat." _Hey! _"Feel like my back is gonna break. And these plates are bloody friggin' shitin' pissin' cold!" _Leave it to Sera to emphasize something with curses._

"Like I said, let me-"

"**No**. She's **mine.**" Trevelyan smiled and her mind drifted, comforted by the constant bickering. She slipped back into the darkness, dreaming of a certain trickster.

* * *

Trevelyan stirred, faint laughter and cheering could be heard. She slowly propped herself up on her elbows, groaning and grunting when her muscles protested against the movement.

"Look who's up," She looked to the source of sound, _Sera? She looks tired and drained. Oh, right, I'm fat._ She smirked, "whad'ya smilin' for Silly? Good dream 'bout me?"

"No, it was a tiring dream," Sera scoffed at this and Trevelyan fought to keep the tease out of her tone. "For some reason you kept calling me fat and I was really sad." Sera visibly paled at this, she shifted her eyes and looked down as if there was something suddenly interesting on the floor. Trevelyan slowly stood up and walked over to Sera, continuing her tragic lie, "I wanted to make you happy in the dream, so I doubled my training hours." Sera looked up with a puzzled look in her eyes.

_What should I say next? Can't think of anything..._ _Ah, I know._ She held Sera's hips, "I'd run around the camp stark naked," a mischievous grin, "you chased me," an impish glee and her eyes turned green. "'Course I did. Naked touched Heralds with tits and perfect arse bouncing? _Yes please._ What happened next? Sex right? I pounced on ya and we frigged in front'a the blushin' Sisters?" Trevelyan smirked, she's captured Sera's genuine interest now. With her best impression of Sera's accent she continued.

"You said 'run faster fatty!' And that was it."

"**What.** What kind of boring dream's that?! Why didn't we frig?! That's shite. Piss! Dream me sucks dangle-bags! Wha-"

Trevelyan captured Sera's lips and parted, "I know right? Sad dream. Cheer me up, love?" Sera's ears tinged with red at having been called 'love', but mischief and lust clouded her eyes. She shoved Trevelyan back, then shoved her again until she fell back on the bed. She climbed on top and leaned down. "Did ya really hafta ask?" Light shown through as the tent flaps opened.

"Herald may I-" a dagger was thrown, Leliana just barely dodged it. _Maker! No shouts, hope it didn't hit anybody else._

"What did I say Red? We tossin' in the sheets now. No more'f yer bloody face."

"Ah, right, excuse me. Find me when..." she smirked, "your business has been concluded." She left as swiftly as she came, and Sera had battled to sooth her inner rage. Trevelyan chuckled, then laughed, happiness filling every inch of her. No matter what, nothing gone wrong could ruin anything tonight. Trevelyan suddenly rolled on top of Sera, untying the kerchief around Sera's neck, and planting soft kisses. She swallowed her worries and anxieties and let instincts guide her, sliding her hand under the writhing elf's shirt. She explored with her hands, teased with her tongue, and whispered vulgar promises of more into Sera's ear.

* * *

_I will follow you anywhere._ She licked and bit gently on the scar on Sera's neck, a chuckle of delight rose in her throat. She went up, hovering over Sera's face, and captured her lips again. Sera swiped and touched the underside of her tongue, the sensations were beginning to overwhelm Trevelyan. _Take my heart, my mind and hand._ Trevelyan squeezed Sera's breast and a whimper escaped the archer's throat. She thrust her chest up, desperate for more contact. Trevelyan smirked into her lips and slid her hand out, gliding it along the inside of Sera's thigh.

"_Fuck_," Sera growled, "Quit teasin'. _Fuck_ me," she says vengefully. She grabbed Trevelyan's hand and pushed it against her core, and Trevelyan reddened at the feeling of the damp cloth against her hand. _Is she... Not wearing anything underneath?_ Sera's kiss grew more insistent, deeper, longer. She was lost in an undertow of growing passion and desire, pushing Trevelyan's hand against her more roughly. "_Please,_" she breathed, "do somethin' about this."

_I will follow you until the end._ Hearing Sera plead added fuel to the fire burning within her. She tugged against Sera's shirt, "help me undress you then," and Sera sat up, lightly pushing Trevelyan back for space. She quickly and ungracefully pulled off her shirt, then lifted her hips and did the same to her pants. She was completely naked in no time, and Trevelyan was stunned at the speed along with the sight. Sera pulled her back impatiently and guided her hand back to her core. _This is no time to marvel, or think._ Trevelyan began to stroke, manipulate, and caress Sera's center of desire. She blurted her concern out loud.

"I... Have never done this before." The sight unraveling before Trevelyan was clouding her mind, throwing out all doubts and worries. _Take my soul, and lead me in. _"Coulda fooled me, don't stop," It's nothing new to Sera, but to become undone this quickly had never happened before. _She's only just started touching me!_ She gasped, and bucked her hips when powerful electricity licked every nerve in her body. She fastened her mouth on Trevelyan once again, sucking and gnawing on her tongue. This intimacy terrified her, she's never known or felt something like this before.

The pleasure was beginning to become unbearable, Trevelyan may not have had the slightest clue or skill, but she paid attention to detail. There was not a single place she hadn't explored with her tongue, and when she had dipped down to taste Sera's core it drove both of them insane. Her tentative tongue elicited ferocious growls demanding for more, and her breath was the reason Sera teetered on the edge of bliss.

The archer grabbed Trevelyan's head and pushed roughly, all conscious thought had escaped her now. The desire to reach the end fuelled her, and when Trevelyan started to playfully flick her tongue she became frustrated. "Quit _fuckin'_ teasin' me Loony!" Trevelyan slid her shoulders under Sera's knees and pushed them back, dipping her fingers inside her core and gently biting down. A scream rips the air, and the warrior grunts as she feels her hair pulled and fingernails raking against her scalp, the pain-pleasure fueling the intense ache between her own thighs.

_Lead me into darkness._ Sera rocks forward, soft pleas and Cecilia's name pouring from her lips. Her mouth pulls back in a grimace as she whispers "luv, ya makin' me lose it." Her whole body is quivering, _so close, fuck I'm so close! _Trevelyan sweeps her tongue across the slit, and then thrusts deeply along with her fingers. Sera's mouth and eyes snap open wide as she screams "**Fuck**!" moaning as the orgasm rips through her, making her body writhe and buck wildly on the hard bed. She felt nothing but white blinding pleasure enveloping her senses for those precious few seconds. The scent and flavor intensified, and Trevelyan gently licked and drank the juices as she pulled out her tongue. _She's sucking me in..._ afraid to hurt Sera, she eased her fingers out as the throbbing slowed.

Tenderly kissing each inner thigh Trevelyan clambers up the bed with Sera and nuzzles close, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. _Fuck, _Sera thought, _she tastes like me._ "Honey-tongue... Honey-suckle..." she whispered, grinning tiredly. Sweat clung to her skin, _need to touch her,_ _got'to touch her. Got'to tell her... _She had no energy. Her lips sloppily moved in the kiss, and her eyes started to feel heavy. She started mumbling incoherently, things like "bees buzzin' in me..." and "itchy heart", Trevelyan chuckled. She smoothed Sera's golden silk hair back, pulled up the blanket over her, and planted a gentle kiss on her nose.

The buzzing in her own system hasn't stopped yet, the adrenaline and excitement making her feel drunk. She walked outside, hoping the crisp cool air will bring her some semblance of control. The thoughts she had earlier creeped into her mind, and made her smile_. I will follow you anywhere, take my heart, my mind and hand. I will follow you until the end, take my soul, and lead me in. Lead me into darkness._

* * *

She walked to the edge of camp and watched those still up late partying. A large burden was lifted off her shoulders, and she felt complete peace. _It's finally over._ She saw Cassandra who had a serious look on her face, _or maybe not. Work will never be done with the Seeker around,_ she chuckled. Cassandra came up and stood by her side, a comfortable silence shared between the two warriors. _Oh right, almost forgot, the Spymaster!_ Before she could ask, Cassandra starts reporting in her usual business-like tone.

"Solas confirms the heavens are scarred but calm. The breach is sealed. We've reports of many lingering rifts," _Of course, why did I think it was actually over?_ "and many questions remain, but this was a victory." _Was that... Approval at the end there?! No way. Holy shit I think she just smiled!_ Trevelyan looked up at the sky, _no demons being shat out... And why do I feel like this has been done before? _She looked back at Cassandra who had a puzzled look in her eyes but continued.

"Word of your heroism has spread."

"Hah! You know how many were involved, luck just put me at the center."

"A strange kind of luck, I'm not sure if we need more or less." Cassandra smirked, and looked off at the dancing patrons. "But, you're right. This was a victory of alliance. One of the few in recent memory." Trevelyan hummed in approval, and Cassandra continued.

"With the breach closed, that alliance will need new focus." _Oh shit. Do I have to decide this? She's looking at me. __**Fuck**__, she wants me to decide this._ Suddenly, lights flickering in her peripheral vision caught Trevelyan's attention, and she looked off at the mountains. _What the?_ The warning bell rung, vibrations booming and echoing across the camp. She saw soldiers stumble and rush to Haven's gates with Cullen leading them.

"Forces approaching! To arms!" _What?!_ The patrons scrambled and fled to safety, and Cassandra drew her sword, she was equally puzzled and unnerved. _Why...?_ "What the...? We must get to the gates!" Cecilia looked back at her tent, unsure of what to do first.

"Herald!" Cassandra yelled out, Trevelyan said a silent apology and prayed Sera would stay safe. She charged ahead and followed the Seeker.

* * *

This kind of sucks, I've discovered my love for writing and now I have a new obstacle in my path. I'm starting a new placement tomorrow and it's quite a drive from where I live. 9-5, plus driving, plus karate, is really going to slow me down in terms of how much I'd like to write and continue this story. The great thing is that I have lots of time to [surprisingly] use my brain and [actually] think about what I want to write! Let's just hope I won't space out and end up hurting my patients as I dream in la-la land of how a steamy make out session between the Inquisitor and Sera would look like :P

By no means does this mean I'm giving up on writing the story, I think I can still juggle both. Or rather, I will juggle both regardless (I'm stubborn like that), however two issues arise: a) It'll most likely look like 1 chapter every 1-2 days (as opposed to the 2 or 3), and b) the quality may plummet. I hope the quality and writing style hasn't been too bad, but if you see me starting to type more ZzZ's and less Ohhh yeaaaah baby!'s feel free to shoot an arrow at my face and tell me to quit being an uncreative lazy idiot!

We all know how much Sera would hate to turn into that boring love interest people pursue for the sake of getting a trophy to appear on their account after all :P


	15. Because She Leaves Me

I really suck at naming things, you've most likely already noticed that though. I was really stumped for a title on this chapter though... Anyone have any suggestions?

* * *

Cecilia quickly grabbed a spare axe near the requisition table. _Shit_, she thought, _no armor, weapons I'm not comfortable with, and diving into battle. What is going on?_ She frantically searched about her as she ran with Cassandra to the gates, people fleeing and running everywhere. Her heart was at her throat each time she saw something blonde, but it was never the person she needed to see. Her legs quivered, threatening to buckle from the physical strain. Her muscles were still fatigued and burning from sealing the breach.

_Is that... Vivienne? Shit. Where __**are**__ the others anyways?_ There was ringing in her ears, she started feeling sick as the world became blurry around her. Vibrations from the army marching towards Haven thundered below her feet. Everything was hazy, and her body and mouth moved of it's own accord while her mind was still reeling back and in shock of what was happening.

"You've already conquered the sky, what threat could the ground hold?" she heard Vivienne say, and the words echoed in her mind. Anger bubbled within her, and suddenly she felt out of place in her body. She panicked, thinking it was going to be the same case as last time. The strange young man that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere looked concerned for her and she tried to focus. Slowly she was becoming more aware of the situation and she looked at Cullen.

"Cullen, give me a plan, anything!"

"Haven is no fortress..." her fear drowned his voice out again, or was it the war horns, the clashing of metal, or cries of agony echoing in the air? It was difficult to determine anything anymore. She followed Cullen's gaze and looked forward. _Trebuchets. Got it._ She raced forward, ignoring the shouts of the comrades behind her. _Protect everyone,_ her legs suddenly grew slack, her chest heavy, _protect Sera. _She pushed past the pain and rose the axe she had picked up earlier, throwing it at a red templar that was about to take down an inquisition soldier. The axe penetrated the helmet and sunk in with a sickening crunch, but the red templar didn't stop moving. The soldier's eyes widened with fear and disbelief and the red templar raised his arm, a red glow emanating from his hand.

_No, no, no! Dodge it dammit!_ Red flashed in Trevelyan's mind, the broken bodies, the red veins, the dead red eyes. _Got to make it in time, fuck legs, don't give up!_ Trevelyan tackled the red templar but she was too late; the orb from it's hand shot forth pierced the soldier's head, her blood and brain matter spurted out on to Trevelyan's face. With a frustrated cry Trevelyan ripped out the axe from the helmet then swung down on the horror's face repeatedly. Her shoulder and bicep protested each time she ripped the axe out from it's head, but the red templar wouldn't stop moving. It swung out it's right arm in retaliation and Trevelyan swiftly sliced it off. "Die... just die! What the fuck are you?!"

Another red templar crept up from the side and prepared to strike. Trevelyan tried to pull the axe out but it was stuck, more blood spurting out each time she yanked on it. Her hands slipped, she couldn't grip the haft anymore. She tried to hop off and dodge, but her body wouldn't move, it was frozen. _This is it,_ she closed her eyes, _I'm so sorry Sera... _Her body tensed, waiting for the blow to connect. She heard a grunt and opened her eyes, Cassandra had blocked the strike with her shield and the red templar recoiled back. It charged at her and Cassandra had parried, her sword connected and sliced the jugular. The force knocked her off her feet and she tumbled into Cecilia to break her fall. Both warriors were gulping for air, trying to make sense of what's happening.

"What... are these monsters?"

"Assholes who want to kill us." Trevelyan sarcastically replied, attempting to control her wheezing and breathe normally again.

"There must be an easier way to put them down."

"We need to reach the trebuchet. Easiest way to put these bastards down is bury them all 6 feet under." She looked around, taking in the gruesome sight before her. Countless men and women littered the battlefield, she knew some of them. Not all of them were intact anymore, many were missing limbs, and they were either already dead or dying. Agony and despair filled the air, frustration and fear welled up in Trevelyan's chest.

* * *

_"How must it feel to not be able to choose one's life?"_

She looked behind her, all of her companions but the one she needed to see most were fighting. Varric would provide cover fire, Blackwall defended and deflected with his shield, Iron Bull charging and slamming into the templars. Primal elements danced across the battlefield, the templars were either scorched, electrocuted or frozen by the mages who surprisingly worked together back-to-back. She felt herself being pulled up and dragged by Cassandra, who was shouting... _something._ She felt scared, yet numb at the same time. She looked around desperately, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. One soldier died to protect another, one red templar taken down along with them.

_"Ya worry 'bout weird things. 'Course they hate dying, but people die. They hate killing? If someone lives, it means another dies." _

She picked up a claymore from a fellow fallen soldier, her body protested and screamed in agony under the heavy strain. She charged ahead with her comrades and slowly inched closer to the trebuchet. It felt like an eternity, and Cecilia's fatigued body was slowing down immensely. There wasn't much time left before it automatically shut down to protect itself, regardless of what Trevelyan had wanted, _needed_, to do. The team finally reached the trebuchet area and cleared it, protecting Iron Bull from stray enemies as he turned the large stiff cogwheel.

The trebuchet launched and struck the mountain, causing an avalanche and burying the reinforcements. Victory and hope began to surface until a dragon swooped down releasing a ball of flame at the trebuchet, everyone had dove out of the way as fast as they could. The shock wave knocked them off their feet, and they hastily scrambled back up. Trevelyan could hear Varric in the distance, "who ordered the end of the damn world?!"

"Everyone, to the gates!" She commanded, she pushed herself up and rushed over to Cassandra, hooking her arm around her waist and hoisting her up. She looked around again and saw most of her companions were still rather okay with minor injuries, and they began to retreat. The nagging anxiety escalated into a feeling of entrenched despair and dread in Trevelyan, she frantically searched and analyzed the battlefield the entire time. One memory sat at the forefront of her mind, repeating itself over and over again like a broken record.

_"If someone lives, it means another dies." _

She's seen everyone but Sera.


	16. Because She Saves Me

Thanks for easing my worries Mudkippz, appreciate it! *thumbs up!* :D Also quick question to those that also write/submit stories on here. If I delete the stuff in doc manager (where it shows edit/view/life and remove), would it also end up removing the chapters I've already posted up? The list is starting to get reeeeeally long and it takes forever to scroll on my phone XD.

P.S. Merged chapters 16 and 17. Thought about it, and then I remembered something really important... I suck at naming things, short but plenty chapters meant doing just that D: So the new/current chapter 17 is, well, new!

Hope ya enjoy!

* * *

All of her companions retreated to the gates, and Trevelyan had noticed a wounded soldier that was trying to crawl there. Immediately without thinking she changed her direction and headed for him before she felt something grip her wrist, stopping her. She flung her head back with rage in her eyes, "Let me the fuck go! He needs our help!"

"We cannot save every straggler, my dear, or everyone will die. That boy is as good as dead anyways."

"He's **not** dead!" _Help me Maker, help me restrain the urge to punch Vivienne right now._

"He'll only slow us down and get us all killed! You are still needed! This is not the time for ideals and worthless heroism!"

Trevelyan ripped her arm out of Vivienne's grip, venom laced every word "go on ahead, ladies first right? I'm not leaving anybody behind," _fuck!_ She raced over to the soldier and took off her coat then pressed it to the stump where his leg once was, he screamed in agony. _Needed, what for?! I sealed the fucking breach!_ She bit down and tore her sleeve off her shirt and tied it tightly around the stump, the soldier groaned. _We can't save everyone, or else everyone will die? That sounds so fucking stupid. If we don't save nobody then everyone will die anyways!_

"Your... Worship?"

"Don't talk, save your strength."

"It hurts... please, end it Your Worship, and run. You are our only hope left, do not waste-"

"I'm not wasting anything, and I'm not running! Are you a soldier?!"

The soldier looked puzzled and he answered weakly, "yes... ma'am?"

"Then act like one," Trevelyan focused on the task to stop the bleeding, she packed what looked to be clean untouched snow inside the coat and secured it to the wound, "be a man, or be like me." The soldier chuckled then groaned painfully, "not everyone can be a hero milady." The words echoed and warmed her, _I'm just another person like many of the soldiers here. I could've been one of these women,_ she smiled sadly, and hoisted the soldier over her shoulder.

"I'm no hero. Just a fellow soldier like you." Trevelyan walked unsteadily, her legs were shouting profanities at her and shook with each struggled step. She could feel the soldier's body tremble, and when she looked at his face she saw that he was crying.

"But... My leg..." he choked out, "I'll be useless to you after." She saw Bull and Varric help Harritt out, and Cassandra carrying another soldier. Blackwall had opened the gate and ushered the remaining frightened horses out. "So?" she told the soldier, "your life does not belong to me, not even the Maker. It belongs to **you**. You decide what you want when you get out of here."

"If I get out of here alive..." the soldier mumbled.

"**When** you do get out of here **alive**, if it is in your power to do so I have a favor to ask."

"Anything, milady, just say the word."

"If you see Sera, do you know her?"

"The foul-mouthed thief? Ah... I mean..."

Trevelyan chuckled, "at ease, she is after all." _She stole my heart. _"If you see her, tell her I..." _I'm what, sorry? I love you? I... Shit, I suck at speeches and goodbyes, and she's always hated apologies or being left behind._

"Milady, not to say I would not do this favor for you," he groaned, the cold ice-snow was moving too much inside the make-shift bandage, it rubbed against the exposed raw nerves. He chewed on his lip and continued, "I would. But you are asking me to do what I will not have to."

"I... don't understand?"

"Because when **you** get out of here, you will be the one to tell her." His breaths were becoming slow and labored, and he trembled. _Shit,_ Trevelyan picked up the pace and ignored her body's protests, _he needs a healer now!_ "Milady I-" "Enough. Save your energy, we need to rush you to a healer."

"Leave me."

"No! Look the gates are there, we're almost there, please hang on!"

"I'm not going to make-"

"**Yes. You. Will."** Trevelyan ground out, and suddenly her leg gave out on her. Both her and the soldier tumbled into the snow. She tried to stand but both legs seized up, painful cramps taking hold of her. Frustrated, she used her arms to pull herself and crawl to the soldier. The bandage and makeshift rope had become undone, blood still not clotted or frozen oozed out of the leg once more. She reached the soldier, his eyes were hollow and losing signs of life. Trevelyan buried the urge to cry, "No. M-my favor. You need to be alive for it, you need to get out of here alive!"

"My mother..." _What?_ "Was a grey warden. Do you know the grey warden motto?" Trevelyan scrambled for the bandages, but they fell too far away, her legs refused to listen to her. She looked back at the soldier, and begged, "No, don't do this. _Please._ We'll get you out of here. **I'll** get you out of here dammit!_" _She tried standing up once more and a cry of pain tore from her throat when her legs seized and cramped again.

"In Peace, Vigilance. In War, Victory. In Death..." He reached for the dagger strapped to his chest and pulled it out of the sheathe. Before Trevelyan could snap out of the shock and react fast enough, the young man forcefully slammed the dagger and penetrated the breast plate, it bit flesh and he groaned in agony. His eyes shuttered closed soon after as he mouthed...

_Sacrifice._

Trevelyan laid there, her ears were ringing and her vision was blurry. She could feel heat behind her, flames licked her neck. Echoes of clashing metal, thundering footsteps, cries of rage and despair filled her mind. _What's the point, if I can't even save one person?_ She looked to the buried mountains, it wouldn't take long for reinforcements to come and continue the assault. The dragon stole back what little precious time had been bought.

She sensed something's presence, and she looked back. A grinning red horror was walking up to her, its arm raised and sparks of red shot around it's fingers. An orb was slowly growing from it's palm. She's seen what power those small orbs hold, they are enough to obliterate anything in it's path.

"Have you not taken enough?" _Can he not even have the honor of a Soldier's burial?_ Her shoulders shook, she felt helpless. She pulled out the dagger and threw it at the red templar but missed because of the blurry vision and dizziness. _This is it._ She draped her body over the soldier's chest and closed her eyes. _I hope at least he remains._ She clenched her fists, _Your Worship? What a joke._ _I'm incompetent. I'm no hero._ She opened her eyes and looked at the soldier one final time. _I don't even know his name._ "...Huh?" She blinked once, then twice. "The world is getting misty...?" A high pitched sound pierced the air, and then a crunch.

_"'Cause yer cryin', ya daft tit!"_

* * *

Sera landed a clean head shot, and as the red horror fell down the orb discharged into the air, Trevelyan and the dead soldier were safe. Cecilia wiped her eyes and choked out in disbelief, "Sera?" Said archer sprinted over, she unpinned her cloak and wrapped it around Trevelyan.

"yes luv, saved yer pretty arse I did." She leaned down and gave a quick peck on the lips, then fastened the kiteshield clasp on the cloak. The warrior inspected and analyzed Sera, she was covered in cuts and reaked of smoke. Sera hooked under her arm and lifted her up.

"Wait, the soldier, I... I couldn't... We need to do something for him."

"I'm sorry luv, but-"

"**No**. We can't just leave him like this Sera!" Sera sighed, _stubborn arse, now what? We got nothin' to start our own fire. Can't chuck 'im at fire-breather either. Buckles'd be pissed. _ She looked around. "Stay here luv, brace yourself against the cliff's ledge." Trevelyan leaned against the wall and gripped the cloak tightly. She inhaled in the cloak to calm herself and regain her senses, _her scent..._ She smiled. _Feels like she's wrapped herself around me._ She looked up to see Sera run over and inspect a couple of blood lotuses poking out. "Where... Uh Sera, what are you doing?" Sera bent down and pulled out a small dagger, she cut a blooming blood lotus at the root, then went back to the soldier. "...Sera?"

"Got no fire. Dunno anythin' else bout the dead, luv. Can't do nothin' for him now but..." She kneeled and placed the lotus on the soldier's chest, and pushed his eyelids closed with her fingertips. Then she ripped off a decent sized portion of the side of her shirt and placed it over the stump of the soldier's leg. _What? Why did she-_ "now animals won't come smellin' and chewin'. Spilled a pint on this shirt two nights ago, it should scare 'em off" _Oh..._

Sera stood up and ran back to Trevelyan, "c'mon, Bear-puncher 'n' Curly been fightin' off strays to keep the gates open. Others inside fightin' too." She hooked herself under again, and Trevelyan looked back at the soldier.

"I promise we'll free him later, luv."*

They started walking, and Trevelyan leaned heavily on Sera. Her legs absolutely refused to listen, and it was like dragging dead weight along. "Ugnh!" another cramp seized her calf. "Piss, luv. Why'd ya push yerself so hard?" Cecilia remained silent, her mind was overwhelmed with the stream of events that had just happened in mere minutes. Her heart constricted when she looked at Sera and inspected her again. The archer was struggling and her sweat slicked chest heaved up and down, hungry for air. Dried clotted blood caked her skin from various cuts, and she could see a small trail of fresh blood dripping down from the front-side where she's torn her shirt earlier.

"You're injured." She blurted out worriedly.

"Shite, really? Couldn't tell with all this bloody stinging." She huffed, Trevelyan winced.

"Then wh-"

"Someone's got'to haul yer ass back to the chantry, other pissants fleeing or fightin' for themselves."

"What happened to you?"

"Woke up to the bells, thought it was a shite prank 'til I heard screamin'. Then arrows."

"But you, what happened to **you**? You smell like smoke and-"

"Everything's on fire. The dragon shat flame everywhere inside. Chantry's still safe somehow."

Trevelyan's stomach sank, _Haven is burning to the ground. Everyone is going to be burned alive... This can't be the Maker's Will, can it? Is this punishment?_ Trevelyan whispered, "Let the blade pass through the flesh, let my blood touch the ground, let my cries touch their hearts. Let mine be the last sacrifice."

"What? What ya on 'bout?"

"I'll give myself up in a heart beat if it means I can save everyone else."

"Not lettin' ya do that, Buckles. Not dyin' for no reason."

Her temper flared, "no **reason**?! How is-"

"So ya die. Then what? Then no point. Then everyone dies. Then no reason. Then it don't matter anymore." For a moment, Trevelyan saw the red veins and dead eyes but it was gone as soon as she blinked. Her head hung low, and her whole body felt slack as memories repeated in her mind.

_"The day you died? I ran out of arrows making them pay, then it didn't matter anymore..."_

"We'll make it through this, luv."

_"we'll get through this..."_

"An' I'll make 'em hurt!"

_"I'll frigging die just to spit in their faces."_

_It's like that time again. She's saying the same... No, this is a different time, different place. It won't happen again, _ her throat tightened, _I will break free of these chains._ They finally reached the gates and rushed inside, Cassandra and Cullen then closed the doors. Dorian and Varric were nearby and ran over to tend to Trevelyan's wounds, one healing her wounds and the other applying poultice to her bruised calves. She heard Cassandra and Cullen bickering in the background but her mind honed in on the searing pain from the poultice or healing magic. Dorian was exhausted, the slow process of knitting back tendons and fibers was excruciating as pain signals flooded the brain when nerves regained function.

"At this point, just make them work for it!" Cullen shouted, then started running back in the direction of the chantry. Another pained groan slipped past her lips. She pushed Dorian aside and stood up, her muscles shouted profanities and protested against all movement. "Fight first, heal later. We need to rescue everybody we're able to and rush to the Chantry without delay."

The others exchanged worried glances, but they did not have the luxury of time and safety. They knew they had to push on despite being weary and exhausted themselves. "We're with you Herald," Cassandra said, "wherever you go. So long as it doesn't involve hell" Dorian added, "aren't we already **in** hell, Sparkler?"

Trevelyan smiled, and took a spare sword Cassandra offered. "Right! Let's do what we do best," Sera beamed, "Let's make some friggin' noise!"

"And show them what hell really looks like!" Trevelyan charged forward.

* * *

*When Sera says "free him later" it means in a sense of freeing the soldier's spirit, as chantry funeral rites usually (or s'pose to) involve burning the dead. It is also seen as a way to 'combat' (for lack of a better word) demonic possession. I keep forgetting Sera's faith/education is largely based off of the Chantry's teachings D:


	17. Because She Abandons Me

This one is much longer than usual to make up for tomorrow night, it's likely I won't have one up. I tried to be as descriptive as possible in terms of fights/environment and gear but... I dunno. I'm one who loves characters and dialogue (and I'll skip everything else in books just for it XD) so I'm not sure how I did. Hopefully I didn't add too much boredom or inaccuracies of what these things might look like in real life (so we have something to relate to). Anyways, hope ya enjoy the story regardless!

* * *

Trevelyan rushed forward leading the others, quickly analyzing and judging what can still be saved and what will soon be lost. The buildings were being razed to the ground, _my gear,_ _need to save brother's great-sword._ Clashing of metal could be heard nearby, and Trevelyan turned right to the battle, sprinting as fast as her abused body allowed her to.

Lysette was fending off a red templar, and there were more climbing up the wooden stakes. One stumbled and ended up accidentally cutting it's arm off at the shoulder joint, yet it did not shout out at pain, it did nothing. Just stood up as if completely unharmed. _What the hell?! What are these things? _Cassandra raised her shield and charged forward, knocking the monsters down. She evaded and parried strikes, creating openings for Varric and Sera to shoot at the enemies caught off guard.

_Can't let them do all the work, _Trevelyan grumbled, _no armor. Got to fight smart,_ she ran forward at a templar ready to strike at Lysette and slid, her sword connecting and slicing both Achilles tendons. _Even a dragon will fall from the sky if the tendons are severed._ The templar fell to its knees and twisted it's body before it fell, it's gauntlet effectively smashing and lacerating above Trevelyan's left eye.

"**Fuck**!" The blood spurted from the gash and dripped down her face, she closed her eye when the blood seeped in and irritated her further. The templar grabbed her blade and squeezed it with inhuman strength, shattering the sword in her hands. She took the broken hilt and shoved the jagged end into it's throat, close to severing its head.

Another enemy came at her from her side, and Trevelyan rolled just in time before its sword sank into her flesh. Instead it caught the edge of the cloak and tore a small piece off as she rolled away. Lysette rushed over and pulled her up from the ground, and the horror charged up an orb in it's hand, aiming it for Lysette. Dorian froze the horror's hand too late, and the orb had already shot off. Without thinking, Cecilia roughly tackled Lysette back on the ground, the orb narrowly missing both of them. The horror started screeching, it seemed to be calling for reinforcements.

"Somebody's having a bad day!" Dorian sarcastically drawled while blocking his ears with his hands.

"Ugnh! Shit, this is worse than the Seeker's yelling!" finally, Varric pulled the trigger and a bolt ripped through the horror's mouth, stopping it's screeching. Cassandra ran over to Trevelyan and helped her up. She ripped her sleeve and dabbed it the gash on Trevelyan's head, and she hissed. "I'm fine, ugnh! Shit," she sucks in a breath and exhales slowly as the stinging stops, "We need to keep moving."

Lysette pushed onwards, "Herald, Protect the Chantry!"

Cecilia pushed Cassandra aside and marched on, forcing herself to put one foot ahead of the other. "Need to get to my tent. I need to grab my stuff."

"Luv, this place is tits up in flames! Help others and get the hell out!"

"I need my brother's sword!" Her hands shook, and she looked down, "I need it. I need that sword or I..." _I'm a failure._ She shook her head, tears threatened to spill from her eyes as frustration mounted once more. _It's all I have left._ "I can make it by myself, save all those you can and I'll meet you at the chantry."

Sera opened her mouth, but was cut off by Dorian as he spoke up, "the buildings have almost been razed to the ground. The flames have surely reached the tents or will soon. You may not have much time..." He walked up to her and passed his hands over her, and her body felt free of all aches and pains. "A spell," he explained, "that blocks signals of pain but only for a time. This will buy you the rest of the time you need," he handed her a flask. "Herbs mixed with ale and vinegar. Use it as a last resort."

"When?"

"When you're dying of course. What other resort is there?"

Trevelyan scoffed, "fair enough." She starts walking away until a small voice stops her.

"Buckles?"

She sighed, _shit._ She turns around with a reassuring smile, "relax, I'll come back to you. Save everyone that you can, okay love?"

"I'm comin' with ya."

"No, Sera yo-"

"**I'm. Not. Leaving. You. Alone.**" She ground out, "can you even see? Ya down an eye ya daft tit. Followin' ya whether ya like it or not." She ran her thumb along the bow string, "run. I'll cover yer pretty arse." Cecilia smiled and gave a quick peck on Sera's cheek, "owe you after this, love."

Sera's ears and cheeks flushed, "b-bloody right! Lots of K's and O's after ya grab yer sword!"

_K's and O's?_ _Kisses and..._ she sighed, "Sera, hardly the appropriate time to think about assaulting me on a battlefield." _Orgasms at a time like this? She'll never change._

"Who said it's assault if you like it?" she stuck out her tongue and patted Trevelyan's bum, "more'f that later, luv. Let's go!"

_Right, only have so much time with Dorian's spell before I start feeling pain again._ She took off, feeling much lighter and stronger. The path ahead was littered with dead templars, and Dorian was extinguishing flames at the tavern entrance. Shortly thereafter Cassandra escaped, carrying an unconscious Flissa in her arms. _She jumped through the fire before Dorian put it out? Is she insane?!_ She shook her head, _who am I to talk. I'm about to do the same thing. _She looked ahead, the tents have indeed already caught fire. Sera was shouting something behind her but she couldn't afford to slow down, she needed to recover her brother's sword at all costs. She quickly unfastened and threw off Sera's cloak, then ripped her remaining sleeve off and covered her mouth. She dove through the flames and rolled, then crashed into her trunk and bit down her groan. She can't afford to waste the breath she's holding, inhaling smoke now will surely be the end of her with her battered body and weak lungs.

The smoke made it hard to see, the flames licking the back of her neck threatening her state of mind and body, and she had precious few seconds to search before the tent came crashing down. The blood dried on her forehead, she opened her left eye and started tearing apart her trunk. She fumbled around until her hand was stopped by a blunt metal, _are these the parrying hooks?_ She felt leather against her palm and she slid further down until her fingers felt the familiar cross-guard. _Got it!_ She pulled out the great-sword in it's scabbard with all her strength and sprinted out as fast as she could, rolling into the snow to extinguish the flames.

_Thank the Maker for Dorian's spell, I'm definitely going to be feeling these later though..._ She laid in the snow and tossed the cloth away, lungs heaving and wheezing. She inspected the back of her scalded right hand and momentarily marveled at what magic could be capable of, all she had felt was dull pressure. She chuckled, _dull now, but this burn's going to have me screaming later._

"Buckles!" Sera caught up, and Trevelyan stood up with a grin, the feel of the familiar leather scabbard eased her fraying nerves. Soon the grin was replaced with a slap to her face, confused at why the archer was furious. _Thank the Maker for Dorian indeed. I'll definitely be feeling that one later._

"Ya daft tit! Who looks at fire and thinks 'hey let's dive in there!'"

"T-The sword..."

Sera ripped the great-sword out of her hands and held it up in front of Cecilia's face. "Don't give a piss! It's just a sword! Ya gonna die and kill everyone else 'cause 'metal'?!" Cecilia was still reeling from the fact that Sera was able to hold up the 7 pound great sword with such ease. _She is __**really**__ pissed... _Her eyes then honed in on the inscription on the parrying hooks protruding from the scabbard, Semper Fidelis. Suddenly, Sera threw the sword on the ground. She held up the abandoned cloak in her other hand, "tell me Buckles. Would ya do the same for this?"

Without thinking, Trevelyan immediately shook her head no. _This is my brother's sword! It's just a cloak, I can... Oh shit._ Sera's eyes were glassy, hurt flooding them. _Fuck, shit, I'm such an idiot._ "I mean-"

"Got yer sword now right? Ya don't need me anymore." Her voice was devoid of emotion, she turned on her heel and ran off.

"Sera!" She didn't even look back. The cloak laid abandoned in the snow once again. _Fuck! Why now, why is she getting pissed __**now**__?! Of all fucking times, _she looked around, dead templars and soldiers everywhere, most buildings and tents blackened and falling apart, the dragon's roars tearing through the air and shaking the ground. _Of all fucking times...!_ She picked up her great-sword and slung the strap of the shoulder scabbard over, the comfortable weight soothing her. She slid her thumb along the raised moldings on the grip, then rested her palm on the cruciform cross-guard. "_Semper Fidelis" _she whispered, "Always Faithful."

She picked up the cloak but didn't fasten it, afraid the exposed end of the great-sword would further abuse it. She quickly wrapped it high around her waist to stabilize her ribs from dislocating again, _pain made things so much easier to tell what I needed to brace first,_ she sighed. The only thing she felt now was the throbbing in her chest. _But how do you treat a heart?_

* * *

Trevelyan looked back to the mountains and the lights of the enemy reinforcements. She sprinted back to the Chantry, trying to formulate a plan. _We can't do anything anymore. _Frustration was welling up in her chest, tears blocking her vision. _I was so busy grasping the past that I ignored the present._ She wiped her eyes with the back of her scalded hand, and pain immediately shot through her. Soon the sensations of her whole body came crashing down on her and her legs buckled beneath her as she cried out in agony. The sting on her face sat at the front of her mind.

"Ah! Shit, **fuck!** Ugnh," she placed a hand on her knee and sucked in a breath, pushing herself up and exhaling, "tchhh! Fuck!" Words echoed in the back of her mind, the precious few memories she had when she trained with her brother.

_"Pain, like any emotion, can be turned off when you need it to."_

_Easier said than done, random shitty convenient thought in my mind. _She chuckled, _shit. Arguing with myself, I'm really losing it. _She looked down at the distinct footprints belonging to over-sized shoes. _No... I've already lost it. _"Ugh... Maker..." the Chantry was close, and suddenly she felt an arm hook around her waist and a head under her shoulder. Her heart filled with hope until it came crashing down when she realized that it was just Dorian. His usually neatly kept hair was a mess and sweat was practically pouring from his forehead, the mage really pushed himself this time. _Everyone did... But me..._

"The pain came back I take it?"

"Ugh, yeah, you could say that." She groaned as they stumbled along.

"You at least have your sword, where's Sera?"

Trevelyan looked down, "ah, I told her to run to the Chantry and let 'em know I was coming soon."

"I see. Do you have a plan by any chance?"

"Live?"

Dorian chuckled, "I agree. Though that sounds more like a miracle instead of a plan."

"Apparently people think I work miracles. Maybe I'll get lucky again one last time."

"Sorry to say but judging from the situation, we're shit out of luck."

"What was that saying of yours again? Vishante kaffas."

Dorian laughed, "it's been an honor, milady."

"Ohh no, don't start on shitty goodbye speeches Dorian. I'm going to make sure every one lives."

"You better not be thinking of something cliche a hero would do like sacrificing yourself. A terrible plan, let me tell you. Sera will ask me to raise you from the dead just so she can kill you again."

Hearing Sera's name hurt worse than the injuries. "That's creepy. Let's just focus on living for now."

"Fair enough!"

They slammed on the Chantry doors, and Cecilia fell silent. She contemplated about what she'd say to Sera but nothing came to mind, she felt like she was going to toss up her whole stomach. The soldiers opened the doors and Dorian helped her inside, her eyes scanning the crowd for the archer. She wasn't there. _She did come back here right? _Her mind raced of damning possibilities as Dorian and Cullen argued about a way out, while the strange young man helped Chancellor Roderick. He looked at her with that same concerned look from earlier, and he came to her.

"You're hurting."

"Shit, really? Couldn't tell-" _with all this bloody stinging._

"You're thinking of her. Sera is alright, she's safe." Trevelyan looked at the strange young man, how does he know of her?

"Your mind, I can hear it. It hurts, stinging, burning, radiating, festering. You're worried you hurt her too, but-"

"I didn't come here so you can drop rocks on my head!" Dorian shouted. Trevelyan looked bewildered at the two, and Cullen explained the plan.

"Herald, there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide."

"But we're overrun. To hit the enemy, we'd bury Haven!"

"We're dying, but we can decide how. Many don't get that choice."

White hot pain surged in her head, red eyes flashed in her minds, "_you left me to die!" no... No there's got to be another way. I won't __**kill**__ everyone! _She was still focused on what the young man had told her earlier, until suddenly she blanked as soon as the young man started talking. _Huh? Strange. What was happening?_

"Yes, that. Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies." _What a cheerful lad._

"There is a path. You wouldn't know it unless you'd made the summer pilgrimage. As I have." He struggled to stand up and Trevelyan rushed to his side and caught him from falling, "the people can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could... Tell you."

"What are you on about, Roderick?"

"It was whim that I walked the path. I did not mean to start-it was overgrown. Now, with so many in the conclave dead, to be the only one who remembers... Ah, I don't know, Herald. If this simple memory can save us, this could be more than a mere accident. **You** could be more."

The words sank in, and she looked at Cullen, "what about it, Cullen? Will it work?"

"Possibly, **if** he shows us the path. But what of your escape?"

Trevelyan looked at Dorian, a silent plea in her eyes. _I'm sorry..._ she tried to convey. _Take care of everyone for me._ She looked down and away.

"Perhaps you will surprise it, find a way... Inquisition! Follow Chancellor Roderick through the Chantry! Move!"

Dorian came up to her and his hands glowed, "I'll try to heal as much as I can right now."

"Just give me that spell you did earlier Dorian, only make it last longer. I'm going to-"

"Don't say it. You'll make my favorite imp sad if you do. If the spell runs out, remember the flask."

"Right. Just in case Dorian..." she hesitated, and looked around for Sera one last time. _Gone._ "Please... Take care of her for me, tell her-"

"Shh, didn't I say? You'll make my favorite imp sad. You'll come back and tell her yourself, or be subjected to creepy necromancy."

A sad smile tugged on the corners of her lips, and she quickly hugged Dorian before whispering "thank you, you've been a true friend." She patted his shoulder and quickly walked away from him before her heart burst.

The young man from earlier wrapped his arm around Roderick, and the cleric gasped out, "Herald... If you are meant for this, if the inquisition is meant for this, ah... I pray for you." She nodded and he walked off. A couple of soldiers ran past her and Cullen came up to her. "They'll load the trebuchets. Keep this Elder One's attention until we're above the tree line."

"Right." She inhaled slowly and turned away from Cullen, fighting to keep fear from taking control of her. _More soldiers to die... More women and men being taken by this monster._

"If we are to have a chance - if **you** are to have a chance - let that thing hear you."

_"Right! Let's make some friggin' noise!"_


	18. Because She Protects Me

I dunno how story alert works so if you haven't seen that I've merged the previous chapter 17 with 16, and wrote a new chapter 17 (now named Because She Abandons Me as opposed to whatever weird title I had before), there ya have it! You might want to catch up on 17 first for this one to kinda make a little more sense.

Did you have a UGGHH *wants to slap Trevelyan* moment last chapter? Good, that's what I intended! Though I know personally I'd be uh-durr like her too and piss Sera off by accident most likely in a similar way, realizing how incredibly wrong I am a second too late (and guilt lasting for an eternity Q.Q). But if you had a UGGHH *wants to slap Sera* moment just think of it like this! You're married, or dating, and if your single imagine it's your hand. Your hand gives you the awesomest most spectacularly fantastically marvelous gift ever (in this case, the cloak, and ignore the made up words) and later slaps you in the face basically saying it's worthless! UGGHH *slaps and kicks and sets Trevelyan on fire too!* There we go :P She needs to stay alive though.

Anyways! Remember those soldiers how they rush out the Chantry to help 'load' the trebuchet, then disappear as soon as ya hop out the Chantry doors? Remember how your companions ditch ya with coryphy-piss after they jump away to dodge the dragon's giant flaming ball of "oh _shit_", but stay to get frozen, zapped, or scorched by 10 other dragons? I dunno about you, but I didn't like the non-soldiers and jerk-comrades :P So this chapter changes that a little, hope my memory served me correctly regarding the scene between Corypheus and the Inquisitor.

Quick edit: intheinkpot, your review was so spot on as I typed my UGGHH paragraph O.O are you a freaking mind reader?! Creepy shite :P It's like you already knew my intentions as I wrote the note before continuing to write this current chapter :O But I'm glad I didn't actually need to explain things with my UGHH note and how that scene was taken as I intended! Thanks for the reassurance *thumbs up* :D

P.P.S. This chapter is incredibly long! Extra-enjoy :D!

* * *

"As soon as the trebuchet is loaded, retreat immediately!" Trevelyan commanded the 5 soldiers as they ran towards the siege site.

"It doesn't work that way Your Worship," the Captain of the soldiers explained, "once we load debris into the sling, the trebuchet will need to be calibrated."

_Shit. Seriously?! _She slowed down, "Your Worship?" She sighed as they stopped and watched her. _More men dying because of my carelessness. _

"Can't I calibrate it by myself? I will not order you to your deaths. Retreat and head back to Cullen, I will find a way to do this."

The soldiers looked at each other, puzzled, until they all saluted and the Captain smiled. "Your Worship, you have not ordered us to our deaths, nor has anyone asked you to. A remarkable woman of your honour and valor should not be burdened with this sacrifice alone."

"Besides," one of the soldiers perked up, "that stiff cogwheel is a pain in the ass to turn, we'll probably die of exhaustion before the avalanche reaches us!" The band shared a laugh and Trevelyan smiled. "Courageous and hearts unwavering, you should all be proud of yourselves. Let's make this elder one regret screwing with us troops, so that the Inquisition will kick his crippled ass later!"

The soldiers cheered, and they raced on. Red templars had tried to ambush them but one powerful swing chopping the wooden stakes sent them all tumbling down to the ground, and the soldiers delivered the finishing blows. Finally, they reached the trebuchet and the soldiers dashed over to load debris into the sling. Trevelyan had kept an eye out for any enemy reinforcements and dealt with strays swiftly, save for one knight templar.

It was grotesque, red lyrium jutting out from it's face and shoulder blades, and it too wielded a great-sword. Cecilia rushed forward and thrusted upwards to bait the templar to block, but instead he swung downwards. She side-stepped and closed in, then lifted her left arm and trapped the sword hilt before sinking her blade into the templar's neck. It screamed in her face and let go of it's sword then clutched Trevelyan by her throat, tightening it's hold each second. _Hand to hand combat, my favorite,_ she released her sword and raised her right arm, then twisted her hips and brought her arm down swiftly, breaking the choke-hold.

She hastily side-kicked at the kneecap to bring the templar down, and ripped out the blade from it's neck before swinging it behind her, using momentum to power through and slice the head clean off. Blood gushed out and Trevelyan kicked the body down into the ground, then sheathed her sword back into the shoulder scabbard before rushing over to help the exhausted soldiers calibrate the trebuchet. _It's almost aimed at the mountain_, she put her hand on the Captain's shoulder, who was drenched in sweat from trying to pull through.

"Call a retreat, Captain. I will handle the rest from here."

"But... Your Worship..."

"There is no sense in dying for the sake of dying. Live on, and protect the people. Go back to your loved ones, men. Maybe you are ready for this sacrifice, but they aren't." Sera flashed in her mind, and she looked down, a sad smile tugging on the corners of her lips. "Tell them you love them everyday, because some day you may lose that chance."

_"Got yer sword now right? Ya don't need me anymore." _

_You're wrong, I've always needed you. You've always protected me, when it was I who should have protected you.  
_

The soldiers saluted, "we will never forget you, Your Worship. You truly are a blessing sent to us by the Maker, no matter how much you downplay it. We will carry on and strive to be heroic like you in the battles to come."

_"...not everyone can be a hero milady." _She saluted back, "I'm no hero. Just a fellow soldier like you. Now go! There's no time!" The soldiers looked at the Captain until he nodded in agreement to the command, they bowed and raced off.

Trevelyan took her gloves off and gripped the handles of the cog wheel once more. She pulled towards her and leaned back, feeling the pull in her shoulders as she struggled with the damned stiff thing. Her feet slid forward and she squeezed her gluts, then inhaled as she would reach forward to the next handle and pull again. Sweat trickled down her forehead, _shit, they weren't kidding about dying of exhaustion._ She looked at the flask tied to her belt, _no, last resort's dying, not pulling a stupid wheel. Come on! _Sweat trickled down her forehead, she huffed and groaned with each pull, the trebuchet was almost there._ It's almost over..._ Sadness welled up in her chest, her tears flowed freely as scattered memories bounced in her mind.

"Oi Droopy!"

Droopy...? "Is there a reason why you are addressing me as Droopy as if it's the most natural thing to say?" Sometimes this Red Jenny really irked her.

"Look at you, almighty highness with fancy rich tit words."

Trevelyan scowled at this, "I'm not almighty. Or a highness. And I did not use fancy words."

"Right on. Anyways Droopy! I need a favor."

"Can I know why I'm Droopy first?"

"Yer broody all the time. See? 'Cause that face. Yer doin' it now. Broody droopy face."

Certainly eloquent of her. Why did I agree to let a Red Jenny here again?

Sera continued, "Anyways, my favor! Drink a pint with me."

"But I don't drink."

"Exactly why it's a favor! C'mon," she pats the chair beside her, "You'll do **everyone** a favor if you sit yer pretty arse down and loosen up!"

She sighed, "I better not regret this, Sera." Wait. Pretty? She felt heat rise to her cheeks.

Sera grinned, "Never with me, Droopy."

* * *

Trevelyan turned the wheel one last time, _yes!_ _Just have to kick the lever now._ A roar tore through the air, and the dragon was flying straight for her. It's opened mouth grew bright orange, _shit!_ Trevelyan tried to dive out the way thinking the dragon was aiming for her, but instead it hit behind her. The force of the shock wave knocked her off the trebuchet stage and she landed on her right shoulder with a sickening crunch at her elbow. She looked down, her elbow hyper-extended and bent backwards, it pulsed with searing pain immediately. _Fuck. Dislocated._

"Ah! Ugh," she rolled on to her stomach and tried to push herself up with her left arm, pain coursed through her battered body, "fuck!" She spread her legs out and push back, using momentum and a wide base of support to stand. She was knocked back on her bum as the vibrations of the dragon landed and crawled up to her.

"Enough!" Trevelyan's skin broke out in goosebumps, she felt a wave of... _something_ pass through her. _Magic? _Death, fear, despair filled her. _This is what magic is capable of?_ A large monster walked through the flames towards her, _what... What is that...?_ _He has red lyrium growing out of him too..._

"Pretender. You toy with forces beyond your ken, no more."

"Whatever you are... I am not afraid!" _Dirty liar._ Her legs threatened to give out just at the sight of this creature.

"Words mortals often hurl at darkness. Once they were mine, they were always lies. Know me, know what you have pretended to be."

_Pretty sure I did not pretend to be a fucking monster with red lyrium shooting out my ass._

"Exalt the Elder One! The _WILL_ that is Corypheus!"

_"... it is the Maker's Will."_

_Is that what this monster is...?_

The monster pointed and commanded, "You will kneel."

_Hell no! _"Why are you here?! What do you want from us?!"

"I ask for nothing, because it is not in your power to give. But that will not stop me." The monster had an orb in it's hand, _what the hell is that?_ The gash on her forehead was burning, and she had just noticed that that impact earlier had reopened the wound. Her vision blurred and she closed her left eye again to protect it from the trickling blood.

"I am here for the _anchor_. The process of removing it begins now."

Her left hand sparked, the green light emanating much more intensely. It felt like her nerves ignited into ice-cold flames. _Can fire even feel like ice?_ Then it numbed, like frostbite. Her first instinct was to grab her left hand, and she yelped as she unconsciously tried to move her dislocated elbow.

"It is your fault, 'Herald'. You interrupted a ritual years in the planing, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose." The numbing frost-burn intensified and so did the glowing of both orb and hand. _Fuck, fuck, fuck! What the fuck is this?! Someone please... Help me!_

"I do not know how you survived, but what marks you as 'touched,' what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens. And you used the anchor to undo my work! The gall!"

Her head shot up. _What? Magic to do... what..._ "Why did the Divine die?" Her throat constricted, "for this chaos?"

"The 'chaos' will empower me, and ensure we no longer beg at the feet of the invisible."

_I don't understand!_ _Who's invisible?! _The monster moved unnaturally towards her, and lifted her up by her marked hand. _Floating again... This always ends badly..._ Her heart faltered, her mind numbed.

"I once breached the fade in the name of another, to serve the old gods of the empire _in person_. I found only chaos and corruption. Dead whispers. For a thousand years I was confused, no more. I have gathered the _will_ to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world."

_Is he talking about the Golden city? The Maker?_

"Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the Gods, and **it was empty!**" He threw her at the trebuchet, pain shot up through her back as feeble body slammed against it and she heard a crack as the great-sword bit into her back. The open wounds, the wounds threatening to open, the broken bones and bones threatening to break... None of it mattered anymore, the pain did not unnerve her as much as what the monster claimed. The world felt like a fog, her mind disoriented by the realization.

_The Maker... Doesn't exist...?_

"The anchor is permanent. You have spoiled it with your stumbling. So be it. I will begin again, find another way to give this world the nation -and **God**\- it requires."

A glint in her peripheral vision caught her attention, and she looked to the east. _The signalling arrow..._ _So everyone is safe now..._ She looked around one final time, taking in her surroundings in her final moments. A small pit in the distance caught her eye. _Wait, is that... The pit where the Chargers blew up the day Sera and I were lost in the cave?_

"And you. I will not suffer even an unknowing rival. You _must_ die."

Trevelyan looked down at the trebuchet lever, hope began filling her. _I'll have to thank Sera for needing to piss in a cave if I survive this. _Determination and confidence boosted her, her body feeling slightly rejuvenated. She smirked, "your arrogance blinds you. Good to know! If I'm dying... It's not **today**!" She kicked the lever with all her might, and the sling flew forward, shooting the loaded debris at the mountain. It slammed with a thundering explosion, and snow immediately came plummeting down.

Trevelyan braced her shoulder with her hand and began sprinting with all her strength, the vibrations and adrenaline spurring her on to make it to the pit. _There! _She took a leap of faith, and went crashing down, blacking out when she slammed through the wooden boards.

* * *

She woke startled and with immense pain coursing throughout her crippled body. She slowly sat up despite her muscles protesting and shouting profanities at her, and she inspected herself for anything currently bleeding or broken. The elbow was the most immediate problem at the moment, she yanked on the loose ends of the cloak tied around her waist and stuffed the cloth she could reach into her mouth. She leaned forward on her knees, and grabbed her right wrist.

_Right. Think of pleasant thoughts, think of __**FUCK! **_"Mmpf!" Her elbow snapped back with a sickening crunch and she fell back on her bottom. She tore the cloak from the loose ends, and gathered pieces of broken wooden boards that looked sturdy and didn't have terribly jagged ends. She squished the bottom piece between her elbow and knee, and balanced the top piece on her elbow. She wrapped the cloth around and tied the ends with her remaining good hand and teeth, pulling tightly until she's successfully stabilized and splinted her elbow.

She shuffled backwards until she felt the cave wall and braced herself against it as she slid up, her legs burning and quivering from the strain. She stumbled forward and tread slowly, her lungs gasping for air. Her stomach growled, _shit... How long was I out?_ She touched the gash on her forehead and hissed in pain, it felt swollen. "Fuck, it's going to get infected..." she looked forward and saw some deep mushroom glowing in the distance, and headed straight for those.

_Didn't I gather these for Adan before, so he could experiment with a remedy to help control pain and heal faster?_ _Creepy that it grows from dead spiders... _She shivered. _Hate spiders... _She grasped and tugged on the mushrooms and smeared it on her forehead and other exposed cuts, hissing at the contact. _Fuck, right, also used these for Sera's jar of bees. I might have just killed myself now..._ She stood back up, _no use regretting now, got to keep moving._ The sound of clinking reached her ears and she looked down, _oh yeah, still have Dorian's flask_.

She chuckled, "how many last resorts could I have used this for? Well still breathing, should be okay..." she braced her hand on the wall and trailed down, her thoughts drifting off as the routine of forcing one foot forward numbed her mind.

They were lucky to get two rooms at Redcliffe inn, but they only had one bed each. Trevelyan groaned as she looked at Bull, Dorian and Sera. _Why did I bring her? Now I'm stuck sleeping with this loud foul-mouthed-_

"Oi Bull! I call the right side!" _... What?_

Dorian chuckled, "you'd rather bunk with a man instead of a woman, imp? Shocking."

"Ain't stupid. See the way she looks at me with those broody eyes? Don't feel like dyin' of boredom."

Trevelyan's eye twitched, "I'm not broody or serious all the time!" Sera grinned, and shoved Trevelyan into the room.

"Yeah? Prove it." She closed the door. Dorian and Bull shrugged, "works for us."

"So... _This_ is your idea of fun?" Sera was mind-numbingly bored. She sat cross-legged and leaned back on her elbows on the bed.

"Yeah! I used to do this with my sisters all the time! C'mon try it you'll like it!"

"Ya daft tit," Trevelyan's eye twitched, _will I ever get used to her foul mouth?_ "Dya even know what fun actually means? Here I thought we were gonna shag."

"What?"

"Shag. Y'know, wankin' and jerkin' each other."

Her eyebrow rose, "I still don't understand."

Sera groaned and face palmed. Then she paused, and grinned. Trevelyan's stomach stirred uncomfortably when Sera stood up and walked closer to her. She leaned in and whispered, "close yer eyes. I'll teach ya."

"Why do I need to close my eyes? This isn't a prank is it?"

Sera circled Trevelyan and stood behind her.

_What is she doing?_ Cecilia was then pushed towards the bed.

"Sit on the edge of the bed with your back to me."

"O...kay?" She unbuckled the straps for her greaves and took them off, then worked on the tassets and faulds. She could _feel_ Sera's impatience, "sorry, just one moment." She dropped the remaining plates on the ground and sat cross-legged on the bed. She felt slight pressure on her shoulders and she looked, confused to see tiny hands on her pauldrons. "Sera?"

"Lesson one. Wankin' starts by undressing first."

"And what is this 'wanking'?" _Fereldans and their weird words. _She could feel Sera's breath hit her ear and warmth spread up to her cheeks. _What is this feeling? What is she doing to me?_

"We'll get to that," she whispered, "just relax." Sera worked on the pauldrons first, releasing clasps and buckles and surprisingly, carefully peeled off the plate and settling it on the floor. When both pauldrons were off, she moved on to the cuirass, then the leather coat of plates. "How much bloody armor are you wearing? Ya got'to be stiff as a board," she grumbled.

"I'm fine, as long as it saves my life I'm not going to complain." Trevelyan extended her arms to the sides as Sera pulled off the coat of plates.

"Hey. How ya take off yer gauntlets so easily? Tried them on before, was bloody hard to put 'em on and take 'em back off."

"You... Tried my armor on before?" _When did she even get the chance? If I don't have my armor on then it's with me in my tent..._

"Yea. Was curious. Heavy shite, think it'd get me killed, not save me."

"When did you even try it on, Sera?"

"When ya were sleepin', duh." She grinned, "ya have a cute snore, by the way."

"W-wha-" Trevelyan's face grew hot at the teasing, "I do not snore!"

"Oh yea ya do. Like a dragon's roar. It's all _woof_ and stuff."

"Dogs go woof, not dragon."

"Hm. Right. Yer a cute puppy then."

"I am no- _oooh... __**shit.**__" _Sera's fingers skillfully kneaded and massaged Trevelyan's neck and shoulders. Her mind went blank as sparks shot through her spine from the manipulation and relaxation.

"Yer bloody stiff alright. Muscle's hard as rock."

"Is this... _uhhnn..._ Lesson two - **fuck **\- of... w-wanking?" She was putty in Sera's hands.

"Yea, guess so. This is fun too. Here lay down on yer back." Trevelyan did as told, and groaned in pain when Sera squeezed her thighs. "Sorry luv, ya got tons'o'knots. Damn these mighty legs... _Woof..._"

Something about Sera's tone and facial expression was driving Cecilia insane. _Why? I've never felt this before..._ Another groan as another knot was kneaded out. _Her hands... _She looked down, _they're so small. _Another spark of pleasure overwhelmed her senses, "shit!"

"Almighty Touched Herald." Sera grinned, "Ya won't burn for cursin'?"

"Don't call me that. Hate that stupid title. And- _fuck_ \- you haven't burned yet. I figure I ought to be safe." Sera laughed wholeheartedly. Trevelyan smiled, feeling lightheaded as all the tension floated away. _I guess she isn't so bad after all..._

"Would ya look at that, yer broody face knows how to smile. Pretty too."

"Mmm..." Trevelyan drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Her foot caught on a rock and she stumbled, _how long was I zoned out for?_ The cave opened up a bit more, and realization dawned on her, "I remember this place..." she touched her lips, how could she forget? Her first kiss, although it was sloppy and she did mash teeth since she had no clue what to do. It took months for them to get to this point... She sighed and gripped her hair bangs roughly, _now it's all fucking gone. I fucked it up._

Suddenly, her hand glowed intensely and the numbing frost-burn-like pain came back as two demons had spawned in front of her. Despair demons? Hallucinations? Fuck I can't grab my sword! One of the despair demons readied an attack, until Trevelyan instinctively raised her marked hand and power surged forth, fuelled by her determination and strong will to live. A massive rift appeared and pulled the demons, their banshee-like screech echoed in the cave until they were swallowed.

"What... The fuck?" Trevelyan shook her head. _Need to keep moving, almost at the exit. _She pressed on, and she could feel a draft. "Oh... Well. Shit." She made it to the entrance, and her heart fell, her hope shattered. All she could see was white, trees, and more white. Some white flying from the wind blowing, white falling off the branches, white slapping her face. _Heh. White slapping my face. Sera'd like that._ Each time she thought of Sera, her heart constricted but also encouraged her. _I need to see her. I need to apologize, and I need to tell her I love her. Or else Dorian will be sicked on me with his creepy necromancy..._

_"Marry me..."_

_"You're a loony. Honey-tongue loony... share some of that honey with me already." _

She took a step forward and sunk in the snow, the snow fell inside her boots and the cold sensation instantly bit her toes. She hugged her right arm tightly and looked away from the direction the wind was blowing. Her teeth constantly chattered, her whole body trembled and shivered to try and generate even a small ounce of heat.

"So ya shite gold right? Can ya pay my share for the inn?"

Trevelyan stammered, Sera always caught her off guard and her manners flew away, "What?! Why would you think I shit gold!?"

"Holy shite! You just **swore**!"

"That's not the point Sera, why would you-"

"Ya SWORE! Droopy swore! Oi, Bull, didya hear that?!"

"Boss... Are you... Okay? Like," Bull flicked her forehead, "in there?"

Trevelyan clenched her fists, "Yes I_ fucking_ swore! I said shit! Now can you tell me why you think I shit gold?!"

She had neither of their attention, Sera was behind Bull holding her stomach and trying not to laugh, but as soon as Bull chuckled they both lost control.

_"Yer a Loony now, Droopy!"_

She marched off angrily, I can swear! I'm not uptight like Mother! Why does swearing make me a loony?! To this day, she never found out why Sera thought she shat gold.

Trevelyan smiled, "Droopy... I used to hate being around her. Couldn't stand her, but she was, is, a damn good archer. And thief... Forgot to thank her for picking the locks below the Chantry, found some good books stashed down there. And for persuading the innkeeper at Redcliffe to get us those two rooms." She chuckled with chattering teeth until her ribs stung, "didn't know they were a Red Jenny until Sera confessed her persuasion techniques only involved arrows. If you could call it a confession... I was just too damn stupid to notice what was in front of me..."

She took a break and looked around her, _nothing but mountains and more white, Sera would probably say the mountains look like breasts._ The howling wind was making her tremble even more, her body was numb and she was starting to feel... at peace. _Shit,_ she pulled out Dorian's flask and drank the contents, feeling them soothe her aches and warming her._ Got to keep moving or else I'll lose heat faster because of the flask, got to stay awake. At least this cold will freeze my blood and stop any more swelling or bleeding..._ She fought desperately to keep her mind focused, her thoughts always stayed on Sera. _Even if she's not here, she's always protecting me, saving me. Keeping me alive._

She yanked at the knot on her waist and untied the cloak, and wrapped it around as best as she could. Her ribs dropped and stung from losing their brace, but that pain helped keep her alive at the moment. She fastened the kite shield clasp with trembling hands, and guilt surged through her. _Semper Fidelis. Always Faithful_. _I was not faithful to her..._ She looked down at her marked hand. _Anchor. Magic._ She shuddered violently.

_"Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the Gods, and __**it was empty!**__" _

_There's no way that can be true... He was cast out because he sinned! The Maker exists... He has to._ _Even though I knew I couldn't possibly be blessed, I hoped..._ She sighed, _I secretly believed that even a failure like me could still be welcomed at the Maker's side..._ She trudged on, and soon she thought she saw something that resembled akin to a fire pit. With renewed hope she rushed forward, "embers...? Recent!" she didn't stay for the pitiful warmth at the fire pit, it was useless. Soon she could have sworn she heard voices carrying in the wind, _am I hallucinating?_

The hill was steep, her legs trembled both from the cold and fatigue. The strain was too much, and her legs buckled beneath her. "Shit! Come on! Stand **up!** Almost there... please!" The snow covered her up to her hips, and even more violent shivers tore through her muscles. She groaned and grunted in pain, heaving and trying to push to get back up. Her thoughts of peace and tranquility came back, and she was frightened, _no..._ Her vision blurred, she started feeling lightheaded, _no... Please, Maker if you exist... Please! I need to see her one last time..._ Her body slumped forward, and her face hit the hard ice-snow. Her eyes shuttered closed, sleep heavily pulling on her mind.

"Thank the Maker!" were the last words she heard before she succumbed to the darkness.


	19. Because She Hates Me

Super freaking fast edit and hope ya catch this intheinkpot. Makin' my heart race when I try to type as fast as I can to update this! I will slap you soon I swear :P Hopefully this chapter answers your questions! I do hope on exploring it a bit further later on though. I tried to imply a little bit of what she herself had done without bluntly saying it, 'cause I'm trying to be sneaky like that. Though I guess this kinda makes the secret not so secret-y anymore huh?

In any case, hope ya all still enjoy!

* * *

Sera was pissed. Actually, beyond pissed. Pissed is just a general understatement here. She used up **all** of her arrows shooting at things in the dark. She hates that she's not in the mood to play pranks or drink, and this was aggravating her greatly. It didn't matter if there was nothing to drink and pranks to do, only the lack of mood. Regardless, this never happens! And all because of one person.

"Daft tit," she sneezed, "fuckin'" sneeze "bloody shite!" sneeze "Piss! Mother of a fuckin' nug!" cough "Bitch! Hairy ba-" sneeze, she snapped and kicked the bucket filled with slowly melting ice. The ice-cold water spilled under the cot, and her eyes wandered to Trevelyan who lay there unconscious. She sighed and raked a hand through her hair, "I _hate_ you. I hate you so much and I..." she bent down and draped herself over the warrior's stomach. A groan slipped past Trevelyan's lips and Sera immediately sat up, hope shining in her eyes only to realize she accidentally pressed on the fractured ribs.

She fought desperately to hold back her tears, and her voice broke. "I hate you, daft tit, fuckin' idiot. Dive through fire, bury under snow, and come back with a stupid arse smile on yer face, mumblin' my name. Stupid. Stupid!" She stood up and paced around until she kicked the bucket again.

"Stupid! I _hate_ you! Ya always doin' weird shite to me! Stupid feelings, stupid bees, stupid squirming, stupid everything!" She looked back at Trevelyan, tears flowing freely for the third time that night. "I leave and ya go off to die? Ya had yer bloody sword, why the hell did ya do somethin' so fuckin' _stupid_ ya damn Loony..." _Shoulda been there. I was s'posto be there, with her._ She glanced at the great-sword lying on the ground, it looked just as abused as its owner.

"Ya kept the cloak..." she whispered, "I thought ya were gonna leave it. Leave me." _But I left._ "Wake up, Buckles. This ain't a funny joke anymore. I'm... scared, they said you might not wake up. Ya kept the cloak, means ya gonna keep around, yeah? Ya not gonna leave me right?" She smoothed Trevelyan's hair bangs back, and softly pressed her lips to the healing cut above Cecilia's eye. "Heard it heals faster with kisses," she leaned down and kissed the mark she left on Trevelyan's neck, "yer still mine, y'know. The guy upstairs with his big fancy butt on his big fancy seat can't have ya, or arrows. Don't care, yer mine and I'll fight him for ya."

"Wake up already," she nudged and lightly shook Trevelyan by the shoulders, "_please._ Can't stand this no more, luv, please open yer eyes, look at me again. Even if its yer broody or pissy look, want ya to just look at me again." _Don't want to be nothin'. Nothin' is scary, no point. Empty..._ She sneezed again, "aww shite! This cold's stupid! Stupid like you!" she squeezed the cloak around her tighter and buried her nose in it. "Smells like ya. And blood. But that's yer smell anyways since ya always bloody stupid. There you are with that stupid arse smile again. Better be 'cause of me. If ya ain't dreamin' of me, arrows. Got it?" _Always talkin' so much when she can't hear me. _She sneezed.

"'Cause of ya I'm like this. Hurtin', and feelin' like shite. Looked for yer loony arse forever out there, without _my_ cloak." She hugged the cloak and whispered, "thanks for bringing it back. A little late though. Move faster next time, arse."

"Sera?" she jumped back, and her temper flared at the sight of a certain Spymaster's face.

"Red! What I say 'bout seein' ya?!"

"I don't think 'tossing the sheets' is a factor anymore here. I came to check on the Herald and... you. Are you alright?" Leliana glanced at the unconscious warrior, _in the same condition, _she sighs,_ two days, how does anyone survive that?_

"Fine." She shuffled her feet and kicked a small pebble at Leliana. "Just this shite cold buggin' me."

"Anything else in terms of a particular warrior bugging you?"

"No," Leliana's eyes narrowed, _friggin' creepy she is. 'Course she don't believe me,_ "Yes..." she admitted.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No," _shite, her eyes are getting scarier, _"Red, don't kill me. I wanna live until Loony opens her eyes at least."

"You've been on edge ever since we escaped Haven, more so when the Herald came back."

"Ya think? It don't make bloody sense Red. It can't. She died and came back? Can't. She was just gone for a couple of days and got lucky."

"You think it's luck? Look at her injuries Sera, look at what she's been thro-"

"I know! It just... It can't make sense! It can't, it's stupid! I leave, and she dies, and she comes back? Friggin' do-"

"You left her?"

"Well yeah, I mean we argued and-"

"Sera. You two argued on a **battlefield**? You **left** the Herald by herself?"

"She pissed me off!" Sera felt a sudden sting on her cheek, her eyes clouded with fury and she shoved Leliana back.

"What the fuck Red! What was that for?!"

"I don't even know what she even sees in you," Leliana seethed, her eyes sharp as daggers. "If you hurt the Herald one more time, I promise I **will** kill you when you do." She turned on her heels and left.

Sera looked down and quietly mumbled, "... Bitch. Don't care what ya think of us..." she walked outside. "Oi! Bull, dya got that soup ready yet?"

"Yea, just 'bout done. Gonna feed the boss?"

"Heard her stomach growl a bit. And mine," she sneezed and hugged the stained cloak tighter, "ugh, shite."

"Still got the chills huh? Did Dorian-"

"Yea, cast his creepy shite on me. Loony'll be safe from me."

"If she dies of a cold, I-"

"Shut it. Not funny."

"Right. Sorry, Sera. Here's a bowl, don't burn your tongue."

"Yeah, thanks." Bull looked sadly at the archer as she walked away, she's grown on him. _She don't have the same energy anymore, there's no life in her eyes. Wake up soon Boss, before she loses her mind._

Sera walked back into the tent and placed the bowl of soup on the ground to cool off a bit. She inspected Trevelyan carefully, gently lifting and sliding the blanket down. She unbuttoned the damp shirt with trembling hands, "sorry 'bout the cold hands, Buckles." She pushed the shirt to sides and lightly slid her fingers over the bandages, feeling for any warmth in case if wounds were still swollen or if they had gotten infected. She picked up a dry worn out cloth, and wiped the sweat off of Trevelyan's chest, neck and forehead. After she was done cleaning she re-buttoned the shirt and slid the blanket back over her carefully.

"Never cared for someone before. I mean, taking care of them. Just me. Care for lots of people though. 'Specially you. Still hate you though, stupid. Ya owe me lots of K's and O's for this." She took off the cloak and lifted Trevelyan's head, then stuffed it under her neck to prop her up a bit more. Goosebumps broke out across her skin but she ignored it, focusing on the task at hand. She picked up the bowl of soup, sipped some and held it in her mouth without swallowing. She leaned over and carefully tilted Trevelyan's head upwards, then gently pulled her chin down. She slid her mouth over and opened her lips, guiding the liquid down her tongue and into Trevelyan's mouth.

_She's lucky she got that gag reflex. Must be handy. _She grinned, _that'd be funny if she liked men._ _Wasted._ She drank the soup a bit but sneezed and cough, the soup sputtered all over the blanket. "Shite! Made a mess, heh. Hehehe... Dammit it's not funny when you can't hear it Buckles! Wake up already..." She repeated the drinking and feeding and her mind wandered. _Bored. Boring. Bore._

* * *

"Yer so **boring**, Droopy! Don't glow, don't have fun, just work and stab stuff! Well the stabby stuff is fun, if I get to stab with arrows." She whined. "My feet hurt! Can't we take a break?"

"We have to make it to the rift."

"Why ya such a bore Droopy!"

Trevelyan seemingly ignored Sera, and Vivienne spoke up, "Dear, not everyone can be as selfish and immature as you. Some of us like the Herald and I have important duties and our time is precious. We cannot waste it being concerned over-"

"What. Like deciding what fork to use? Ppppbbbffftt. Shite don't matter! I'm **bored**. Droooopppyyy~"

"**Enough**." Trevelyan snapped. Sera shut up instantly, _what's up her arse?_

"Oi. If you don't take that stick out yer arse yer riskin' yer breeches."

Trevelyan whipped around, she had dark circles under her eyes, _shite, looks like a zombie._

"I. Said. Enough." She marched on, even Vivienne and Dorian looked surprised at how short Trevelyan had been with Sera.

Something had peaked Sera's interest, _she ain't wearin' that weird neck plate thing._ _What's with that scar?_

"Hey, Droopy, where'd ya get that big arse scar on yer neck?"

Trevelyan stopped, and it almost looked like... _Is she cryin'?_ Sera caught up to her and placed her hand on the warrior's trembling shoulder.

"Oi, ya alright? Sorry if-"

"Shut. Up**.** It is none of your business whatsoever." _Well shite... What'd I do to deserve that?_

"So yer business private but my life's public news to ya? Makes sense. Whatever! Bet it'sa **bore**." She jogged on, ignoring the glares from Vivienne and Dorian, and the ominous aura intensifying behind her. Suddenly she found herself pinned to a tree with her wrists above her head, and Dorian and Vivienne trying to calm Trevelyan down.

Bright green eyes bore into her as if trying to swallow her up like the rifts and this frightened her instantly. She flailed her legs and yelled, "Let me the fuck go Droopy! This hurts! You hurt, yer fuckin' scary right now!" She shut her eyes tight, _she's going to swallow me, I'm gonna float in nothin', gonna see demons everywhere. Gonna be nothin'. _She kept shouting and wasn't even aware when her bottom smashed into the ground, she instantly curled up into a ball and covered her ears with her hands. _Gonna be nothin', fuck, piss, shite, scared. Arrows. Just need my arrows, _she couldn't move, her fear gripped her, _I'm gonna die!_ She started crying and shaking.

"Bitch balls! Get away! Yer a fuckin' monster! Fuckin' demon!"

Somewhere in her head a familiar voice kept calling out her name, but she was sucked into the darkness. Suddenly, she felt her hands yanked off her ears and brought down to her sides, then she felt crushed against something cold and hard. She struggled and tried to break free, _I'm gonna die, I'm gonna be nothin'!_ The familiar voice kept whispering her name, chanting it, _fuck this shite's creepy too! Fuckin' demons!_

Slowly, sensations of where her body was flooded her mind but she kept her eyes closed, her breathing still ragged and shallow. Something warm slithered up her back to her neck and then into her hair, she felt something wet against her cheeks. A dull ache ebbed in the front of her knees, and they felt scratchy. The entire front of her still felt squished against something cold, but her back and neck felt something... _soft? Smell somethin' salty._ She gathered her courage and slowly opened one eye. _Droopy...?_ Trevelyan had her in a tight hug as they knelt on the ground, her head buried into Sera's neck.

Sera choked out, her throat parched from her anxiety and yelling, "Why ya cryin' weirdo?" she tried to move her arms but couldn't.

Trevelyan's head snapped up, her green eyes filled with fear. Sera looked past her and also saw Dorian and Vivienne _actually_ look concerned.

"What's goin' on? Ya all lookin' at me like I shat gold. Heh, I wish."

Trevelyan spoke slowly and carefully, "Sera, how much do you remember of what happened just now?"

"Huh? Dunno. Felt weird. Thought I was dying. Musta been weird demon shite again, arseholes." The green eyes always unsettled her, they were the same color as the breach. _Pretty, but creepy. _"Can ya let go? Yer armor's freezin' my tits off." Trevelyan complied, and Sera stood up to stretch her legs and arms. "Quit starin' at me, ya weirdin' me out Droopy. 'Cept yer face ain't droopy now, it's like... Scrunchy. Ya constipated or somethin'?" She started walking ahead, mumbling quietly and scratchin' her head, "demon green eyes inside my head. That was fuckin' creepy shite alright..." _What happened anyways? Just asked 'bout Droopy's scar and then weird demon shite..._ _She must've been real pissed._

She heard Vivienne in the distance, "Dear, you aren't a monster. That imp simply does not possess the mental capacity to know the difference."

Sera shrugged, _must be talkin' 'bout boring stuff again._

* * *

A cough snapped her out of her reverie before she placed her lips on Trevelyan's. She swallowed the soup, "Buckles?"

"Ugh...Hhhsss!" Cecilia inhaled sharply and groaned, "ah, s-shit. Where... Where am I? Am I dead?"

_It don't make bloody sense Red. It can't. She died and came back? _Happiness and anger battled within Sera.

"Ya will be."

Cecilia looked over to see Sera hovering over her, her radiant grin plastered on her face. Overwhelmed with emotions and senses, she did the only thing any sane person would do in her situation. Cry her eyes out. Sobs wracked her body and every time she hiccuped pain shot through her and she hissed before crying all over again. "I'm sorry!"

"Oi! Oi! What the shite Loony?! Ya open yer eyes, see me, and first thing ya do is start cryin'?! What's up with that!" Sera grabbed Cecilia's face, "look at me. Calm down, luv."

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I'm so **fucking** sorry Sera. I love you, please don't ever leave me again." Guilt flooded Sera and Trevelyan groaned and gasped. "You bring out the worst in me," she hissed, and before Sera could protest the words tumbled out quickly, "but the moment you went away, I lost the greatest part of me." Sera was stunned, she didn't know what to say, _daft tit... Honey-tongue, makin' me feel weird._

"I still hate you Buckles. Yer honey tongue won't get honey suckle tonight." Trevelyan chuckled.

"You saved me." _Huh?_ "Lots of times, in fact. I owe you lots of kisses and... _O's_."

"But... how? I never-"

"Just thinking of you the entire time. The _entire_ time, Sera. Color seemed so dark without you around." _Wha...? Dunno what that means.  
_

"I. **Love. **You. If you will have me, I will stay by your side from now on. I'll even throw away the stupid sword, and I'll..." she paused, she noticed the stained cloak bunched up under her head, "I'll fix the cloak. I'm sorry for tearing off bits and abusing it, I tried to take care of it. I swear I-"

"Shut it." Sera raised her hand and Trevelyan flinched. _It's like the cave, but this time she's really gonna hit me. I deserve it. I'm so damn stu-_

Hungry lips silenced Trevelyan's thoughts. The kiss was passionate and intense, then Sera pulled back and leaned down to Cecilia's ears.

"Better innit? Less talk, more action." _Never mind. Just like the cave. _She grinned, "yeah, it reall-"

Trevelyan cried out in pain when Sera climbed on to Cecilia's hips, "piss! Forgot. Sorry Buckles," before Sera climbed off she felt a hand on her right hip.

"D-don't... It's not so bad. And I need this. Need you." Trevelyan slid her good hand up Sera's hip to her waist and stopped. "Can I take your shirt o-" The shirt flew off instantly "...kay. _Wow_." Cecilia was stunned by the sight, the candles in the tent illuminated the archer's body, and she was hypnotized, speechless. Her mouth felt dry.

"Ya gonna stare with yer mouth open all day?" She leaned down, touching Trevelyan's forehead with hers and then teased her lips, "at least put that honey tongue to use."

_You pick me up to lay me down_. Sera grabbed Cecilia's head and plunged her tongue in, caressing and sucking. Both battled for dominance until they separated for air, a thin strip of saliva connecting them. Trevelyan's green eyes shined with both pain and lust, _when I look in your eyes, I can hear you cry_, Sera licked and teased Trevelyan's bottom lip, _for a little bit more of you and I._ Sera always kept her eyes open, always stared right back and never faltered, the green eyes didn't scare her anymore.

_Is it wrong to feel right? _Trevelyan slid her hand up from Sera's waist and over her breast, squeezing gently and swallowing Sera's moan. _Have we lost our minds? _She lifted her hand and slid it back to the nape of Sera's neck, then gently pulled her down as she trailed kisses down to the curve of her jaw. _What have we done?_ She bit down on the earlobe and smirked when Sera cursed and bucked her hips._ It all doesn't seem to matter anymore,_ she continued her assault lower, spurred on by Sera's moans and ignoring the jolts of pain.

"Sera..." lust clouded razor eyes pierced her, devilish glee telling her _"come and get it."_ _I'm no longer able to hold it back._ "I want you so much it hurts."

"Not s'posto hurt."

"I mean literally."

"What?" Sera unconsciously squirmed and Trevelyan hissed in pain. "Oh, shite! I'll get off now."

"N-not that! Ugh..."

"Then what ya on about?"

"I've fallen in love with you."

"I know that? Kinda made it obvious."

"Well, no I mean..." she sighed, words always escaped her in Sera's presence, "I fell a little harder than I thought I would."

"That's good innit? Or is the fallin' why it hurts?" Sera straightened out a bit and used her thighs to ease off Trevelyan's hips until she was gripped back down.

"I'm addicted to you, to your touch, your taste, your smell, your love. Everything." She ignored the throbbing in her right arm when she tried to move it, the pain was escalating and fast. Her ears were ringing and anxiety was taking it's hold over her. She needed to get this out before she passed out.

"Buckles? I don't get this. And ya don't look good, lemme off yer in pain ya stupid idiot." Sera tried to lift off again, and growled when Trevelyan slammed her back down. "Oi! I'm havin' a hard time not jumpin' yer friggin' broken bones lemme-"

Trevelyan pulled on Sera's arm and tugged her down, crashing her lips in again. She hungrily sucked on Sera's tongue and parted, "Sera. Marry me."

"Sera! Can you please come- Oh **shit. **I uh-" Cullen stuttered and his cheeks flamed, "i-i-i-it ah seems I uh i-interrupted ah, uh..." Trevelyan wanted to scream. Darkness took hold of her instead, and she blacked out, "H-Herald! Are you alright?!" Sera slowly rose and plopped her feet down on the ground. Cullen was still stuttering, his eyes were fixated on her topless form, and ultimately failed to dodge the bucket rocketing at his face.

She looked behind her, _Loony, got that stupid smile on yer face again..._ She walked back to Trevelyan, _what do you see in me?_ _No future like that with me luv..._ She leaned down, tenderly kissed Cecilia and whispered her answer _"No." _She smiled softly, "I still hate you." She sneezed.


	20. Because She Would Ask Me Why I Love Her

I'm terribly sorry for any mistakes and the layout, typed up this chapter on my phone as fast as I could. This is the last chapter for this story, I will be starting up a new story/sequel to continue on though.

I thank every single one of you for enjoying this humble story, I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. Thank you for those who have reviewed, followed, and added this on the favorites, it truly means quite a lot to me. I hope I've brought out quality work, and also hope to continue doing so!

Last but not least, thank you to a particularly inspiring person. You know who you are ;P Hope ya enjoy this last chapter! The sequel is called "Life in Me is What You Give".

* * *

"Only time can tell where the road will lead you, how your path will unfold before your eyes as the day goes on. One minute becomes hours, days become years, and soon you look back and think, "where did all that time go?" Time will tell you everything you need to know, time will heal your broken bones, time will help you let go. Who can say when those roads meet? How about why your heart feels the way it does, when it sighs, when it cries? Time."

_"How must it feel to not be able to choose one's life?"_

"We choose nothing in our life, not even what we do. Somewhere, hiding beyond the depths of our consciousness there is something that dictates us, _moves_ us, thinks for us. Who can say who your heart chose, how love will grow? Time. How will you feel when your love cries, or flies, carrying you to the sky or dragging you to crash and burn back to the cold, unforgiving ground?

As we go through life there is so much we don't understand, but all we know is that things don't always go the way they planned. Healing is more about accepting pain and finding a way to co-exist with it. In this sea of life, pain is a tide that will ebb and weave, continually. We need to learn how to let it wash over us without drowning in it. Life doesn't have to end with pain, rather it starts as we mend, and soon the stitches dissolve. The scar, depending how it healed, how it was treated, may tear easily, or hold stronger than ever before. Time is life, and life is time. It is the beginning and the end of all things.

It starts out as a feeling, then grows into hope. It starts out as a thought, then grows into a word. It starts out as a word, then grows into a battle cry. It starts out on the dark horizon, then follows the light. Let your memories grow strong until they are right before your eyes, and you are right back at the beginning. It's a feeling that no one else knows about, but just because they don't feel it too doesn't mean you give up and forget.

How can you trust your heart without thinking you aren't part of some big plan? If there is so much we must be can we still be us, the way we that we are? This is our journey, a long winded, paved road filled with pot holes and cracks here and there. What will you do when this paved road turns bumpy? Will you dive or run? Will you fight or sink?"

_"Choose. If you make it out alive."_

* * *

Trevelyan groaned, her mind felt foggy with such weird thoughts zipping around in her head. _Was I even asleep?_ Suddenly, her mind screamed _"something about this seems __**very**__ familiar." _She couldn't breathe. Suffocation. _Lovely. Exactly what I like to be familiar with. _She leaned her head back and inhaled quickly until she felt it pressed back to the soft-

_Oh. OH..._ The pieces of the puzzle were slowly fitting together now.

"Sheraw," she tried, but the muffled sound didn't do anything. "Sarshhra!" Her head was pressed in tighter in the soft cushion, she was starved of oxygen and suffocating again. She was lying on her left side, and her left arm was awkwardly trapped... _somewhere. _She flexed her fingers and lightly pinched the underside of Sera's thigh. She half-woke up startled, and her hold on Trevelyan's head was released.

"Ow! Whozzat?! Gon' kill ya!" Her hair was a completely disheveled mess, her voice slurred, eyes disoriented and drool trickling down her chin.

"At this rate, I don't doubt it. You almost suffocated me."

"With my tits? Again? Bet that's how ya'd like to go innit?"

"Wh...No!" her face flamed up when she noticed where her left hand was squished. She tried to pull it out until she felt Sera squeeze her thighs. She didn't need to look up at her, she could _hear_ the grin plastered on her face.

"Where ya goin' luv? Owe me lots of K's 'n' O's remember?"

_"Marry me, Sera." _Trevelyan shook her head. The weird dream she had wasn't making matters any easier... What was all that even about? It almost sounded like the mysterious woman from before... "Sera?"

"Yes luv?"

"About last night..." she inhaled slowly and closed her eyes, her resolution was already falling apart. _It starts out as a feeling. _She tried not to break, but she was scared to death right now. Her stomach fluttered and she started feeling sick. _Then grows into hope._

"'bout last niiiiight...? Yes Silly? Can I jump your rickety old bones now?" Sera's voice always lilted teasingly.

_Rickety old bones?! _She took a deep breath and tried again. "About the uh..." _It grows into a thought. _ "Well you know. You naked, on top of me and..." _And then into a quiet word._

Sera sat up and and the blankets slid down her shoulders. _Oh Maker..._ Trevelyan's eyes wandered, the morning light peering into the tent made it easier for her hungry eyes to trail down Sera's completely naked form. _That word turns into a battle cry, _she gulped, _wait, need to ask, need to know. _

_It starts out on the dark horizon, _her left hand started moving on its own and gently smoothed her palm over Sera's toned stomach, tracing small circles with her thumb. Her eyes fixated on Sera's relaxed expressions, _then follows the light_. Sera's head lulled back and lips parted, breathing slightly faster.

"Sera..." Memories of last night's kiss flashed through her mind. _Let your memories grow strong until they are right before your eyes. _Her hand slid higher, cupping and kneading Sera's breast, her mind and throat felt like cotton at the sight unraveling before her. Sera took Trevelyan's hand and guided it lower to the junction between her thighs, her core was already wet and slightly swollen.

"Touch here, Buckles. _Please._" She whined, subconsciously grinding into Trevelyan's palm when she felt a finger dip inside and hook. "_Shit,_" she gritted her teeth as pleasure surged through her, _how can she do this to me just by touchin' a bit? _"Don't stop Buckles,_ fuck!_"

"Last night Sera. M...M-marriage?" Trevelyan squeaked, _and you are right back at the beginning._

"_No._" Trevelyan stopped immediately, her eyes wide. "_Fuck_, said don't stop!"

"You don't... Want to marry me?" The nausea in her stomach increased tenfold, a high pitched ringing in her ears, dizzyness taking hold of her. "Why?" _It's a feeling that no one else knows about._

The words tumbled out, Sera's voice small and hushed, "It's not me, luv. Future, kids, kissy faces? Not me. Okay yes kissy faces. Screwing too. Marriage, Loony? Why do ya even want that? Me?" _Just because they don't feel it too doesn't mean you give up._

"Sera."

"I'm an elf, a thief, nobody. Ya special, big, you. Snottien-"

"**Sera!**"

"Shut up Buckles, why the frig' ya-"

Trevelyan pulled Sera down too quickly and roughly, their lips smashed together and Sera was stunned for a moment... _and forget. _Cecilia tenderly kissed, then grew insistent, desperate, scared. She parted and smiled softly, sliding her fingers across Sera's chin to wipe off the drool before it completely dried. _Suits you perfectly. You're perfect for me._

"Why?"

"Why what, Sera?"

"I feel weird. And itchy. Bees in my stomach, wanna puke, don't make sense innit? That's bad. Marriage? Ya make it sound like its easy. Done, just like that. We still here, middle of nowhere. Bloody cold, ya still injured. They heal and heal and ya still covered in bandages. I'm scared Buckles. Ya died and came back, don't make sense. Ya Touched 'n' I'm nobody. Why?" _What will you do when this paved road turns bumpy? _

Before Trevelyan could try to answer anything at all, Sera breathed and rushed the words out, "Ya love me. I know that, ya said ya fell hard, that it hurts. Not s'posto hurt. Don't wanna hurt ya luv. Red said she'd kill me if I did again. Lots of reasons I love ya. Tough, rough, gentle still. Don't make sense. Ya loony, and ya drive me crazy. Ya touch me and I lose it, love that. Take me to places I ain't never been, and come back to me too. Love that. Ya came _back_." Her throat felt dry, she's never talked so much and as fast as this before.

Sera's eyes watered, her voice shook and her shoulders trembled when Trevelyan reached out to touch her. She laid back down, tucked and snuggled close, arms wrapping tightly around Trevelyan's waist until a groan slipped past her lips. _Shite, hurt her. Don't want to hurt her. Red gon' kill me. _She let go of Trevelyan's waist and slid her hands up, gripping her shirt instead, _"Daft tit. _**Stupid. **Ya came back to me. _Why_?_" _Sera buried her face into Trevelyan's chest. Fear and guilt took hold of her, she couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

_Will you dive or run? Will you fight or sink? _Trevelyan was speechless, her heart constricted when she felt the tears soak through her shirt, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Slowly, she tucked her left arm underneath Sera's waist, and forcibly moved her right arm despite the pain to hug her closer. She didn't know what else to do, Sera crying cut her like daggers, it hurt worse than any injury she's ever suffered.

_How will you feel when your love cries? _She brought up her right arm and ran her fingers through Sera's hair, then kissed the top of her head. She lingered there, trying to fight the urge of crying herself, then kissed again and whispered _shh's_ and _it's okay's_. She squeezed Sera tighter, afraid to let go and lose her again.

"Sera," she choked out, throat parched and voice quivering, threatening to break down, "I came back because I need you. I don't know why, I only know that I feel. I love you. Back out there, alone-" Sera's eyes flashed with hurt, she looked down. Trevelyan tipped her chin up, "look at me. When I was alone, I thought I was going to die, and lots of things went through my mind. All of them were about you, memories or things I still wanted to do and say to you. You saved me. You gave me my purpose, Sera. My will to live. I never had that, before I met you. **You** are my will. My life."

"Hone-" Trevelyan placed her fingers on Sera's lips, "Please just listen, Sera. I just want to be by your side if you will have me. I want to make you happy, I don't ever want to hurt you ever again. Knowing that I hurt you, hurts far worse than any wound or broken bone. I want to make it up to you, and I'll do it for the rest of my life. For eternity. This is why I love you, Sera."

* * *

"But why?" _Was she not listening?_ Trevelyan sighed, and kissed her. _How can I tell her in a way she'll understand why?_

"Because..." she paused. _Because..._ an idea hit her head and she grinned. _Nice and simple, get a rise out of her._ "Because you ask me."

"What? Make sense, daft tit!"

"Because you haunt me."

"I ain't a ghost!"

"Because you suffocate me."

"Well ya, tits. Like it too, but-"

"Because you watch me."

"Always, pretty arse an-"

"Because you ride me."

"Somethin' dirty on your mind Buckles?"

"Because you possess me."

"I ain't a demon too, **stupid**!" Sera was trying to pull back from Trevelyan's hold, _wanna punch this daft tit!_ Trevelyan didn't budge, her left arm had a firm grip on Sera's waist and her right hand slid and cupped her cheek.

"Because you've lost me." Sera froze, and stared back at the unwavering green eyes. _I get lost in there..._ She stayed silent.

"Because you know me."

"Better than any other arsehole."

"Because you come for me." Sera snickers at this.

"Two meanings, honey-tongue."

"Because you mean the world to me." Sera's ears tinged with red, her mouth parted to say something but no words could come out. _Everything. Life. Daft tit. That big? Even bigger... Can't forget those words._

"Because you free me." Bit by bit Sera was slowly beginning to understand. _Still dunno what Loony really means though._

"Because you kill me." _What?!_

"Wh- **Oi!** Yer alive here now and I-"

"Because you're there for me."

"Better. Keep it that way too, Loony."

Trevelyan smirked, and her voice tilted teasingly. "Because you 'itch' me."

"What? Yer silly, Silly. Don't scratch ya, daft tit."

"Because you leave me." Sera gripped Trevelyan's shirt tighter at this, knuckles turning white. Her eyes instantly watered again and she fought hard to hold back.

"Because you save me." She blinked, then blinked again. _Saved her? What she on about?_ Before she could ask Trevelyan cut her off.

"Because you abandon me." She stayed silent, and guilt overwhelmed her again.

"**Stupid**..." She whispered, "make up your mind..."

"Because you protect me." _Feel weird. Itchy again. Chest hurts, hard to breathe. Why? What's she doin'? Don't make sense. Nothin' makes sense._

"Because you hate me." Sera froze and panicked. _She heard in her sleep?!_

"I didn't mean it Buckles! Don't hate ya. Love ya. Love ya to bits I swear. Wanna make ya squirm and scream. Scream my name. My name on your tongue. **Mine**. Don't get any of this though, why-" Trevelyan silenced her with a tender kiss, tongue caressing hers. She parted, her eyes soft and held Sera's curious gaze. _She's absolutely perfect._

Trevelyan smirked, "Because you ask me why I love you."

Sera groaned and tried to pull away again, "daft tit! I said make sense!"

"I want to ask you a question now, Sera."

"Make sense first!"

"Do you love me?"

"_Yes,_ **stupid**. That's a stupid question, why ya bein' so stupid again? It's stupid. Stupid!" Sera was frustrated, her clenched fists were starting to hurt, _what's she doin' to me?! Stupid smile on her face, stupid-_

"Marry me." _Stupid daft tit! Doesn't she already know?!_

"Augh! **Fuck**!" Sera yanked down on the shirt to pull Trevelyan and closed the distance, the passionate kiss was fueling both of them. _She wants a fuckin' answer? I'll give her a fuckin' answer._ She pushed Trevelyan down on her back with all her might, and climbed on her hips hastily, ignoring the groans and gasps. She leaned down, face inches away, taunting Trevelyan, "_Fuck_ me," she whispered vengefully. "And I'll do whatever ya want. March-fuck-arrow-kick. Marry too. Marry you? What kinda stupid question is that," she ripped the shirt open and dove back down to the mark on Trevelyan's neck.

"**You're already mine.**"


End file.
